The WM Parenting Connection

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

Plan of Action

I think I've been posting for a couple months now as a contributor to this site, and I'm still getting a feel for it. In the background--as in, my email inbox--Angie and Angela remind us from time to time to note what kind of "expert" we are. I kind of wonder if it's directed towards me. I've been hesitant to do so, because frankly, I'm not really sure what I'm an expert in. Some things I'm simply not (ie: an adoptive parent, 40-some parent--yet--etc.); other categories are "taken". But mostly, I just don't consider myself an "expert" at anything.

Family Health? I try to get my kids to eat vegetables and not totally sloth off in front of the TV. Schooling? Maybe, but I'm just starting, and I'm certainly not a homeschooling mom (kudos to those who do it.) Environmental and Eco-awareness parenting? Arts & Craftiness? (I know those moms.) Family cooking? (My husband thinks my entire family obsesses over food, so that's a possibility, I suppose, but...really...do I want to post recipes every two weeks? I think there are food blogs for that, some pretty darn good ones to boot.) The frugal mom? (That was my mom...although typically we just called her cheap.) Expert in Organization? Surely you jest.

My children are officially entering the school years, and although I'm must on the front end of this business, it does have a certain feel to it. At times, it makes me want to label myself simply a "suburban mom", frighteningly close to the term "soccer mom." (Although no mini-van, nor soccer, here.) Recently, I've been recalling a term used in the book I Don't Know How She Does It: the Muffia. It's really not a flattering term, at least in the context of the story--the narrator uses it to describe hyper-involved, volunteer for everything, stay-at-home moms--but sometimes I feel like I'm entering the "Muffia years." If I get my act together, I'll try co-leading for my daughter's Daisy Scouts. But I'm not trying to acheive some "Godmother" status, especially since this remains untapped on my "to-do" list.

Most days, parenting can remind me of Tim Gunn's line on Project Runway: Make It Work. Is that what I can be the expert in, making it work? Isn't that what all parents do?

Jack of All Trades, Master of None

by Claire Hegarty

Recently I have found myself obsessing about connecting with other fortysomething first time mums.  I google them, facebook them and check out all the TV channels on a daily basis.  I even found myself googling someone who appeared on Judge Judy.

I know - this does seem a bit crazy, even to me. The defendant looked to be in her forties and mentioned she had a toddler and, after all, the people are  real, the cases are real and the rulings are final!  True enough, she was real and she did have a toddler but she wasn't in her forties as I thought.

I know we all trawl through internet sites looking for information but when I asked some of my other fortysomething friends if they do this, they denied it.

Does anybody else out there do this or is it just me?

Does anybody else do this or is it just me?

Who Needs Sleep Anyway?

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

A couple friends and I have embarked on a new adventure through Weight Watchers.  All of us have struggled with our weight for most of our adult lives.  We are all in nursing school and we are all married with children .

One of the hardest things about losing weight is asking for help.  This was the topic this week at our Weight Watcher’s meeting.  Asking for help. Why do we consider ourselves weak if we ask for help yet we are not opposed to giving our help to those that are in need of it?

Since asking for help from my friends  I have found things this weight loss thing a little easier. It is nice to have someone to commiserate with, celebrate with, cry with and just have a common understanding with.

The key to asking for help however, is to be willing to take the help once it is offered.  We can’t just take the support and the accountability that having help provides when it suits us…we have to accept it whenever given - when it comes from a good place and learn to turn it around to our advantage even when it doesn’t come from a good place.

As women we tend to put ourselves last.  We come after the kids, after the husband, after work, after school, even after the pet sometimes.  But if we don’t take care of ourselves we will be useless to everyone. 

So don’t be afraid to ask for help.  See strength in asking for it and you never know, by asking for help you may just find that you helped someone else who was in your shoes but was also afraid to ask.

Asking For Help - It's A Good Thing!

What's the Big Deal?

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Expert

Being a single parent has its pros and cons, like very other area of life. One of the hardest parts of being a single parent happens to be the moments when your child says something that stuns you and there is no one to refer him or her too. It's like there's a little guy in your mind giggling away and saying something like "You're on your own with this one Toots!" or at least that's what it feels like. At the age of 9, my son gives me the chance to experience this frequently as he goes through his puppy love stage.

