The WM Parenting Connection

By Pam Houghton

Now that I've been home for two years after a corporate downsizing eliminated my cubicle-dwelling position, I can certainly see why women sometimes chuck the whole job thing when their children are young.

Sometimes they stay home to do just that - whilst cleaning, cooking and changing poopy diapers. Or they make valiant attempts to carve out a work-from-home situation for income or to keep from going insane.

Either way, the resulting perk is nice: the flexibility required to raise children.

That said, there are still good reasons for moms to go to work. I worked away from home until my kids were in their teens - and in retrospect, I'm glad I did.

Here are five good reasons why I think work is good for moms.

1. More options in work schedules. When I started having children, there were no official flexible work options such as job-share, part-time or telecommuting. Oh, there was a mom here or there that lucked out and worked part-time. But it was mostly a hush-hush deal they worked out with their boss. Now, flex work options are often an official part of an employer's benefits offerings, making it easier for moms, and dads, to work.

2. Work flexibility for men. Think men don't want work flexibility? Think again! The last few years I worked for my corporate employer, I saw it with my own eyes - men working from home until the washing machine repair guy arrived, or skipping out early to take the kids to the orthodontist. Seems that men who take advantage of flex work options help legitimize the whole work/life balance thing.

3. Time management. I think the more things you have on your plate, the better you manage your time (even if all the obligations drive you nuts). At least it was true for me. Now that I'm home, I probably engage in far more procrastination. Because I have more time. (On the other hand, you don't see me rushing back to work.)

4. Political skill. Work helps develop political skill. Which helps you get along with others, and focus on working towards a common goal in spite of differences in work style, beliefs and attitudes. Being challenged this way made me aware of how important it is to develop good working relationships.

5. Good parenting. You can still be a good parent and work, in spite of messages that lead to a boatload of working-mom guilt. Are you really neglecting your kids by providing financial stability? Modeling time-management? Considering the needs of children - parent/teacher conferences, soccer schedules, need for downtime - even though you work? If you are doing all that (and more!) you are being a good parent!

What are some other reasons? What are good reasons for staying home?

Five Good Reasons for Moms to Work

By Debbie Pecis

My children are suddenly into scattalogical humor. Big time. At ages 3 and 5, nothing is funnier, apparently, than calling out "poopy butt!" mid-sentence to infuse life with joy.

I'm not really sure what to do about it.

I tell myself this is normal. After all, Claire's neighborhood friends seem to enjoy the potty talk, and it has spiraled one step lower at certain playdates, manifesting itself into "naked butt" parties. (Though, if we can keep any control over things, they still involve underpants.) A quick googling of "potty talk" assures me that, yes, it is normal...and a slew of "experts" have a variety of theories as to why kids talk poop. These range from the primal nature of fecal matter itself (ie: if you raised your kid in a bubble, they'd still shit), to anxiety over issues revolving around potty training and constipation. In other words, they see Mom and Dad angst over the process, so they need a little comic relief.

To wit, we are still in the process of potty training our son, and our daughter has had chronic constipation issues long enough that we took her to a pediatric gastrointerologist. (Who, of course, I started referring to as the "poop doctor." My neighbor laughed at this, and noted that the poor doc had to suffer through college, medical school, and a residency in order to garner this esteemed title.) Her visit to the poop doctor involved a rectal exam and getting blood drawn. For all this, she got a lousy stuffed toy. Heck, I'd say she's entitled to a little poop humor.

Gastrointestinal anxieties aside, I'm going to offer my own explaination on why kids engage in potty talk. I warn you, my theory is very sophisticated.

Poop talk is funny.

Yes, I've said it: this most base and basic scattalogical humor can make me laugh. (Though note, I keep using the word "scattalogical", because it sounds so much more sophisticated. Classy, if you will.) And I'll bet I'm not the only parent on the planet to suppress a grin when I hear my three year old bust out with, "When is our fish going to have a poop on his head?" (Although I don't find this quite as funny as "when will our fish jump on a trampoline?" The fish is a whole other story around here.) And while it can certainly gets old fast, there's a part of me that wants to enjoy this stage. Because I figure it is a stage, and will certainly pass.

Meanwhile, I hope I really don't have poop on my head.

Poo Poo to You

• Children need to be aware that fireworks are not toys; therefore, should never be played with. Even sparkler's are dangerous and they should always be held as far from the body as possible.


