The WM Parenting Connection

The Dangers of Posting Your Children's Pictures Online

I have just returned from a day trip to Howth, a seaside village near where we live. It was glorious.  The sun shone down, there was street music, markets and a multitude of other things going on.

There was only one thing wrong and that was that I drove there.  I drove there while my husband cycled with all 42lbs of our little boy on the back of the bicycle.  There was no way that I could have cycled that journey without keeling over during it. I am not fit enough.

I am disgusted with myself.  I am now as heavy as I was when I was nine months pregnant in 2007.  I cannot believe that I have let things go this far. I have developed back problems too and the doctor said that losing a bit of weight would help.

When I look in the mirror, I think I look okay but others have commented on my weight gain and my clothes are too tight. It took me ages to find something to wear to go out last night and I really wasn't happy with anything.  We went out for a meal and for the first time ever, I passed on the dessert.

As a fortysomething Mum,who needs to have lots of energy to run after her toddler, this state of affairs cannot go on. I have mentioned it in blogs before but have done nothing about it.  My little man starts kindergarten tomorrow for three hours each morning so now I have NO excuse.  I need to get my ass out walking and cycling to shift this flab and become forty something and fab! I need to get my eating habits under control.  I need to stop making excuses about middle age spread and forties flab!

Any suggestions to help on my journey would be much appreciated!

Forties Flab! By Claire Hegarty

Gather Around the Fire for Family Time

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

I typically write about family related health issues which is a pretty broad topic. But today I am writing with a request for advice from our readers.

As you may or may not know our family is a blended family. I have three teenagers from my first marriage and then my husband and I have our five year old together. My oldest went to live with her Dad when she was 16 (she is now 18 years old and in her first year of college) because she was having trouble getting along with my husband.

Now my second oldest is also struggling. Although she has no intention of going anywhere and I am glad about that it is still a hard situation.

My husband is a career Marine and he is very rigid when it comes to responsibility and respect. He has expectations and he expects those expectations to be met. He places a high priority on taking initiative and doing a job the right way.

As a teenager my daughter is now 17 and in that phase where she doesn't want to be told what to do by anyone. I remember being there myself when I was sure I knew everything and that when I grew up I would never be like my mother cause I was smarter.

When I was a kid it didn't matter if my Mom or Dad made me mad - where was I going to go? They were my parents. There was no "well, he's my step-dad or she's my step-mom so they don't matter" mentality.

The person that suffers the most from the tension between the two of them is me. I am on my kid's side and I am on my husband's side and I am on my side. To them it may just be an argument or a fight but to me it makes me second guess every decision I have ever made. I realize that I am being a little dramatic here but when all I have ever wanted was a happy, peaceful family it is bothersome to me that my family is just as dysfunctional as any other.

I know my family loves each other and I know that no matter the frustration and irritation they display to one another at the end of the day we are a family and a family that sticks together.

So my question is - How has your family dealt with the added complications of a blended family? Is it something that everyone goes through and eventually we will all look back and laugh at the teenage years that we survived? Or am I just doomed to feel caught between all the people that I love for the rest of my natural life?

A Question For Our Readers

A spoiler alert and a confession: at the bottom of this post, I will provide a recipe some "goo" I made for my daughter's birthday party. It was a hit, and a couple moms wanted to know how I made it. The confession part? I'm blatantly trying to trick a few folks onto this site via this goo recipe.





But first off, another confession. I'm really looking forward to the start of the school year. It's not that I look forward to fall exactly, although autumn is a beautiful season. Nor do I look forward to a winter that seems...to...never...end. No, I'm just really looking foward to those four hours of solitude I'll get with my youngest in preschool.




These days, I fantasize about what I'll do with that time. Or more precisely, I have crazy and possibly convoluted aspirations for this time. Most of these...err..."aspirations" fall into the following categories:





1. Be a perfect housewife.


There, I've said it. I recently submitted a piece to my writer's group on wanting to get the home in Martha Stewart, color coded perfection. I cringed when I read the comment "this is about being a housewife..." Agh!! Really? Housewife? The phrase seems so...dowdy, circa 1950's, unenlightened. Yet...my house feels like CHAOS. I want ORDER! I never stay on this neat house bandwagon for long, lacking either that organizational gene, and/or a vigilant ability to get youngsters to clean up. But I'm itching to try.