Now, there are 2 different kinds of puppy love. One of them involves a deceptively cute and fuzzy creature who is really just waiting for you o turn your back so that he or she can chew through the most expensive electronic device in the house. The other is just as deceptively cute and is also waiting for you to turn your back so she can send your sweet little boy home in tears of heartbreak. Okay, maybe I'm biased. I'm really okay with that!

In either case, the parent has no control over how the child feels, but is the one that the child turns to for answers. When it comes to the fuzzy puppies, that's easy for now. We live on a "no pet" home, so I get to blame the lack of the electronic gadget gobbler on the landlord. The other...well that one is kind of scary.

I thought I was doing good. I thought I was teaching my son how to treat girls right. In fact, I was pretty proud of the fact that my son knew he couldn't go see the current love of his life without bringing her some small token such as a flower. Yep, I was on top of the world thinking of how my little boy was growing up in such a sweet young man. That was before the "pretty little blonde girl" turned my son into an instant assessor of fouled relationships.

She broke his little heart. He was upset. He wanted answers. He asked the same questions in different ways hoping for the answer he was longing to hear. I did my best. I put all of my effort into comforting and educating him on relationships and the bizarre impact our actions have on others. When it was all said and done, my little angel looked at me and said "Well, that might be how it works for you mom, but look how well that's turned out." Ouch!

I'm single because I want to be and I don't feel that it's appropriate to tell my son why life is simpler sometimes when you're alone. He can find that all out on his own. That brings me to the point of the post. When it comes to relationships, as with everything else, we need to lead by example. We also need to wrap our minds around the fact that our children are going to do it their way in the end, which may not be the way we want them to.

What he said broke my heart, which was his intention in a way. He needed to pass his pain on-maybe even to blame it on someone. So here is my advice for parents, especially single parents who may be looked on by some as a failure due to the "single" status; just listen. We want to fix it, to stop the tears, but those tears are secretions of lifelong learning. Spare yourself the line of self questioning that can come from sharp comments. Let your child talk his or her hurt out. Remind them of boundaries as needed, but listen and validate their feelings. Accept the fact that this is just one of many times these types of conversations are going to happen and remind yourself not to take anything personally.

I wanted to say that I like the fact that everything I have, I have earned. The pride of my household is mine alone, as are the failings. I wanted to say all sorts of things and drum it home that I was fortunate enough to be able to be successful on my own, without anyone else to hold me up. Then I thought about how unfair that would be to my son, who will have his own dreams. I also considered how much the therapy was going to cost me for my son after I traumatized his already broken heart with my own personal views. So, I just listened.

Puppy Love

by Marina DelVecchio

When I was little, my mother decided that I was going to play the violin in hopes that I would one day become a classical violinist. Music came easy for me. I understood it, I felt it, and I loved it, and if I had wanted to, I suppose I could have done something with it -- but I didn't. My mother's approach in getting me to practice was stifling and domineering, as was she. She walked into my room every evening, placed the baking timer on my desk, set it to fifteen minutes, and bid me to play until the high pitched shrill of the clock brought my playing to a sudden and cacophonous stop. She never stayed to listen to me; instead, she walked away from me, went into her room, and closed her door, shutting me and my music out. This was her way. And in my need to please her, to have her accept me, I continued to play long after I had begun to resent the violin and all her expectations of me. At the age of nine, I began to associate the violin as the means to an end -- if I played well enough, if I did as she instructed me to, I could get her to love me.

I played the violin for ten years, was accepted among the second strings of the Burrough and City Wide orchestra in New York, and even played in Carnegie Hall for Mayor Giuliani. But as good as this sounds, I wasn't. I was a sub-standard violinist who got by on 15 minutes of practicing a day to the endless ticking of my mother's expectations. Needless to say, I eventually failed in both. The violin sits in my kids' play room closet and has been silent for twenty years. Entombed in the dark recesses of its case, the bow is bent, the wood of the violin, unpolished and layered in dust, and the strings are loose or missing completely. It's locked up, unseen and unheard, a muted presence in the heart of my home, in the heart of my life, a symbol of the failure that comes with the pursuit of pleasing others.

