The WM Parenting Connection

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

It's the last day of July and the back to school sales area already in full swing. Soon those big yellow buses will be rolling down the street to take our kids back to school.

Are you looking forward to the start of school along with the upheaval it will bring to your household? Schedules will change, lunches will need to be packed, and school backpacks will need to be organized.

The back to school schedule shift is going to be huge at my house. My oldest is going to middle school this year, while little brother is still young enough to stay home. To make matters worse, middle school in our district starts an hour and a half earlier than elementary school did last year. We’re on a 3-tier bus system and Ryan's old elementary was the last school to start at 9am. Now he'll have to get up earlier to catch a 7am bus. Yuck.

My kid who’s been used to late bed times his whole life will now have to start going to sleep earlier--and so will I if I’m going to help him get ready!

The only thing good about middle school’s early start is that it ends early too. My boy will be getting home at 2:30pm with plenty of time to still play outside, even in the winter.

But the start of school means the start of homework, and of being on top of laundry and lunch snacks. You can’t really send an 11 year old off to 6th grade in his pajamas with a pop tart in his lunch box just because mom was too busy.

All in all, I don’t think I’ll miss this summer of 2010 with its nasty recession, oil spills and miserable political news. This have been the summer of tight budgets, heat waves and no cheeseburgers—though the last bit was due to a new diet, so maybe I should leave it off the list.

Nope, I think I’m looking forward to a new school year.

Say Goodbye to Summer of 2010

Child's Play

By Debbie Pecis

Some things in this motherhood gig are just not my forte.

I did not ease into motherhood as if a baby were simply a designer handbag, a cute little thing that accessorizes my life. Even as I write that sentence, it seems obnoxious--but a celebrity hungry media does seem to perpetuate such a notion. My baby was real: she cried, she fussed through diaper changing, she cried, she fought the bottle, she cried, she spit up, and have I mentioned she cried? All. Night. Long. My second was easier, but he was also my ear infection baby, and the one that familiarized me with a nebulizer.

I am not that mother who is always put together. Neither was my own mother, and I must sheepishly admit, I sort of wanted her to be like that one neighborhood mom was who put-together-just-so each day. A fellow mom-friend of mine casually mentioned that she puts on her make-up each morning, her daughter sticking her fingers in pots of foundation some days. "You're so good; I just don't bother with the make-up thing," I said. Apparently, her mother-in-law advised her early on that putting yourself together each morning helps you feel better throughout the day. I pondered this notion; perhaps there's some truth to it, that sort of dress-for-success notion.

Then again, maybe this mother-in-law should have just been told to shove it.

My own mother did manage to keep a neat house. Neat and clean and organized. Apparently, my dad expected home to look nice at the end of the day. Plus my mom, even to this day, was keen on "putting things away when you're done playing with them." I suppose I should be teaching household responsibility by guiding my children to clean up after themselves. But being "done playing" doesn't make much sense to me. Does play have a beginning or end? It all seems to run together for me. Sometimes I hound the kids to pick up, but it's usually at the day's end. Ultimately, unless I'm hosting something or just too fed up with toy-mania (where's the adult space? I want adult space!) there's clutter.

I'm sure it's my own insecurities (or is it laziness?) that make me question such motherly attributes. And are they motherly attributes at all? Being primped or having a neat-as-a-pin home? Neither one have anything to do, at least directly, with children.

This past week I visited a friend who lives on her own lake. She and her husband are avid water-skiers, and they actually dug a lake on their property for that purpose. We were out in her boat, our children in tow, getting ready to ski. But first, the kiddos were hot; they wanted to jump in. We all stood on the boat's platform, held hands, and jumped in. All the way in. Under. We laughed, we splashed, we played. (Oh, and I water-skied. Backwards.) And I commented at some time: Funny, I didn't know too many moms who will get their hair wet.

I think that's a good thing. I hope my children have good memories not just of playing and splashing in the water, but of me actively enjoying it. And so, I may not be the primped mom, or the clean house mom, but I am a wet hair mom.

Now we're getting ready for the pool.

The Kind of Mom I'm Not

Parenting Advice Showdown! Enter for Your Chance to Win!!

by Claire Hegarty

Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in while, or the light won't come in. ~ Alan Alda

As a forty something first time mum, I sometimes feel awkward when meeting other first time mums, because they all seem so much younger than me. I have had quite a few experiences where even when I haven't been thinking of my age, someone else has.