• Make sure when children are around fireworks they are always aware of their surroundings. They should never stand next to a person with fireworks. They should never stand near anyone while holding a firework as well.


• Teach children that it's never OK to pick up broken pieces of fireworks that have already been lit. Some pieces may still be hot or slightly ignited, which can explode at anytime. After you are done for the night, soak all fireworks in a bucket of water to ensure they are completely doused.


• Children need to know to never point fireworks at another person, house, or car. 50,000 fires are reported every year due to fireworks. A bucket of water and phone should always be kept handy in case of an accident fire.

4th of July: Keep your family safe!

by Claire Hegarty

Our little son was born when I was aged forty one. We had almost given up hope at this stage, thinking maybe parenthood wasn't to be our path in life. I recently expressed that I would still like another child even though I am now forty four. One friend thinks I am very brave while another thinks I am really selfish to even consider it.

Brave and Selfish

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

Ever have a friend who works tell you how they called in sick from the office because they needed a "mental health" day? Wish you--a stay at home mom--could take one too?

One of the rough parts of being a stay at home mom is that our work IS our home, our kids and our family. And if you're a work at home mom or a home schooling mom, it's even worse--your responsibilities go way beyond raising the kids. There's no calling in sick for mommy. Or is there?

WebMD recently ran an article saying that modern moms need to learn how to ask for help. Apparently, we moms tend to suffer from a type of martyr syndrome where we feel the need to do it all, all the time. It's just not healthy.

“Women believe that we’re supposed to handle everything ourselves, which is often at the root of why we’re unhappy,” says Randy Kamen Gredinger, a Wayland, Mass., psychologist, life coach, and blogger specializing in women’s issues. “We do everything, and feel unappreciated, but then we don’t want to ask for help. We need to be more collaborative.” ~WebMD article

The solution? Yes, mom CAN take a mental health day, or at least grab a few hours to herself. The trick is to not ASK your husband for time off from child duties, but to TELL your husband that you're taking some time for yourself. Don't wait until after you've locked yourself in the closet to hide from the kids to ask for help. Schedule a yoga class after your husband is home from work, or tell him he needs to take a turn at bedtime tuck in duties. You can even make the idea fun by suggesting that he take the kids to the park or the pool on a Saturday for "daddy bonding time."

For maximum benefits, you should set up time where you get to leave the house without kids. Don't just hide in your bedroom or craft area--the kids will find you. Or worse, you'll hear them complain about some little infraction (that's not how mommy does it!) and feel guilty.

What do you do if you really can't find time in your husband's schedule to get away? Consider your other options. Are there grandparents in your family who could take the children for an afternoon, an evening, or a weekend? Do you have a friend who also stays home who could watch your kids (and you could watch hers the next time)? Is your child old enough to have a sleepover--you could send him or her to a friend's house for an overnight, then return the favor later.

When you take your "mommy time" make sure you spend it well. Don't waste it doing anything that could done with kids in tow. This is not a time for housework or for grocery shopping. Do something relaxing, do something enjoyable. Take a walk in the park, browse an art gallery, have coffee with your girlfriends, take a class. Do something that you used to do before the kids. Pretty soon you'll feel recharged and ready to get back to work.

Photo by Sean Dreilinger

Stay at Home Moms Need a Mental Health Day

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

I don't know about you but for me a hot cup of coffee not only gets my day started but it gets my day started in the right frame of mind. I LOVE coffee. Given that there are Starbucks and many other coffee places peppering our great United States I think it is safe to venture that I am not alone in my infatuation with that little brown bean.

But every morning as I am excitedly rushing for the coffee pot there is a little voice in the back of my head that wonders if I should kick my beloved hot beverage (and sometimes cold) to the curb. News stories gone by are stuck in my head illustrating all the health hazards to drinking coffee. I remember very clearly my parents warning me that drinking coffee can stunt a child's growth. But are they true? Is coffee really that bad for you? Should I ditch it for a healthier alternative? Well here is what I found out:

• Harvard researchers have found that if you drink one to three cups of Joe a day you reduce your risk of Type II Diabetes by up to 9%. BUT if you drink 6 or more cups a day then men reduce their risk by as much as 54% and women as much as 30% compared to those that don't drink coffee at all! They are not sure why this is but think it might have something to do with insulin stabilizing properties.


• At least 6 studies show that persons who drink coffee on a regular basis are 80% less likely to develop Parkinson's Disease.