2. Engage in Self-Improvement.


I'm basically a stay-at-home mom, and I'm grateful for that opportunity. I have realistic memories of having been a cubicle dweller of sorts. Still, for a while I managed to do some freelance work out of the house during naptimes, and I loved the fact that persons I worked with regarded me as a professional. And I usually return from my once a month writer's group hopped up not just on overpriced lattes, but actual ideas that have nothing to do with playdates. Might there be something else out there I can venture into, further educate myself about? In two hour increments?





3. Rejuvenate Self


I don't want to be a cruise director for children's activities. I'm sick of hearing the phrase "Mom, I need you". Or "What are we doing today?" Or "Can I have a playdate?...I'm hungry...he's hitting me...." I'm letting my children watch too much TV, too early in the day. I'm not enforcing chores, yet I'm feeling resentful when things are a wreck and I attempt to clean up. I'm either becoming a really bad mom, or I just...need...a...break. You know, to stare at the wall in peace and quiet for a couple hours.



Where would you start?



Oh, and here's the recipe for goo: fill your largest pot almost full of water; bring to boil. Mix cornstart into water; add to pot and stir. Keep doing this until you've added nearly the entire box and water thickens. Add food coloring and flavoring if you like. Let cool before doing crazy things with it.

What Would You Do With Four Hours? (plus a recipe for goo)

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

Last week we were on vacation in the Beer and Cheese Capital of the United States – Milwaukee, Wisconsin. This city is my hometown. It is where I was born and raised. It is where my family resides. Two years ago was my last visit when I took Djuanna the first time. This time we had Tyler with us. As a stepparent, I feel it is also important that a child know where you come from as well as the biological parents.

I have to admit that for me the trip was pretty far from being a vacation. Some of you might relate that when you go “home” to see family, it isn’t always the most restful of experiences. But then again, the trip really wasn’t about me.

This was about my parents. Seeing my Mom and Dad who aren’t getting any younger. It was about letting the entire family “share” me for a few days. (Not that I think I’m anything special but if they do, well, ok then) It was about Djuanna seeing me among them all and enjoying seeing my grandmother who is all 5’1” tall grab me and call me her “sweet baby boy”. All 6’5” and 50 years of me. But for me what was most important was this “vacation” made Tyler happy. And it was our first vacation together as a real family. As a parent, or stepparent, you do things for them.

Ty had never been to the upper Midwest and I knew it would be exciting for her. Getting to show her off to my family, some of who had not met her yet was a high for me. Watching her bond with my niece Emily (Jessie's younger sister for those who have followed me) was cool too. I think they were separated at birth.

From my view this vacation was great. Like any parent I was able to show Tyler off. I was walking around the state fair, bored on one hand yet entertained by Ty’s antics with my niece on the other. Watching the interactions she had with my dad as they sat close, getting into each other's space, playfully trading elbows. And there was more.

She and Djuanna are my family, the family of my own that I never had. The family my parents hoped I would have. My family.

Stepfamily Vacation

by Marina DelVecchio

One of the biggest pitfalls we fall into as parents is that we "see" ourselves in our kids, and because of that, we give them not what they actually need, but what we needed that perhaps our own parents did not give us. The truth is, as much as we give our children, if we're not giving them what they need, then it's all for nothing.

I don't want my son to grow up as I did, so I shower him with hugs, kisses, and lots of daily "I love you's." Since I never had that as a child, it's important that I give him those things. I don't want him to grow up feeling unloved or worthless. But as much of these things as I give him, he is still hungry for my attention. And now that he has a little sister who takes up a lot of my time, his need of me has doubled, making me feel like I am not giving him enough.

This makes me think of my relationship with my adoptive mom even more. She gave me a lot of things, but they had not been what I had needed as a child. She took me to the ballet, the opera, and all over the world. But these were things that she had needed as a child, not what I had needed. Her parents had been poor, and although they loved her, they had not been able to give her the culture she had needed. Thus, when she adopted me, I was eight years old, and she gave me the things that she had needed as opposed to what I needed, which had nothing to do with culture and the finer things in life. I needed love, tons of it, and I needed the security of knowing that she would not abandon me as my biological family had. Although she never abandoned me physically, she did abandon me emotionally by keeping her distance and never really getting to know me or my history.