There was the time I attended a mother and toddler playtime group with my son, and was asked by the leader, if I was his grandmother. I was horrified. I had thought I looked quite good for forty two but this confirmed that I was indeed bit of an oldie in her eyes. It was then I really noticed that all of the other parents looked at least ten years younger. I was a bit miffed that she thought I looked like his grandmother but even more so that she assumed that I was.

Then there was the time I was in the medical centre and my son was cuddled up beside me waiting. A woman mentioned that my grandson looked very attached to me and asked if I was taking care of him because my son or daughter worked. Again, I was a bit deflated she took me for his grandmother but even more so that she assumed I was.

When I had to take my son to the hospital after his first accident, the doctor there assumed I had other children, asking me if he was my youngest. I suppose most people of my age who have a very young child already have older children. Still, it was the assuming because of my age that really got to me.

I was in the park today with my son watching a fund raising dog parade. We were having great fun petting all the dogs and talking to people. Then this extremely young girl with a baby in a pushchair stopped to chat. We talked about all the dogs for a while and then I asked her how old her baby was. She was horrified and told me that she was only fourteen and that it wasn't her baby at all. The child was her little sister. She explained that she was always getting eyebrow raised looks from other people who assumed she was a young single mother. She said it made her feel awkward when people assumed especially since she's never even had a boyfriend. I apologised profusely for jumping to the wrong conclusion.

When people have thought that I was the granny I have smiled politely on the outside but been extremely annoyed inside. Now that I am guilty of it myself I have a bit of compassion for the assumers!

The Assumers

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

Random Thoughts

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

Turning 39...Over The Hill Or The Top Of The Mountain?

Unexpected Changes

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Contributor

My son and I don't watch regular television. We only use Netflix. So, I have to do research about the BP oil spill rather than watching it on television. What I've seen so far had me wondering what I'm supposed to tell my child, who has states that "God doesn't have to end the world. Apparently we are going to do it ourselves". He's 9.

Of course, the BP oil spill isn't the only concern right now, but the impact that it is going to have on the world is certainly alarming. With technology providing more insight into the inner workings of our government now than even ever before, we have more confirmation that our government is not to be trusted.

Our very own Coast Guard is operating under orders from BP? Funny, I thought they were under government authority. Ok then, aside from that, I learn that FEMA and local authorities in Mississippi actually held citizens at gunpoint and ordered them to hand over food that the citizens had paid themselves to have shipped in during the Katrina disaster. The citizens responded with a resounding no, using their own firearms to protect themselves.

I find myself in a frightening position as a parent. As a single parent, it's even more difficult as I try to assess exactly what to tell my son and what authority he should respond to. Thankfully, his father and I are usually on the same page when it comes to dealing with authority, but there are still times when I wish someone was here to help guide me as I teach my son about real life.

So what about the BP oil spill and our children? What do we tell them? How do we protect them from a corporate giant who refused to spend $500,000 out of their millions of dollars of profits to put in place an acoustic switch that could have prevented this issue?

My son already knows that in our own small town the police are not to be trusted. Now he has to learn at 9 that the very same level of distrust can extend to anyone with power or authority, even if it is indirect?

Here's what I tell my son. I tell him to trust his own judgement. Don't follow the crowd. LEAD the crowd. Back their level of trust not with dollars or favors, but with sincerity and character. I try to teach him that not by using those words, but by leading by example.

Being a single parent is far from the easiest job I've ever had in my life. It's scary at times. The best I can do is to teach my child right from wrong and to help him to develop a character that is strong enough to stand up for the right things. Everything else is just details.

BP Oil Spill and Our Children

Much more to learn

by Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Expert

Back Yard Summer Camp

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

With the summer in full swing here in beautiful South East Washington State the temperatures are finally getting into the triple digits. My five year old seems to deal with the heat by eating Popsicles like they are going out of style. He would eat them all day long if I let him.

This makes me even more aware of his dental hygiene with him sucking on all that frozen sugar water all day long. Even at five getting him to brush his teeth is often a struggle but he is still young enough that when he gives me too much trouble I can do it for him. My older son, on the other hand, is too big for me to brush his teeth for him and too busy playing Wii or outside on his skateboard to remember to do it on his own. But he will often do it if for no other reason than to shut the female parental unit up.

Dental hygiene is an important topic regardless of how old your kids are. Here are some key things to know about your children and their dental hygiene

• Start cleaning your babies teeth with a washcloth as soon as they get their first tooth.


