The WM Parenting Connection

There are all sorts of phrases to express the idea that whatever obstacle you can overcome will help you to become a stronger and wiser person. My test of strength came from my struggle to have my children. An essay I wrote about my experience with infertility, titled “To My Younger Son,” appears in “Chicken Soup for the Soul:New Moms” along with an essay by writer Alyssa Ast. Alyssa asked me to write a guest post about the experience with infertility and I am more than happy to share and offer support to anyone dealing with the issue.

Looking back, I can’t believe how long I waited before I set up an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. After our initial meeting with the doctor there was a battery of tests on my side and my husband’s side that came up with the maddening diagnosis of “unexplained infertility.” There was a medical term for why we were not parents yet; but what did it mean? After being poked and prodded and filling way too many vials of blood for analysis we received a medical diagnosis that basically said “we don’t get it either.”

First, let me briefly explain the process of an in vitro fertilization procedure. Each follicle in a woman’s body may contain an egg. Fertility drugs increase the number of follicles a woman’s body produces in a treatment cycle. The eggs are then retrieved, hopefully fertilized and transferred back to the woman’s body and that begins the wait to see if the embryos implant. An IVF cycle is a road where many things can change the outcome and even with all the medical intervention there are no guarantees. Everyone seems to know about the celebrities who do IVF and are splashed on the cover of magazines with their adorable twins. What you don’t hear about are the failed IVF cycles, the cancelled cycles or the ones where the woman wakes up from the anesthesia after the retrieval process to hear that there were no eggs in the follicles to work with.

My essay in “Chicken Soup for the Soul:New Moms” is about how my husband and I worked with a fertility doctor to have our first child and another doctor for our second child. I say “another” because the first doctor, after working with us for several years, during which time I had my first child, threw me for a loop at what would be our last discussion. We had several failed cycles under our belt again in our attempt to have another child and we were meeting with the doctor after our first cancelled cycle due to a low follicle count. We were going in for a consultation, for what we thought our next approach would be, when he cleared his throat and told us that he did not think we would be able to have another biological child. My essay is about that horrible day.

This is where I offer my biggest piece of advice. Do your research. True, statistically speaking I would not conceive another child working with that particular fertility clinic’s policies. After taking fertility injections for about a seven-to-ten day stretch, which is the average, this doctor’s office required a minimum number of follicles in order to proceed to the retrieval process of an IVF cycle. If you do not produce the required number of follicles the cycle is cancelled.

After doing my research, I found a doctor that I liked and the first question I asked him was “what is your cancellation policy?” “We don’t have such a thing.” he answered. This was the doctor that I was going to work with for our last shot at having a second child after already investing so much money and emotion in the process of building our family.

We transferred one embryo in the cycle that we did with that new doctor and had a healthy baby nine months later. My husband and I beat some incredible odds in having our children and I will never forget that. That first doctor has no idea what happened to us after leaving his office in tears that day. After years of working with us there wasn’t even a follow-up phone call after delivering such soul-crushing news. Maybe I’ll send him a copy of the book.

More about Alice Knisley Matthias

Alice Knisley Matthias lives in the New York metropolitan area with her husband, children, floppy eared dog and two fish. She has a BA in Speech and Theater, a Master's degree in Elementary Education and is a graduate of the Institute of Children's Literature. Alice is the Education Writer for Stories for Children Magazine and her work for children and adults has been accepted and appeared in publications ranging from Boy's Life to Chicken Soup for the Soul. Alice writes nonfiction, poetry and fiction as well as a column for the food section of a newspaper. Her interests include reading, gardening, cooking and the arts.

Guest Post: Alice Knisley Matthias