This is why I now try so hard to be aware of my son's needs and attempt to give him what he requires -- not what I had desired. I realize that he does not need what I had needed -- hugs, kisses, fist full of I love you's. All kids need these things; they are important for every child. But what my son needs more is for me to interact with him -- physically, which is so hard for me because my childhood was not centered on playing. Seven years old, he needs me to throw the ball with him, chase him, swim with him, play games with him, and so on. Being in the same room as me is not enough.

And for the first time in my life, I have to play -- actually throw myself into the world of games, and laughter, and childish things I know nothing about. He challenges me to be better, but also to be child-like.

I'll let you know how it goes, but in the meantime, look at your kids and see them for who they are; see their needs, not yours. Even if they look as you did when you were a child, their personalities are different, their needs are different, and their circumstances are completely different than yours had been.

The Importance of 'Seeing' Earnest

By Claire Hegarty, Forty Something Mum

Is it because I am a forty something now that I am finding it harder to lose weight?  I have read that it is more difficult to lose weight once you get to this age and I am inclined to believe it.

I have a son who is a few months off three years old to run after and I go walking every day.  Maybe I need to stop snacking on the ice creams and cheese triangles. It's almost like an addiction. I would rather eat ten crackers with cheese triangles and ten ice creams than eat my dinner! Well, they are low fat products.  I don't suppose this makes much difference if I then proceed to eat more of them. Sigh.

When I was in my twenties and thirties, I could eat what I wanted and the walking seemed to balance it out. Now it doesn't seem to work that way.  Even though I  walk a lot and do yoga and run about after a toddler. I think I am finally going to have to change my eating habits. I have been trying to eat healthier for the sake of my little son anyway.  If he is following by example, then I want that example to be good.

It's a hard thing to do when the only way I like fruit is atop a cheesecake and the best way I can consume vegetables is in a soup. It's summer now and too hot to be making soup. I am eating lots of salads though, so that will help. If only I didn't have to have cheese triangles, crackers and ice cream along with it!

I vow that I will start properly and in earnest and  I hope that I do not let myself down.
Notice that I did not say when!

Fab or Fat Fortysomething?

Do your kids need more sleep?

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert


Back to school time means back to a regular sleep schedule for a lot of parents of school aged kids. It’s easy to let kids stay up late during the summer when you’re a stay at home mom, since kids can generally sleep in late. I know I let my kids stay up later than the average mom I know—I relish the few kid free hours I can grab as my little one sleeps in!

Now that school is in session we’re having to adjust bed times for everyone. My oldest now goes to middle school, which has a 7:30am start! The bus rolls up to our corner at 6:57am—a drastic change from the old bus stop time of 8:50am.

A kid’s health, behavior and ability to learn can be affected by lack of sleep, so it’s very important to get school kids adjusted to a sleep schedule that gives them enough rest.

Kids between 6 and 9 need about 10 hours of sleep, while preteens need around 9 hours. Every kid is different, so your child may need more or less sleep to get through the school day with a positive attitude.

You can tell if your kid needs more sleep if he or she has developed a short attention span, is irritable or restless. If your kid is more anxious and tearful than normal, or more impatient, he or she could be in need of more sleep.

Get your kid on a regular sleep schedule and stick to it each night, even through the weekends. Avoid big meals close to bed time, and if your kid has trouble sleeping try avoiding caffeine.

Even older kids need a soothing bedtime routine. They might be too old for mom to read a picture book, but you can have your child read for 20 minutes—a plus, since most teachers require students to read at home every night.

Sleep is Important for School Kids

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

Growth

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Contributor

These days, lots of parents are turning to homeschooling rather than public schooling. While this isn't actually a new idea, it is somewhat more difficult to do in these modern times than it originally was.

Homeschooling actually was the original "norm" for people. In fact, they didn't even have a name for it since children simply learned from their parents, whether it be a trade or domestic skills. As the idea of education progressed, along with the written word, a concept of school developed, though it was still done at home and mostly only by those that could afford it.

It wasn't really until industrialization began to develop that actual schools were created. That was due to the fact that parents had much to do besides schooling their children. (See a pattern here?)

