The WM Parenting Connection

9 comments:

Angela Atkinson said...

Claire, I'm a huggy/kissy mom too--when my kids allow it (the oldest is "over it" as far as public displays--but he always hugs me at home.)

On a similar note, my own mother once remarked that I praise my daughter too much. She said I'd give her a big head, always telling her how beautiful and intelligent she is--that she would become arrogant and unable to feel empathy for others.

In reality, I think, it will make her confident in herself and unafraid to be who she is. That's what I wish my mother had done for me, and that's why I do it for her. (I do the same for my boys, of course, but interestingly, my mother had no problem with that one.) It took me a lot of years to find confidence in myself and my abilities, and I don't want to add hurdles to my daughter's development. Great post.

February 27, 2011 2:20 PM

Weighing in w/ my .02 said...

I also fear that I will go too far in the wrong direction and over do it with my daughter. My mother was very affectionate, my father was not at all.

I hug and kiss Sadie (my daughter) at least 100 times a day and I'll continue to do so as long as she'll let me (she's 2.5 yrs now). I tell her I am proud of her when she does well and I want her to be self confident in everything she does. I tell her she's beautiful. I tell her she's funny. I tell her she's smart. Besides all being true, it will also build up her lttle self esteem and I do not fear her getting a big head, as I will also teach her that all people are beautiful, all people have special talents and not everybody is the same and that's okay. There will be a balance.

I think (or at least I thought it) that it comes natural for a parent to want more for their child. Not necessarily as in more "things" but more opportunities, more confidence, more experiences. I think that's what you're doing for your son by giving him reassurance every day in the form of hugs and kisses. It's going to allow him to become a strong person who knows that he is loved regardless of his mistakes and that will just progress into bigger and better "things".

My motto is "you don't have to be "the best" you just have to try to be the best YOU that you can be." That's all I will ever ask or expect out of Sadie and she will always know that!

February 27, 2011 2:57 PM

fortysomethingfirsttimemum said...

Delighted you think this is a great post!I get so thrilled with comments because, like you, it has taken me a very long time to find confidence in my abilities and I am not even full there yet!

I like that you are a huggy mom to your kids. I think you are right to praise your daughter and instill confidence.Someone else recently said I praise my son too much, that he will think everyone thinks he is as wonderful as I do and it's setting him up for disappointment when they don't. However, no matter what anyone says, I feel I am doing the right thing too. I would hate for him to be like I used to be!

February 27, 2011 3:40 PM

fortysomethingfirsttimemum said...

Sadie is a lucky girl to have such a lovely Mom!
I love your motto too!! Thanks for commenting!

February 27, 2011 3:42 PM

Donna Perugini said...

A nicely done post, Claire!

It's amazing how we think giving love to a child can 'taint them' and cause their lives to full of self-indulgence and vanity. Children thrive on love, but mostly the love that they see in action.

We can think 'they know I love them', but a child needs to be shown you love them. Hugging and kissing is a very visible way to show that love. Telling them how much you love is another good way.
You're well on the way to being the best mom ever, Claire!

Thank you for the link!

February 27, 2011 4:53 PM

Marina said...

Claire, I have been a mom for eight years -- now to two children -- and I still don't have the confidence. I make mistakes every day, but my hugs and kisses and I love you's let my kids know that I am there for them, I love them, and they can always find refuge in me. I never got love -- I didn't hear the words "I love you" until I started dating, and I only truly believed it when my husband told me the words. I knew he meant them. My kids will never go a day with hearing and feeling my love for them, because I know what it feels like not to have had heard them. Your son feels loved! And this will always be a good thing.

February 27, 2011 10:48 PM

amanda said...

If there is one thing children need in life it is love and affection,without it,they will most definitely grow up with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. We all have a basic inherent need to feel loved and valued..so many people,especially from previous generations grew up without this need being fulfilled.
Parents from the past,felt that all children needed was to be fed and clothed,praise was seen as something that would only lead to vanity and other negative traits.
I was an only child and lucky that my parents did dose me in love and praise,but like you Claire,my mum was never hugged or praised as a child,thankfully,she didn't carry this with her into her role as a parent..
I am now the mother of three children and I constantly hug them,we have cuddles all the time,I tell them on a daily basis,often several times a day how wonderful they are and how proud I am of them..it is obvious the positive efects this generates..children need to feel this love,they need these affirmations,there is so much more to parenting than the basic care,and thankfully each generation is becoming more aware of this.
Continue to shower your son in love and praise Claire,he will grow up to be one very grounded,confident young man as a result.
It is important to let those we love know how much we love them..nobody was ever psychologically damaged from too much love. Be proud of the loving mum you are..Ciaran is a lucky,lucky boy!! :)

February 28, 2011 4:09 AM

ModernMom said...

I'm a huggy Mama too. I think we all try to do better then out parents do. It's natures way:)

March 2, 2011 8:59 PM

WorldmedTourism said...

Thank

July 30, 2011 9:58 PM