• Never put your child to bed with a bottle.


• If using a fluoride toothpaste use a pea sized drop on the toothbrush until your child is old enough to spit it out.


• Brush your child's teeth twice a day.


• Visit the dentist twice a year.


• Take your child to the dentist around the first year - I took my children to the dentist with me several times before their first visit. By the time it was their turn they knew what to expect and their anxiety was greatly diminished.


• Encourage healthy snacks and avoid sticky, sweet snacks.


• Avoid acidic foods like lemons that can eat away at the enamel. If they do eat something acidic make sure that they have plenty to drink and brush their teeth soon after.

There is nothing more beautiful than when a child laughs...taking care of their teeth can guarantee that they will continue to laugh and proudly display their pearly whites.

I Wanna See You Smile....

Ok, Now Let's See How Smart I Am!

By Debbie Pecis

If you have a child, and you've had a vacation with that child, then chances are, you have had a vacation from hell.

Perhaps it was as simple as pulling over, repeatedly, on the highway, and making a "tour" of every rest-stop available on a major turnpike. Or illegally pulling off on a shoulder, warning lights flashing, to search for that one indispensible toy that someone packed a little too deep into the trunk.

Perhaps it was listening to the following "little night music": the precarious slumber of an infant, followed by the abrupt click of an over zealous hotel air conditioner, followed by screaming. Repeat. Until 3 am. You know, the time when the bar closes and young "business" travelers scream "Bar's closed! Time to party in the room!"

Perhaps it was getting stuck in hot, rush hour traffic. With little brothers prone to car sickness. Who hurl in the rear facing, back seats that only existed in 80's station wagons. The one's with hot, sticky vinal seats and no AC.

Perhaps it was a wicked case of sunburn. That lands a blistered person in the local ER. And that person is your husband, who should have known better.

Perhaps it was anything that involves an emergency room or hospital, be it for yourself, or your grandpa, who generously rented a multi-room Florida condo so you could have your first break in motherhood, but ended up in a hospital bed in a town ironically called "Celebration". And then all remaining "babysitters" catch weird hospital bugs and will not so much as touch your baby, even though you were hoping to catch a few "romantic" nights out with your hubby. But they do like to load the fridge with loud, clanking bottles while people are trying to nap.

"Family vacations aren't vacations for the mom," my aunt declared this past weekend. She should know; she still claims my sister owes her her life from when they invited her along to Florida, eons ago. If it had been up to my uncle, my sister would still be wandering somewhere among the Everglades.

She has a point. Even at their smoothest, family vacations involve lots of strategic planning, extensive packing, and a healthy dose of lowered expectations--more gently described as "being realistic". Being realistic can be tricky, when you oh-so-fondly remember the Magic Kingdom as being, well, magical, and you're wondering, as an adult, if Disney can still pull off that magic from the parental point of view.

I'm not saying don't go on a vacation. Please do. Enjoy that fun time with your children and family, making memories.

And then tell me about it. The truth. Over a few cocktails, if you need to. Or during a pedicure. Or a simple cup of tea at the bookstore cafe. Without your children.

You know, while you're on vacation.

Vacations from H-E-L-L

Playtime for Toddlers: The benefits of doing puzzles

Summer Holidays

Today was a rare summer day: it wasn't so hot that you'd immediately burst into flames once you step out the door. Not that you're likely to burst into flames in St. Louis--here it's usually so humid that the thick air would quickly smother any source of fire. But oddly enough, it wasn't too humid either. It was...nice.

So for the first time in more than a week, I took my kid to a park.

I've been blaming the oppressive heat a lot this summer for keeping us indoors. Sometimes I was mad at the weather for melting my little boy when he so desperately needed outdoor run around time. But more often I was glad, because it gave me an excuse to stay in, set my tyke up in the rec room near the computer and get some writing done.

I've been trying to set up a routine for myself where I get up a little early and do my serious writing (anything that involves hard concentration) first while the tot is still in bed. But it's summer, so lately I've been thwarted by my oldest who sneaks on the computer while I'm getting my husband ready for work. I generally let my oldest win if he argues that it's only fair that he gets the desktop since I have a laptop. My laptop, being portable, has an evil tendency to lure me to work somewhere comfy...like the couch. Which isn't conducive to that serious writing I've been trying to get to. (Sigh.)