Of course, there has always been a difference between economic classes and the methods of schooling. The problem with schooling at home isn't really even an economic one anymore. There are actually free ways to homeschool, such as the K12 Academy. But, these aren't exactly homeschooling either.

I homeschooled my son for about 2 years. It was frustrating at times, yet other times I wouldn't have traded it for anything. His manners and vocabulary were outstanding. He developed an avid interest in science that is not cultivated in the public schools at his age. Most importantly, he learned about my values instead of the values of the public school system.

There were a couple of things that made me send him back to public school. For one, he is an only child and we moved to an area with limited homeschoolers. When we were around more homeschoolers, I could justify the method I used to develop his social skills. The other thing was my own schooling and work. As I head towards the tail end of my degree, it requires more time and devotion. My work also takes quite a bit of my attention. In short, I felt that his academic career would suffer do to my own lack of time.

But, I would homeschool him in a heart beat if things were different. I don't like him being taught to be just like everyone else. I don't like the lack of respect that he learns from other children his age. In fact, I don't even like the fact that he has to change for gym in front of other boys. Seriously, who thought that was a good idea in the first place?

I recommend homeschooling, especially for single parents if they are able. It works better if there is more than one child. It even works better if the parent is in school as well because the child feels like more of a grownup doing their homework. Single parents must be mother and father. They don't need the added strain of trying to undo some of the things that are learned in public schools. The rising cost of education can also mean that homeschooling is actually cheaper for single parents than public school. On top of book costs and other fees, there isn't a week that goes by that my son doesn't come home asking for money or being asked to sell something for the school. Besides, homeschooling means that the child can learn at his or her own pace and focus on academic studies rather than placing the focus on 7-8 hours of social skills.

Homeschool or Public School?

By Stacey Roberts-Ohr, Executive Director, Expanding Your Horizons Network

Confession one: this is my first experience as a guest blogger, or as any blogger for that matter.

Confession two: I’m a childfree by choice chick. I don’t have kids and have never experienced the joys and tribulations of motherhood. I don’t know if this makes me any less qualified to contribute charming witty banter to a mommy blog. You be the judge.

What can a happy, childfree by choice, 44 year old woman possibly contribute to a mommy blog? Well, I actually got some good advice on how to raise a confident and happy teen daughter who one day might want to change the world- I've been asked to share this advice with you today as the Director of a non- profit that works with teenage girls to motivate them to pursue careers in science, technology, engineering and math.

I work at The Expanding Your Horizons Network, an organization that motivates young women to pursue careers in science, technology, engineering and math (STEM). Fact: girls tend to lose interest in science and math during middle school. During these turbulent years, girls often subconsciously feel that “pretty” is better than being smart. Smart girls don’t have boyfriends and they don’t get asked to school dances or to parties. Yes, that’s the message many girls internalize, even if it’s not true.

Enter The Expanding Your Horizons Network. Through our one-day hands-on math and science conferences, we present a safe and fun environment where girls can become innovative and creative thinkers, ready to solve 21st century challenges. Middle school girls gather at a local university and meet with professional women engineers, computer scientists, and even female astronauts. They listen to their stories, learn about their career paths, and glean some cool details about their personal lives (some astronauts and physicists sport stylish tattoos, skydive and some are even moms themselves). The girls also dive in and participate in an interactive hands-on activity. They might build LEGO robots and participate in a robot demolition derby, or extract and bottle their own DNA. Whatever the activity, these women are amazing role models and the girls have a blast.

Sometimes, I wish I was one of the smart scientists I interact with in my job. I wish I was designing buildings that are impenetrable to terrorists, or inventing a new medical device to help improve the lives of the disabled, I wish I could develop a new mathematical formula that would do something cool. If I had a teenage daughter, I would want her to pursue a STEM focused career and would do everything in my power to help her understand that these careers pay well and are within reach.

If I did have the darling teenager that you have (let’s call her Clementine-- my secret, cool girl’s name), here are a couple of smart, subtle things I would do to influence her choice of career:
First, I would send her to the nearest EYH conference. They cost as little as $10 and they are located worldwide. Visit the EYH website at www.expandingyourhorizons.org.to find one near you.
Second, I would introduce Clementine to STEM role models every chance I got. I would help her interact and meet female STEM professionals both in social and professional environments. I would encourage Clementine to spend a few days shadowing a successful female scientist at her place of employment. I would also encourage Clementine to participate in her school science fair and sign up to attend a “rad” summer sleepover science program where the kids would call her “Clem.”