• There are also studies that show that drinking coffee on a daily basis can reduce your risk of colon cancer by 25% as well as an 80% reduced risk of liver cirrhosis and a 50% reduction in the risk of gallstones.


• They have also found that the damage done by smoking and drinking is somewhat offset by large amounts of coffee in terms of reducing the risk of heart disease and liver damage.
  Coffee containing caffeine is a stimulant and can ease an airway during an asthma attack.


• Research has also shown that coffee can boost your mood, get rid of headaches and even prevent cavities because it contains some kind of antibacterial anti adhesive properties.


• As if that all weren't enough they have found that children that drink a cup of coffee everyday with milk are less likely to suffer from depression. Not to mention that they do better on tests than kids that don't drink coffee because they are more alert. There is no evidence to suggest that kids that drink coffee are smarter - just more alert. There is not much evidence to suggest that coffee is at all harmful to kids...in moderation of course - so I guess no stunted growth - what a relief!


• Plus we all know that caffeine gives you energy and contains antioxidants. Most of the running magazines that I have read suggest a cup of coffee to get you going before a run early in the morning.
  

Now granted coffee is not beneficial to everyone. There are many people that are sensitive to the caffeine that coffee contains. For them a hot cup of coffee can produce shaky hands, rapid heartbeat, nervousness and sleeplessness. In that case the adverse affects of coffee may outweigh the benefits.

But for me? HECK NO! Coffee is indeed my guilt free best friend! Now that I know that I may actually be improving my overall health by drinking coffee Starbucks watch out! Non-fat, no-whip Caramel Macchiato anyone?

Coffee Is Love...Or Is It?

Poopie Diapers

One of the biggest obstacles that single parents face is the ones that have to do with money. The good news is that there is probably more help available for single parents than for households with whole families. Okay, so maybe it's just good news for single parents, but still.

One of the hardest parts of being a single parent is balancing the work, bills, children, school (the kid's or your own) and yet still being able to fantasize about actually having a social life as well. (Yeah, I know, that's some funny stuff, right?!)

So, let me give you some information so that you can find some light at the end of the tunnel.

The first thing to know is that there really is a wealth of help available and there is no shame in using it. For all that people complain about the government, when it comes to social programs they have a very simple policy. If it doesn't get used, it gets removed. My take on this is that I would rather see someone who needs help using it than those that really don't but have learned to manipulate the system.

Since Indiana is where I'm from and most familiar with the programs offered there, that's where I'm deriving my information. The fact is that most of their programs are federally funded so that means there are similar programs in most states.

Of course there is the food stamp program. Low income families easily qualify for this program. But hey, you like to eat out too, right? There are tons of restaurants that offer free meals for kids and there is even a program funded by the USDA that offers free lunch and breakfast for kids. Nice, huh?

I think I've already made it clear how important school is for single parents, but maybe I haven't stressed enough how it can help financially. There are literally tons of resources for single parents. There is even a scholarship just for single mothers. My advisor tole me that last semester they had to give this to someone who didn't even have children because they didn't have enough applicants for it!

Of course, you can always make money online. You don't even have to do it full time if that's not your thing. A residual income can come in quite handy.

Do some research into the resources of the community you live in. There are ones you may never even have heard of, like the Trustee's office that manages the poor relief fund.

Most of all, try to cut down on expenses. There are ways to survive the economic crisis that you may not have thought of. Some really simple techniques can be employed that will help you to save tons of cash! You'll also find that helping someone else out is a great way to help yourself out. People are much more likely to give you a hand if they know you will reciprocate.

(Photo is courtesy of aresauburn through Flickr)

Tips: Single Parents on Paying the Bills

By Debbie Pecis

I was profoundly set upon not cooking this past Thursday, when the kids had swimming lessons...at 4 o'clock. Pizza, I'd said, scoping the area for Little Caesers. Instead, we ending up at McDonalds, because Claire's best-est friend's mom stuck her head out her car window in the parking lot to ask, "Wanna go to M-C-D's for dinner with us?" Honestly, I wondered if MCD was some chic, child friendly dinner bistro that only Annabelle's mother knew about. (If one existed, she'd know.) But no, she meant the good ol' golden arches.