A mother now, I believe that music is an integral part of the learning experience, and when my son turned six, I enrolled him in music school for piano lessons. Having a background in music theory and having played the piano for six years myself, I used to help him with his music homework. I stood behind him as he placed his fingers in the right positions, I counted aloud as he played so that he could keep the proper tempo, and I corrected him when he played the wrong notes. But the craziest thing started to happen: he felt the weight of my own expectations, carried them upon his small shoulders as he sat hunched in his seat, his fingers heavy with indecision as they rested upon the black and white keys. His eyes brimming with tears, he told me he didn't get it, he didn't want to play, he wanted me to leave him alone, he was done for the day. I responded with anger and a temper tantrum that equaled his own. And then it hit me: I was doing to him what my mother had done to me -- in different ways. I was on top of him, my disapproval etched in the frowning lines of my face, silent, but present. My mother had never stayed in the room with me because she did not know music, but her timer ticking away at my confidence and her facial expressions were all I ever needed to know that I was a disappointment. I didn't want that for my son.

I did not want my son to give up music and the piano, but I also did not want him to play against his will. Thus, I took myself out of the equation. He has a lesson once a week, and he practices every day if he has time. I don't set a baking timer to fifteen minutes, but I ask him to play one assigned piece a day, at least three times. I don't stand over him or near him, and I let him figure things out on his own with the understanding that if he needs help, I am only a few feet away, in another room. Sometimes I sit on the steps and listen to him, reveling in the fact that he is enjoying playing music. Without the pressure of my parental expectations smashing into his self-esteem, my son is excelling in piano. He holds concerts for us, playing a song he memorized without being asked to, while his sister dances. And he even goes to the piano when he is bored or has nothing better to do, playing something by heart or simply improvising. The other day, he even wrote me a song, and because he now loves sitting at the piano and playing, I know I have made the right decision. As parents, it is important to know when to let go -- to be aware of our expectations and how they affect our children.

When to Let Go Parental Expectations

by Claire Hegarty

Last night I watched a TV programme which airs every Friday night here in Ireland. It's called 'The Late Late Show'. On it were a couple who lost their little daughter Ruby to Meningitis.  The couple were very dignified and composed as they described the events of their tragic loss.  But you could see how they struggled with their emotions. I cried the whole way through the interview.

One Friday night, their child was sick and vomiting  and had a temperature.  They took her to the emergency doctors surgery on the Saturday morning where she was diagnosed with swine flu.  It happened at a time when  swine flu was being heavily discussed in the media. Trusting the doctor's diagnosis they kept an eye on her and she seemed to improve.

By the Sunday, she had headaches and tummy pain and could not even open her eyes.  They got to the hospital but they were too late.  Nothing could be done.  Meningitis had taken hold and she was brain dead.  They switched off the life support a week later.  Her mother had gone through two rounds of IVF to have her and now she was gone... Her story is at the link below.

http://www.rubyayoub.com/

There was also a recent case here where a surgeon removed the wrong kidney in a little boy.  He did it on orders of his superior who admitted to being 'distracted' and that it was 'human error'.  In this case, the boy did not die but he is left with a faulty kidney and will more than likely need a kidney transplant in the future.

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/we-failed-kidney-op-boy-says-surgeon-2322986.html

There is also a situation in this country where many women had miscarriage diagnosis where none existed and went on to have healthy babies because they didn't have any follow up procedure.  Sadly, some that were diagnosed with miscarriage and went on to have the procedure lost their babies.

http://www.rte.ie/news/2010/0610/miscarriage.html


As a forty something first time mother, who has had miscarriages, I waited a long time to have my little boy for one reason or another.  To finally have him and to even think about losing him because of something preventable like this, makes me feel physically sick. Of course, it doesn't matter how old you are or how old your child is, or whether you have struggled to have them or not.

Misdiagnosis

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

Workout at the Playground

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

Last week I talked about smoking and the many benefits to quitting. Some long-term and some very, very short-term. But addiction is a tough thing. And even though our brain KNOWS smoking is bad for us and that we will be healthier and live longer if we quit -- the addiction doesn't care. Addiction is a physiological condition and unless we understand the process of withdrawal it is far to easy to give in to the intense cravings and the physiological NEED for nicotine. Never mind the mental games we play on ourselves when we are trying to change bad habits for good.