Okay, it’s true that Clementine only lives in my head, but if I did have a daughter like her, I would do everything in my power to convince her that it’s okay to be smart, and that math and science careers are a cool career option.

Do you have someone like Clementine living in your house? What have you done to encourage her interest in STEM? I would really like to know. Send me an email at Stacey@expandingyourhorizons.org.

Check out more about the Expanding Your Horizons Network at www.expandingyourhorizons.org, and learn more about our recent honor. We recently won the 2010 Public Service Award of the year from the National Science Board. You can read more about it at http://bit.ly/boJc3h.

About Stacey Roberts-Ohr

Stacey Roberts-Ohr is the Executive Director of The Expanding Your Horizons Network (EYH/N).  She is responsible for  overseeing 85 Expanding Your Horizons in science and mathematics conferences throughout the United States and several internationally. She also works with the Expanding Your Horizons Network Board of Directors ensuring that their mission of encouraging young women in science and mathematics is being fulfilled.  Stacey has a masters degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California with a concentration in community organization, planning and administration. She also has a masters in Jewish Communal Service from Hebrew Union College- Jewish Institute of Religion.  She has been employed at EYH/N since 2002.

Prior to her current position at The Expanding Your Horizons Network, Stacey worked at a variety of non-profit organizations and at San Francisco State University.

Guest Post: Your Daughters Can Be Smart – Not Just Pretty

Protect your Children with the Child Guard System

A similar thing happened to me today. While on a family day out with my husband and son, we got talking to a couple who had five children with them. The mother went off to speak with someone else and the father then went off to take a younger one to the toilet. Before he went, he looked at me and said he would leave them in my capable hands as I looked as if I had a brood at home!

Older doesn't mean Wiser

Back to School for At Home Moms

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert


This week kids all over the country are heading back to school. That means early to bed, early to rise, homework and of course a whole new set of germs for our kiddos to be exposed to. Every year I dread the start of the school year for this exact reason. Since my youngest was born the beginning of the school year means some kind of illness. Whether the germs are brought home by my older kids or he went back to preschool after summer vacation -- the result is always the same...sickness. This year the little man starts kindergarten and I can feel that sense of dread beginning inside me that is waiting for the first sign of a cold or flu.


There are some simple things that can be done to decrease the likelihood that our kids are gonna come home sick after week one of school.

• WASH YOUR HANDS. WASH YOUR HANDS. I cannot stress this enough. Hand washing is the number one way to prevent the spread of illness. Teach your children to wash their hands and to keep their hands away from their face. Noses, eyes, ,mouth - they are all entry points for germs.
• Eat Healthy. Provide your child with healthy meals and snacks. Proper nutrition helps to keep the immune system running at its best.
• Get plenty of sleep. Children ages 3-12 need between 10-12 hours a sleep per day. Children between the ages of 12-18 need 8-9 hours of sleep per day.
• Exercise. Children of all ages need to move their bodies. Just 20 minutes a day can help enhance the immune system.
• Drink plenty of water. Keep your kids hydrated. Water flushes the system of toxins and keeps the body running smoothly.

The beginning of the school year can be a fun and exciting time. Not to mention an incredibly hectic time for families -- who has time for illness? By doing these few things you can help your child stay healthy and hopefully avoid illness.

Back to School Germs

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

Actions speak louder than words. Well, so they say. But the words we use can be so impactful in many ways. They can make an immediate impact, changing thoughts and feelings in the blink of an eye. Or they can make a lasting impression, one that can be positive or negative in nature.

Think back to the memory you have in your childhood where you heard someone say something and how you felt after hearing it. To the adult speaking that word or words it might not have been a big deal but for whatever reason it is imprinted in your mind. When I think about this
I realize I can't go around worrying about what one particular word or moment in time will be the one that sticks in a child's mind. That would be impossible. But I can be consistent in some of the words I do use. Or don't use.

"Enough of the rambling Pseudo-Dad, get to the point."