Back to the summer day. See, I've put in a pretty good week pecking away at my keyboard. There hasn't been a power struggle for the desktop with it's proper work desk, full-sized keyboard and super wide screen because my oldest has been at summer camp. But being holed up in the rec room might be productive for a writer, but it's not such a good idea for a little boy.

So today we took the day off. We grabbed a bag of nearly stale buns from the pantry, a picnic blanket and pulled through Micky D's on our way to my little boy's favorite park. Not the one with the big playground--his favorite park has a little pond with a deck where you can feed the fish. We spread out our blanket and ate our lunch while tossing bread crumbs at the fish, the turtles and the frogs. 

Even a Stay at Home Mom Needs to Slow Down Sometime

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

Too Much Technology??

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

The Importance of Love

by Kat Foust: Single Parent Contributor

Being a parent can be a tough job. We all know that. Sometimes trying to handle school, work and parenthood and all of the day to day things surrounding the major issues can seem like a never ending saga of endless task lists. As a single mother, full time student, writer and substitute teacher, things can get a little hectic around here and I need to have some "me" time. I know many parents struggle with the same issues so I thought I would offer some tips on how I handle it all an still have a smile on my face.

• Make schedule. Though this is kind of a no-brainer, it's easier said than done. If you make a schedule and stick to it, your children will also get used to it.
• Reward efforts. Our children want to be involved in what we're doing. That can be difficult when I'm in the middle of an exam or trying to meet a deadline. It's not fair for my son to have his mom in the same room and not be able to chat with her. So, I reward him by offering to play video games with him or go for a bike ride with him after I get my work done. All he really wants is time with me so it doesn't really matter what we do, as long as we get to hang out with each other.
• Eat meals together. It can be so tempting to just eat dinner while I work, but I consider meal time to be a time when we should be together and talk about our day, even if it's just for a brief while. Not only does it give us a chance to communicate with each other, but also gives us both a break from being "plugged in" all the time.
• Make goal charts. I love goal tracking. It makes me feel good to be able to mark down that I accomplished a task. If the parent and the child both have goal charts, then it helps both of them to get their tasks complete and get a intrinsic reward by actually looking at what they accomplished.
• Give random compliments. This is a big one in my house. I don't ever in my life remember either of my parents telling me they were proud of me or that I was pretty. I feel the need to let my son know those things. Every now and then, just out of the blue I tell him how proud of him I am and why. Sometimes children think we say things just because we are parents. It's important for me to let him know I'm not just complimenting him because I'm mom, but because he actually deserves it.
• Delegate. I am not superwoman. If the choice is between vacuuming and writing so I can pay the rent...um the vacuum is going to sit there. This aspect is very different for single parents because they don't have another adult to help pull any of the weight. I do believe in giving children chores and responsibilities, not just because I'm a single mom, but because there is no reason my son can't fold his own laundry. Besides, the more helping hands, the faster the chores get done and we can go for a bike ride!

Don't forget to take a day out to just be a parent. Single parents have many roles to fill. Some days, I just need to be mom, and he needs that from me. I try to make my schedule so that i can take a day or two off every now and then and just be with him so that he knows that he is just as important to me as school or work. Children don't have the responsibilities of adults and sometimes it's hard for them to realize that you may be working for them and that your goals revolve around them. If they can't understand this, then you need to take time out to let them know that they are really what's most important to you.

School, Work and Parenthood

Learn the Facts: Recognizing Child Abuse and Neglect

by Claire Hegarty

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. ~C.S. Lewis

Someone said to me the other day that one of the few advantages of being an older mother was that I know so much more than someone younger. I had to beg to differ on this. I may be a first time mother of a certain age but this does not mean that I know absolutely everything about child rearing. After all, becoming a first time mother at any age is a new experience.

But what an experience. It is the best experience of my life so far. Nothing can top it. If someone had said that to me a few years ago, I would have scoffed. Now scoffing is the very last thing I would do.

I admit that I was quite daunted at the start of my mothering experience. I was frightened to bathe my little boy at first because he seemed so delicate. My mother used to laugh that a forty one year old woman should be afraid to do such a natural thing. After all, she had had five babies, including me by the time she was my age. My husband used to do all the bathing until I learned to overcome the fear. The more often I did it, the more I learned and the less daunting the experience became.