So let's talk about some of those withdrawal symptoms that come along with quitting tobacco use.

Did you know that there is such a thing as "nicotine flu"? When you start to go through withdrawal your body starts to ache and you feel as though you have the flu. It doesn't last forever but it is not a fun deal.

Other symptoms include:

• Constipation, stomach pain, gas - lasts 1-2 weeks. When you quit your intestinal movement decreases for a short amount of time. Combat this by drinking plenty of liquids, add fruits and vegetables and whole grains cereals to your diet to help get things moving.
  
• Cough - this lasts only a few days and it's your body trying to rid itself of the mucus that has blocked your airways and restricted your breathing. Drink plenty of fluids and try to avoid additional stress in the first few weeks.
  
• Hunger - this can last up to several weeks and is caused from confusing cravings for nicotine with hunger pangs. Hunger may also come form oral cravings or the need to be doing something with your mouth. Your mouth is used to doing something. Drink plenty of water or low-calorie beverages and be ready with low-calorie snacks.
  
• Depression - lasts 1-2 weeks and is completely normal to feel sad after quitting. Do more fun activities, lean of friends and family for support and talk to your health care provider about how you are feeling.
  
• Irritability - this is one of the longest lasting symptoms lasting between 2-4 weeks and is a result of your body craving the nicotine. To ease the irritability try taking walks or a hot bath and work on your relaxation techniques.
  
• Fatigue - this is also one of the longest lasting symptoms and results from the lack of nicotine in your body. Nicotine is a stimulant and your body is missing that chemical. Take naps, don't push yourself and consider the use of nicotine medications (talk to your health care provider they can help you pick the right one for you).
  
• Insomnia - Lasts about a week. Nicotine affects brain wave function and influences your sleep pattern. If you're coughing a lot while you are trying to sleep that can interrupt your ability to sleep. Dreaming about smoking is also a very common thing when you have quit. Limit your caffeine intake and don't have any after noon. After you quit smoking the effects of caffeine will increase. Use relaxation techniques.
  
• Inability to concentrate - This lasts only a few weeks and again, this is related to the decreased stimulant of the nicotine. Your body needs time to adjust to that. You should plan your workload accordingly and avoid additional stress during the first few weeks.
  
• Tightness in the chest - This will last only a few days and is likely a result of the tension created by your body's need for the nicotine. Also if you are doing a lot of coughing then your muscles may be a little sore. Use relaxation techniques and deep breathing and speak to your doctor if if lasts more than a couple days or it gets worse.
  
• Dizziness - This lasts a couple days and is a result of all the extra oxygen that your body is now getting. Use caution when getting up or changing positions. Do these things slowly to help limit the dizziness.
  
• Cravings to smoke - Nicotine is a VERY addictive drug. Withdrawal causes your body to crave it. After about 2 or 3 days the frequency 0f the cravings will lessen but it is possible that you will have cravings to a much lesser degree for months or years. You should try to wait out the urge - it will only last a few minutes. Distract yourself with another activity. Talk to your doctor - there are many nicotine medications that can help with these cravings.

You will notice that most of these symptoms occur within the first 1-2 days and peak within the first week and then subside withing 2-4 weeks.

It may feel difficult to get through these many symptoms. Talk to your health care provider about any new symptoms especially if they are severe. There are so many medications these days that can help ease the withdrawal symptoms making your success at quitting that much easier.

For more information and help with quitting any and all tobacco use call the telephone quit helpline: 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

So You Want To Quit...Here Are Some Things You Should Know....

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

Blended Experiences

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Expert (yes, I said expert...been doing this awhile!)

September has been declared National Childhood Obesity Month. What's the worst part about that? The fact that there is actually a need for it! Whose fault is it? It's ours as parents and it's our governments because they look at the big picture of keeping the medical industry going rather than having any concern about our children. How do I know that? Because I did my research based on the Food Pyramid by the USDA. That was some scary stuff!