Ok then, I vote we get rid of the word "Step". I mean are we going to step on them? Or maybe we found them on the front step. I know there's an origin but let's put it in the past.

When Tyler and I are out and about together I always refer to her as my daughter. I don't say, "This is my girlfriend's daughter" or "This is my Stepdaughter". Why would I put a label on her? Certainly I'm not going to walk up and down her. We already know that if you're a Stepmother that makes you evil right? Of course not, but it can just put a negative spin on the relationship. When it comes to Tyler and I people aren't going to mistake us as blood relatives anyway. I also
like the impact it has when I can introduce her to others. I am amused when someone I don't know hears me call her my daughter since the race difference is something that can't be hidden. It also sends a message that we are part of a changing world, like it or not. But most
importantly it says that I am proud to call this young lady mine. I claim her as my own.

I say let's get rid of the Step and just be their parents. After all, that's what we are.

Stepping Out

by Kat Foust: Single Parent Contributor

Every parent struggles with the potty training problem. This is especially true of single parents who raise a child of the opposite sex. For instance, I struggled to potty train my son.

Some of the tips that I used included using a water bottle to pretend I was standing up to pee so I could show my son. I put Cheerios in the toilet. I begged. I rewarded. I wanted to pull my hair out. Finally, I solve the problem by letting him run around naked. If he wasn't in a diaper, he didn't know what to do when he had to go to the bathroom. Eventually he figured out to use the toilet. Of course, he didn't learn that before he had "watered" a few of the house plants.

Sometimes potty training goes beyond the norm. Children may have physical issues or even be having some mental issues that prevent them from using the bathroom. The first step is to take the child to the doctor if the problem persists.

There's also something that no parent wants to consider and it is especially true of encopresis, or a child soiling their pants with solids. Sadly, if there is no physical problem, encopresis can be a sign of sexual abuse. The reasons for encopresis due to sexual abuse are actually pretty obvious once you learn them.

If your child struggles with this issue, there is one thing that needs to be made absolutely clear. The child needs to be encouraged, not belittled. Body language is a great deal of our communication so parents need to be extra careful to control thier facial expressions. The problem is rarely due to the stubborness of a child. Rather, there is usually a larger problem. Try talking to your child and paying attention to their diet, but be sure to watch their behavior for any signs of sexual abuse.

Potty Training Tips, for the Single Mom

by Marina DelVecchio

The Perfect Mother Phallacy

The Real World

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

I recently found this humorous column over at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch from Aisha Sultan on the different types of moms you’ll find when you’re searching for new mommy friends. Do you recognize yourself in any of these mommy types?

The Gym Class Mommy: “a soccer-mom in the making.”

The Jogging Stroller Mommy: “she can easily run over small mammals with her top-of-the-line jogging stroller.”

The Walking Mamapedia: she keeps track of milestones and will “use your child as her measuring stick.”

La Leche Mom: “you’ll have to hide your stash of Pampers” around this mom.

Sultan also talks about the type of moms you’ll find at a McDonald’s play land or the mall’s kid zone. But one type of mom she forgot about was one I’m most familiar with…the Blogger Mommy.

The Blogger Mommy: You might have a hard time finding the Blogger Mommy out in public since she spends a lot of time holed up in her rec room, typing away on her latest post, with her kids playing on the floor nearby. But when the Blogger Mommy needs more fodder for her web site, watch out! She’ll be stalking Wi-Fi hot zones with a toddler in one hand and a laptop in the other.

What Kind of Mom are You?

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

• Focus on what makes a successful adult - learning how to problem solve is a big part of that. So while watching your kids struggle to work things out for themselves is a tough thing to do realize that is what is going to make them successful.


• Trust that you raised your child right. Have faith in what you have taught them for the first eighteen years of their life and hope that it is in the core of their being somewhere shaping their choices. Expect them to make mistakes and love them through those mistakes...we all made mistakes and you know it was easier to learn from when we had someone loving us anyway.


• Stay connected. Nowadays most kids have a cell phone and a computer. Text, IM or call. But understand that your baby has a life of their own now, one that is undoubtedly busy and may not respond the second you hit send or dial.