Breastfeeding was an experience in motherhood that didn't work for me. After two weeks, I gave up and turned to the bottle and formula. I was frightened and upset at the hospital as most of the staff promoted breastfeeding. I felt quite bad when I gave up. I was frightened that my baby wouldn't get the right nutrients and the best start in life. I was distraught. But then a lovely doctor said to me 'Happy mother, Happy baby' and 'there are plenty of well adjusted, healthy people in the world who weren't breastfed including me, so don't worry too much about it'. The more often I thought about this, the less daunting that experience became too. And he is a happy healthy two and a half year old child who has not experienced much in the way of illness apart from the odd common cold.

At the moment, I think I am toilet training him but actually it seems that he is training himself. At first he used a potty but now he wants to go on the toilet himself. He also doesn't want to wear nappies or pullups anymore but 'big boy pants'. I am forgetting about the books and sites and all I have read on it and just going along with the experience. It seems that it is progressing naturally as we go along. The less I stress the easier it seems to be.

There are so many schools of thought on what is the right way to go about parenting. I have read up on most of the techniques but both myself and my husband are learning purely by experience. It doesn't matter how many books I have read, it really feels that experience is the best teacher no matter what age the parents may be.

So Much To Learn

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

When you're a stay at home mom, sometimes you just get tired of looking like a mom. Working moms get to have an alter ego, the career woman, with her entirely separate wardrobe of non-slobbered on clothes that doesn't involve sweat pants and sneakers. But what about the rest of us?

Stay at home moms stuck in 24-7 mommy duty--but who don't want to look like they're chained to the kids--might want to invest in a different kind of bag to carry their baby gear. Yes, you can ditch the pink Winnie the Poo diaper bag and we won't think you're any less of a mom. Try a messenger bag, a big purse or a working woman's business satchel to show that sure, you're a mom, but not a pack mule for the kids.

But have you ever dreamed of going beyond the diaper bag? What about--gasp! No bag at all? Nope, you don't have to wait until your kids are out of pull ups to make this dream come true. Check out the "travel vest" a high tech piece of clothing designed for air travelers who don't want to use carry on luggage.

This little gem has 22--count 'em--22 pockets! And it doesn't make you look like a photo journalist on safari or a fly fisherman either. Most of the pockets are tucked away on the inside of the vest. I've seen a video where a camper put a tent in this vest, so I think it would work for moms.

I'm going to be honest here. I haven't tried this vest out. But I've looked at it and watched the videos. And if I had $100 freakin' bucks to spend on carting my stuff around, I'd get this vest. Of course, I regularly loose objects in the pockets I already have, so I image that you would need to be pretty well organized to use this vest.

What do you think? Would a vest work better than a bag?

Carry Vests for Undercover Moms

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

This weekend is the weekend we celebrate the 234th birthday of this great nation. There are many events planned with fun and festivities. Spending time with our families, eating great food, BBQ, beer and fireworks are things of Fourth of July tradition.

Everyone loves fireworks. Waiting in anticipation for night to fall and gathering outside in lawn chairs as the color explodes in the sky, the loud bang as the fireworks explode -- this is all part of tradition. Same with the backyard fireworks and the sparklers. Many of my best childhood memories of summer include events just like these.

It is important to remember while we enjoy these moments to keep our minds on safety. Fireworks can be incredibly dangerous. According to The National Council on Fireworks Safety there were 7000 injuries from fireworks in 2008 which was actually an all time low. Still, by following some simple guidelines found on The National Council on Fireworks Safety's website you can keep your family safe while still enjoying the our Nation's birthday and the fireworks that go along with it.

• Use fireworks outdoors only


• Obey local fire laws; if they are illegal - don't use them


• Always have a hose or a bucket of water handy just in case there is a fire that needs putting out


• Don't mess with the fireworks in ways that they are not intended. Follow the directions and don't try to alter them


• Never re-light a "dud". Wait 20 minutes and then soak it in water


• Spectators should stand away from the person doing the lighting of the fireworks and that person should wear safety glasses


• Alcohol and fireworks are a bad combination. If you are the designated lighter of the fireworks don't drink


• No one under 12 should handle sparklers of any kind


• Do not use homemade fireworks. These are dangerous and can have deadly consequences

Happy Birthday to the United States. Enjoy your 4th of July weekend and please, be safe.

For more information go to http://www.fireworksafety.com/

Let's Have a Safe 4th of July

By Michael Horvath, StepDog

Heel! Sit! Stay! I Got This!