From the view of a single parent, it would be much easier to let my child become obese than it would be to do anything to prevent it. It's crunch time for me in college and I work many many hours a day. It would be easy to let my son live on junk food since I have limited time to cook. But then, that would condemning him to a life of medical issues that could have been prevented with diet and exercise. So, I put together some tips for single parent or any other parents to use to avoid childhood obesity.

• Have fun with exercise. You don't have to put your child on a rigorous exercise program. You can bat a ball around, race each other, jump rope or laugh at yourself as you try to do the hula hoop!
• Limit tv time. If you don't think that your child spends too much time glued to the tv, why not try timing it? You'll probably be surprised by what you find. Considering that children are back in school, about 1/3 of their time is sleeping, 1/3 is in school and say an hour a day is on hygiene. What does your child do in the rest of the time available?
• Use lots of color in meals. No, I'm  not talking about food coloring in the mashed potatoes. I'm talking about having meals with natural color, like a salad with a variety of vegetables. If you want to know the worst colors you can have, think about meals that are all white.
• Have fun with cooking. Let your child help you make dinner or plan dinner. Try something new each week. Believe it or not, your body needs variety like that.

We'd love to hear your tips about how you keep your family healthy feel free to share with us in the comments section!

Dealing with Childhood Obesity

By Debbie Pecis

You know it's been a busy two weeks when you have experienced both eating breakfast with princesses and attended a funeral in the course of a fortnight.

A friend--a reader, dare I say?--mentioned she looked forward to my snarky review of a family Disney trip, and I certainly can provide a rundown at some point. But while Denise wrote about almost forgetting it was 9-11, I almost forgot it too, ironically, because my father-in-law was buried that day.

It marks our childrens' first experience with death; I'm not sure if I handled it correctly, nor prepared them. Their grandfather wasn't sick; the death was relatively sudden. For our youngest, the even didn't really register at all. For our daughter, who just turned 6, it posed a series of questions: Will we see grandpa again? What happens to him? What will happen to his body?

I am not strongly religious (I was raised Catholic, but I'm a hesitant one as an adult), nor is my husband (again, Catholic, and a cynical one as an adult), so I suppose whatever spiritual guidance I provide our children can be with pause at times. But perhaps because I lost my own father to a battle with sclermoderma 13 years ago, I have always contended they need some sense of spirituality, as eventually someone will die, and they will have questions.

The answer to her first question was easy: No, we will not see Grandpa. And because Grandpa is Dad's dad, he sounds sad. The second question, "what happens to him?" was tougher. I said that some people believe that when you die you go to heaven and become an angel. For now, she seems content with that. And then, perhaps because Marc Brown ends his Arthur's Halloween with the line "let's cut the through the cemetery. I hear people are dying to get in" (thanks, Mr. Brown--now you explain that pun to a child, please), she asked lots of questions about what happens to the body. I actually found myself giving some circle-of-life answer to this one, with trees growing from cemetery earth and imparting oxygen, etc.

We'll see what questions are posed in the weeks to come. I am saddened for my husband, and for my children who had such limited experience with a grandfather. I hope as a mother (and wife) I handled the weekend well--including bribing my son with money during the last few minutes of mass. I mean really, you can't be yelling "when is this over?" during a eulogy.

The Circle of Life

By Angela Atkinson
Family Dynamics

Image Credit: Carin Araujo

Some parents are lucky. They grew up in healthy and functional families which nurtured them and prepared them for the most important job they'll ever love: being parents themselves. And then, there's the rest of the world, where growing up in a family that is at least partially dysfunctional is the norm.

If you don't have a positive relationship with your own parents, you're probably well aware of the negative effects if can have on your own adult life. And if you're like many people, you may still be feeling the effects of such a relationship as you try to parent your own children.

You're different, though. You want to have a positive and lasting relationship with your kids, even after they grow up and become adults. You've probably decided that you will give your kids what your parents couldn't give you: unconditional love and support, and a real live, two-sided parent/child relationship.

The fact is that you've got a big responsibility if you want to do better for your own children. As a parent, you'll need to create and implement new techniques for relating to and communicating with your children in order to break that cycle of negativity.

So where do you begin?