• Be prepared to listen without giving advice. College presents itself with many new challenges and experiences. Some good and some not so good. When your college kid calls you to complain about their roommate who is too loud or their professor that is too tough or their homework that is out of control...just listen. They need to be able to vent to you without you giving unsolicited advice. If they want your help to sort this stuff out they will let you know otherwise just give them an ear and a ton of support.


• Send care packages. Give them a taste of home. Send their favorite snacks, favorite soap, magazines or home baked goods. Money can be tight for a college student so splurging on luxuries like perfume or magazines may not be doable...a little surprise from home may be just the thing to put a smile on your kid's face.

I have no doubt my beautiful daughter is going to make the transition to college with flying colors and is going to be great! I also think that with a little bit of love and patience on her part her Mom will make it through the transition equally as well...I hope!

She's Ready For College - But Am I?

By Tyler Brockington, Stepparenting

A StepDaughter's View

by Kat Foust

Are you teaching your child the importance of charity in these trying economic times? While it may seem to be a stretch right now, these are precisely the times when charity is so important. It's great for the mental health of the whole family and it teaches the child to think not only of themselves, but others as well.

Children from broken homes are in a unique position. They depend on one parent for the majority of their life skills and survival. This isn't always a bad thing, depending on the skills of either parent. The point is that parents have the job of teaching their children compassion and empathy, unless they want their children to turn into the school bully or town snob. If that's the case, they probably wouldn't be reading about parenting in the first place.

Single parents tend to struggle more than families that are together, simply because they have less income. The good news is that because they have less income, they often qualify for assistance in a variety of areas. Why not pass that idea along to the community. Below are some things that you can do with your child or children to help them develop a charitable heart.

• Share a meal. This is actually quite a simple concept, especially for families that get food stamps. In my house, we regularly send meals down the hall to our less fortunate neighbors. to be honest, I'm horrible about remembering that we have left overs in the fridge and it's difficult to cook for just Hunter and I. So, when we have left overs, we share them with the neighbors.
• Use your skills. Everyone has their own distinct set of skills. A group of people who combine those skills can find that they all benefit. This should be done with charity in mind, not reciprocation, but Karma does work wonders. At my house, we love kids. My son is great with younger children. So, if a friend needs some time out, we welcome his or her children to our house and don't charge them. Those same people often do favors for me, like working on my radiator without me asking them to.
• Donate clothes. Hunter seems to grow every couple of weeks. I search my mind for people we know who might have children that could benefit from his outgrown clothing. We pass those clothes along to the child of his choice. If we can't find anyone, then we take them to Goodwill.

One of the most important aspects of charity is to get the child involved. Whether they are picking who the charity goes to or simply carrying a meal to the neighbor down the hall, the benefits are numerous to them. They not only learn to be charitable, but they also learn to appreciate what they have as they take note of what others struggle to have.

Children and Charity

By Angela Atkinson
Family Dynamics

Do you remember why you married your husband or wife? Do you still do "the little things" to show your spouse how much you care? Or has the business of parenting your children and running your household caused you to become more like business partners?

Many parents don't realize the importance of preserving their marriage. This is not only important for you as a couple, but also extremely important for your kids.

Children who come from divorced families are statistically less successful in several areas than those whose parents stay together.

So how do you go about keeping your marriage strong, even with the sometimes overwhelming responsibility of having a family? Try these tips.

• The Five Minute Rule--Make it a rule that the two of you spend a minimum of five minutes alone each day. This sounds like very little time, and many wonder what effect it could possibly have on a marriage. However, when you have small children, five minutes can be enough time to catch up with one another. You can spend your time talking, snuggling, kissing, or doing whatever makes you feel good. It's a good way to stay connected.
• Listen--Really listen. This means that when your spouse talks to you about her day, her concerns, or anything at all, try to give her your full attention. If you're in the middle of something that can't wait, say something like, "I'd really love to hear what you've got to say. Give me one moment and you'll have my full attention." This shows your spouse that you respect her and care about what she's got to say.
• Kindness and Consideration--Treat your spouse like you treat your friends. It's easy to forget to be kind or polite to your spouse as you work side by side to raise your family. Consider your spouse's feelings in all situations, and do what you can to preserve them. Even if you're not hurting your spouse with your words or actions, you may find yourself skipping basic kindnesses you'd offer to friends or even strangers. Remember that your spouse is the person with whom you've chosen to spend your life. Treat him or her accordingly.