Acceptance

First and foremost, offer your kids the gift of acceptance. Let them know that they're loved and that they're safe, and make sure that they know that even when you're disappointed in them, you will always be there supporting and loving them. This offers kids a sense of security--knowing that Mom and Dad will always be in their corner.

Support

When your kid comes home from school saying he wants to be a rock star (as my almost-seven-year-old recently did) or an underwater basket weaver, don't scold him for having an unrealistic dream. Instead, tell him that he can do anything he wants and that you believe in him. Chances are that he'll come home saying he wants to be a doctor or police officer next week anyway--and the truth is that if your kids really, really wants to be a rock star, he can be one! Support his dreams unconditionally. I tell my own kids that all I want for them is to be happy, healthy and safe--and when they grow up, I want them to follow their dreams and passions. because they can do whatever they want if they believe they can. It's my job to help them make that happen by offering them learning opportunities and a good support system as they grow up.

Honesty

Obviously, you don't need to tell your children everything--but when they ask you questions, answer them as honestly as you can. Consider their ages and ability to understand what you're saying, of course, but tell them the truth. With my kids, I do my best to tell them the truth when they ask questions--or at least as much as I think they can handle at their ages. Sometimes, the truth is painful, but an understanding and empathetic parent can relate the message as gently as possible and offer plenty of support if the child feels upset or angry about what you have to tell him. When you're honest with your kids, you foster trust in your relationship--which is truly one of the most important components of a successful parent/child relationship.

Humanity

When you make a mistake with your kids, admit it and apologize. It doesn't make you look weak, it teaches your kids that it's ok to make mistakes--and that you're human, just like they are. Plus, they'll learn to admit and apologize for their own mistakes. Personally, I've made some mistakes just like everyone else--but my kids know that I take responsibility for my mistakes and apologize if necessary.

Plain Old Unconditional Love

The very best thing you can do for your relationship with your kids is to help them understand that they are loved, completely and without condition. That no matter what they do, they will always be your babies and you will always be their parents. Even when they're in trouble, even when they're cranky--or as the great Robert Munsch said in one of my favorite books, Love You Forever:

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

I bought that book for my oldest son's first Christmas, and this line has become my parenting mantra with all three of my kids. Because to me, my job as their mother is not just something I got stuck with--it's the highest honor I've ever had, and the most precious gift in my life. I would literally do anything to protect them and keep them safe--and they know it. As far as I'm concerned, that's what it's all about. 

How do you foster a positive relationship with your own kids?

Breaking the Cycle: 5 Ways to Foster a Positive Relationship With Your Kids

By Claire Hegarty

The most precious gift we can give to others is our presence.  When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.  Thic Naht Hanh


I totally agree with this quote from Thic Naht Hanh and have often felt annoyed to find that someone I've been talking to isn't really listening. Isn't really there.  I am sure you know what I mean.  The husband or partner that doesn't even look up from the newspaper, the friend who is looking somewhere beyond your head.  The complete lack of eye contact.

Because I feel like this, I was totally dismayed to have it pointed out that I sometimes do the same.  In fact, it was pointed out to me twice on the same day.  It was pointed out to me by my mother and my toddler son.  My mother was talking about one of her many hospital appointments and my attention had begun to wander.   I was brought back to the present by her comment that she hoped when I was old and sick, people would still look me in the eye and treat me like a valid human being.  She said she often had this problem with people these days.  I was immediately ashamed and gave her my full attention, eye contact included.

My son was playing with his train set at my feet and I was delighted that he was amusing himself.  It meant that I could get a few things of my own done.  Of course, I got the laptop open and was typing away when he asked me to play with him.  I didn't even acknowledge him, so engrossed was I in what I was doing.  I was only vaguely aware of his little voice in my background.  I was brought back to the present by his plaintitive cry that I was a bad mammy.  He stamped his feet and proceeded to have a tantrum and was only placated when I gave him my full focus and got down on the floor to play.  Then he was back to his sweet and good natured self.

Home truths from the mouths of babes, not to mention elders!

Our Presence

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

Fire Trucks and 9-11

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert



I was driving home from class today when I saw a couple of teenagers walking down the side of the road. They looked as though they may have been about 16 or 17 years old. They were dressed like the typical teenager these days with the saggy pants and the baggy t-shirts and that ridiculously looking baseball cap slightly skewed to the side. While these little fashion (and I use that word loosely here) statements are enough to make me want to pull over to the side of the road and tell them to pull their pants up - no one wants to see what color boxers you are wearing and PLEASE straighten out that baseball cap or at the very least turn it backwards…you are ruining the look of a baseball cap - what really astounds me is that they are both puffing away on a cigarette!

I mean seriously -- in this day and age with all the information out there about the health risks associated with smoking cigarettes how is it possible that the next generation still see fit to give a try?

Let’s forget about the health hazards here for just a second. If you think about it there is NOTHING beneficial to smoking -- NOTHING!! It’s gross, it stinks, it makes everything you own reek to high Heaven, it stains your teeth and your fingers, it costs close to 7$ a pack these days and did I mention that it’s just plain gross??

So if you already a smoker you should seriously think about quitting. My father was a lifetime smoker (he died at age 54, by the way, of a heart attack) and my mother was a smoker until she was 43 years old and then she quit cold turkey and never turned back. I saw my parents attempt to quit time and time again. I can sympathize with how difficult it is to quit. After all, tobacco is HIGHLY addictive. It’s not as simple as saying you won’t smoke anymore and then just not smoking.

But here are the almost immediate benefits to quitting:

--20 minutes after you quit your heart rate and blood pressure drop. The body temp of your feet and your hands return to normal.
--12 hours after you quit the carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal and the oxygen level increases.
--24 hours after you quit your chance of a heart attack decreases.
--48 hours later the nerve endings begin regrowth and your ability to smell and taste increases.
--2-3 weeks after you quit your circulation improves and your lung function increases.
--As soon as 1 month after quitting your shortness of breath decreases, cilia in your lungs regain normal function in the lungs which increases the ability to handle mucus and reduce the risk of infection.
--1 YEAR after you quit the extra risk of coronary heart disease is HALF that of a smoker’s. HALF -- that is huge!

Withdrawal of course, is another topic all together. But most of the withdrawal symptoms disappear by 2 weeks. Those two weeks might feel like hell but the benefits of getting through those two weeks are infinitesimal.

In addition, these days there are dozens of products to help you quit. Patches, gums, pills, inhalers, nasal sprays and even lozenges are available to aid in quitting smoking.

Even if you’re not ready to actually quit it still might be time to start thinking about it.

If you would like more information on quitting smoking or chewing and how to go about it you can call 1-800-QUIT NOW.

Next week: Tips to help get through the withdrawal from tobacco.

On The Way Home From School One Day....

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

Ex Issues - One Scenario

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Expert

It's not always easy to be a parent. As a single parent, it can be even more difficult. A single parent spends virtually every available minute with his or her children. There is often a lack of a break or any adult time. In short, sometimes the single parent ends up being the best friend of his or her child as well as the parent. This can lead to some problems.

As a single parent, I often feel as if I have failed my son in some way. I want to make up for that and I'm  not the type of person to want to spoil my child with material possessions. I freely admit that there are times when my son gets his way about things just because I am at a loss. There has been an important lesson to learn here though. My child wants a parent, not a friend. So does yours.

Sometimes children want more than just getting their way. When parents tells them "no", in a way they are reaffirming that they are in charge. In turn, the child feels secure in the fact that there is an adult there to rely on. When the line is crossed between being a parent and being a friend, the child cannot always feel as if they are taken care of because friends take care of each other, while parents take care of children.

Don't get me wrong, it's great for a child to learnt o nurture as well. However, that same child needs a parent to protect them and teach them. Personally, I have to remind myself that no one misses what they never had because they don't know what to miss. I really have no reason to feel bad because I'm a single parent. My son doesn't have to watch arguing or anything like that. I also need to remember that my son was too young to ever remember when we were a whole family. Therefore, he isn't really missing not being a whole family.

The point is that instead of trying to make up for the things we cannot give our children, maybe we should be focusing on what we can give them, using our own individual skills. It's great if children can talk to their parents about anything at all, but they also need to know who is in charge so that they can feel and be safe.