What do you do to keep your marriage strong?

Mom & Dad In Love: It's the Little Things

Preventing the Childhood Obestiy Epidemic

My kids are entering good ages to really enjoy summer, and for me to enjoy it with them. As another stay-home-mom noted recently, "Life is good right now. I wake up in the morning and think: what can we do today that's fun? It won't last forever." Even if work is cramping your style, there are things that are unique to the summer. Here are some of our most enjoyable experiences.



1. Ice cream for dinner.

I looove ice cream. I'd been mentioning how I still needed to sample one of the local parlors that is often mentioned on local "best of" lists. We finally did it. After the kids swim lessons. Without dinner first. (My husband said we could do dinner first, but I thought, who are we kidding? As if the average restaurant meal is much healthier?) He also looked at his sundae and commented that no human being should eat that much ice cream at once. Really? I argued, and ate my entire gynormous cone. So did our son. He will be my future ice cream date.



2. Swimming as many different places as possible.

To date these include Lake Huron, a few inland lakes, 2 outdoor pools, and 1 indoor. (Go figure on the last, but it saves on sunscreen, and it was post workout. If you mention "we'll swim after I exercise," guess what? You're committed to exercise.) I especially enjoyed seeing my daughter jump off her first diving board.



3. Water-skiing. Backwards.

This was me, attempting to reclaim my college years. And yes, I can waterski backwards. Though I took a few falls. Which made my son laugh. Hysterically.



4. Went camping.

This is how we started the summer. The kids loved it; I'm still torn. Should packing duration>trip duration? Then again, since it was the first trip of the summer, I hadn't yet gotten used to the continuous pack/unpack/repack cycle we can get into. And our son slept so much better in a tent than last year. Eventually, we'll be pros.



5. Gone fishin'.

Sort of. My son is obsessed with fish, and was dying to go fishing from day one of summer. He had the most success standing on a pier scooping up fish using Wonder Bread as bait and a net. My attempt to take them, err, "real" fishing--you know, with a pole and all--resulted in the unfortuate and expensive loss of a cell phone. Have I pegged myself here as a suburban mom? Fishing=losing cell phone? I'm still checking my facebook page for an update from some low lying carp.

6. Enjoy a small town family fun day.
Honestly, this was one of the funnest days I had with my kids, and it was totally unplanned. I took them to check out Michigan's longest foot suspension bridge, and stumbled upon a family fun day. Pony rides, horse and trolly rides, potato car races, cotton candy, and more, all at a fraction of the cost of anywhere around our digs. Next year, I'll come dressed for that dunk tank.



7. Went blueberry picking.
If you've never gone, go. I've picked apples, cherries, blackberries, raspberries, and strawberries, but I think blueberries take the cake (or should I say pie) for beauty, ease, affordability, and sweetness. I especially liked how the berries actually sounded like "kur-plink, kur-plank, kur-plunk" like in Blueberries for Sal. No thorns, no bending, no climbing. And chock full of antioxidants. Both the kids and hubby enjoyed it.



8. Went shopping...by myself.
First, I was going to take the kids to Wal-mart to look for a new blow-up boat. Then, when they wanted to stay home with Dad, I was going to go by myself. Then I thought, "Who am I kidding? Like I want to go to Wal-mart?" Instead, I wandered through some charming stores in Lexington, MI, that neither my children nor husband would have the patience to browse through. And you know what? It was really nice. I even went so crazy as to buy myself a funky little necklace cleverly made of seaglass. Yep. Crazy. That's me.

What fun things did you do?

Seven Fun Things I Did With the Kids This Summer (And a few I did on my own)

by Claire Hegarty, 40 Something First Time Mum
 
Song is what feelings sound like. ~Author Unknown


I don't know if it's just me or if it's something that all mothers do.

Since my little boy came into the world, I find myself singing songs and directing them all at him. When I was a younger, more starry eyed girlie, the songs would automatically bring my significant other to mind. I would sing along to soppy love songs thinking only of him.

It's amazing. The words of songs touch me now, in a totally different way. Much to my husband's chagrin, it's my little boy I think of.

I love my other half but it's my little boy who truly is the 'sunshine of my life'

Sunshine of My Life