Friend or Parent?

Growing up, I believed that not having a father didn’t affect me one way or another. But it wasn’t until I married Joe and he became a father to our children that I felt the full impact of my father’s absence in my life.

The Good Father

Energy for older parents!

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

• Wear sturdy shoes. Although pick-your-own farms are designed for city slickers like us to visit, it’s still a working farm. Be prepared to tromp through uneven fields to find your farm fresh bounty.
• Bring a camera. You know why.
• Ask about prices. Pick-your-own fruit is generally priced by the pound, and you can’t put it back on the tree! Little kids get so excited picking that they can rack up a big bill before you know it. If you’re worried about coming in under budget, give the kids a limit and tell them to only pick the best looking fruit. I know, I once bought $40 worth of apples!
• Know what you’re going to do with the fruit. There’s a good chance you’re going to come home with WAY more fruit than you can eat in a week. Plan to fix a few pies or other recipes that can use up your fruit; or plan to share the kid’s harvest with grandma, neighbors, or strangers walking down the street.

Start a Family Tradition: Visit a Pick Your Own Farm

"I just want my kids to love who they are, have happy lives and find something they want to do and make peace with that. Your job as a parent is to give your kids not only the instincts and talents to survive, but help them enjoy their lives." ~Susan Sarandon

Here at The WM Parenting Connection, we believe that there is more than one way to raise a child. Each and every one of us has a unique parenting style, and that's why we feature so many different bloggers, topics and guest posters.

But ultimately, we collectively believe that most good parents want just what Susan Sarandon wants--to raise our kids to become happy, healthy, successful and productive adults. With that in mind, we blog here every day, sharing our own stories, offering advice and insight on the various stages and issues that come along with parenting our children, running our households, maintaining our relationships and just about everything else that comes along with the territory.

We're here to let other parents know that they're not alone, to share advice and wisdom gained from our own varied experiences, and to provide important information that parents need to know. We don’t tell you what we think you want to hear–we tell it like it is: the good, the bad and the ugly sides of parenting.

Now, it's your turn!

We want to know what you like about The WM Parenting Connection--and what you don't like. We want to know what you want to hear more about. What kinds of topics are interesting to you? What do you need to know? What do you want to read?

After all, dear readers, this is YOUR blog! We write it for you, our fellow parents--and we want to be sure we're providing the kind of material you want and need to read. 

We want to know what YOU think, so please vote in this poll and leave a comment below with your thoughts and suggestions! Thank you for reading, and thanks in advance for your input!

Hey Parents! Tell Us What YOU Think!

Sharing Is Caring

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Expert

The other day, a friend of mine told me that she had a conversation about the future with her boyfriend's son. He wants to be a professional dirt bike rider. She told him he better have a backup plan just in case that one didn't work out. I cringed when I heard that.

I've always been someone who couldn't stay at a job I hated. I just couldn't do it. I've also switched from one extreme to the other. For instance, I went from purchasing to plumbing in one year. Yep, from heels to steel toed boots. Why? Because I wanted to. I did that because there were so many things I wanted to learn and I never thought I could be a success at the things I already knew and wanted to do. I'm 37 and it just dawned on me that I have done well at things I didn't put 100% into, so why should I think I would be a failure if I put more than that into something I loved. The answer is that part of the equation is due to my upbringing.

I don't want to be that mom. I never want to say "You can't" or "It won't work". I may not like what my son wants to do for his future, but I like the fact that he gets to choose what he wants. After all, who are we as parents to tell our children that their dreams are only ever going to be dreams? Why can't they be a reality? As a single parent in trying economic times, I have struggled at various times to even find a job. Most of the time I have worked for myself. EVERY time I have worked for myself, someone was there to tell me that I couldn't make a living at what I was doing. EVERY time I was a success in what I chose, with many of my choices having to do with my son's schedule.

My point is that dreams are only dreams if that's what we choose for them to be. I say that we should encourage our children to follow those dreams and make those choices. IF those dreams fail, then I guess they will be right where they were before they even attempted to realize their dreams. Only now, they will have fond memories instead of questions in their minds about how things could have worked out.

Encouraging Dreams for the Future