Now, a word on McDonald's. I've seen SuperSize Me. In fact, I watched it while pregnant, during one of those early trimesters when everything looks disgusting and tastes like metal. I saw the bit on how they make chicken nuggets by pretty much dumping an entire chicken in a grinder, and the little statistic about how more children can recognize Ronald McDonald than the President of the United States. But you know, the kids have fun at McD's. They barely eat the food anyway; they just like the germ-riddled playscape and the annoying toys.

"Did you hear about the recall they just had to do on the Shrek glasses?" I ask Annabelle's Mom when plop down our crew with Happy Meals. " A bunch of moms that keep home lead testing kits around found cadmiumin the glasses, and started writing about it on their mommy blogs. Now, on one hand, I'm all for the power of the mommy blog and keeping Corporate America responsible. But really, isn't there some irony there? I mean, it's not like McDonald's is the pinnacle of health to begin with. Wouldn't it be more useful to, say, have a home phlebotomy kit so you could test your kid's blood for increased triglycerides and cholesterol?"

(By the way, a home phlebotomy kit is not to be confused with a home lobotomy kit, which, some days, I might actually find myself using, possibly on myself.)

"Can we go in the playscape now?" Annabelle asks. The playscape at this McDonald's is small, which is actually good. The parents can sit on the outside, sipping their $1 iced teas while their little ones tear it up in their stocking feet. Of course, being summer, we are all sock-less: a first sign that we're up to no good. There are two other children in there, both bigger than our children: the second sign of trouble. My son, Michael, comes out quickly. "There's a bad boy in there," he states, and crawls on my lap. The third sign.

After some time on my lap, Michael returns to the plastic-tubingfestivities. But suddenly, through the plastic, we see our daughter's faces contorting in anger, and hear some shouts. Claire shoves the boy right in the chest.

"Uh oh." I enter McPlayland.

Annabelle's mom is behind me, and we try to make some sense of the skirmish. I tell Claire she must apologize, and remind her that we can leave at any point. She offers a quick apology, but also back talks me. I try to grab her, but she scurries back into the plastic rat-maze. She eventually shoots out the slide end. By now, we've wrangled up the other kids while commenting, "We'll try again another day."

On the ride home, I try to ascertain what happened. Apparently, the older boy was being a bully to the younger kids. I say something about how it'stough when this happens, and you should get an adult, but secretly, I'm thinking: Alright, kiddo. Way to step it up to a kid twice your size.

Meanwhile, perhaps we'll stay away from McD's for a while. At least until they come out with their next McLead Toy.

McSkurmish

by Claire Hegart

As a forty something first time mother I can be a little cautious, but sometimes you do need to be that way.

On a recent short visit to Barcelona with my husband, son and parents in law, I had an unnerving experience. We were strolling along the seafront when my mother in law made us aware of a woman behind us. We had seen her earlier when she got up from a bench and followed us. Although she looked respectable and in her forties like myself, we thought she might possibly be a pickpocket or thief.

To be certain she was actually following us we employed a number of techniques. We walked the full way down the seafront and then turned and walked back again. She did the same. We walked over to the Marina to look at the boats and again, she did the same. My mother in law said she thought she was looking at my son in his pushchair.

We decided to have a rest and my husband said he would go for a little stroll with our son as he wanted to see as much of the city as he could in the time we had left. I was shocked when the woman looked from us to them and then proceeded to follow them. I let her go after them for a bit and then followed behind her. She was definitely following because when my husband did an about turn to come back, she did so too.

When we got back to where my in laws were sitting, I made my husband aware of what we thought was happening. He didn’t believe it so I made him go for another walk to prove it. He was surprised to see that she followed us the whole way. At one stage we crossed a busy road and she took out a camera and seemed to be taking photos of us from the other side. This really unnerved me.

Rejoining the family, my mother in law’s face was a picture of worry when she saw that the woman was still tailing us. We all sat down on the bench and got a surprise when the woman approached my mother in law and said something in Spanish. We didn’t have a clue what she said but she kept smiling at my son and then appeared to walk away.

We thought she had gone and breathing a collective sigh of relief, we decided to find somewhere to eat. As we stood waiting to cross a road, she appeared again with her camera and went round the front of my son’s pushchair. My protective hormones kicked in and I stood in front of it so she couldn’t take any pictures.

By this stage my little boy was crying to get out of his pushchair as he had been cooped up in it for a while. But Barcelona is such a busy city, I was frightened if the woman was actually watching him, he would be spirited away. By the time we found a policeman and without a word of Spanish between us tried to explain things, he would be long gone. The story of Madeleine McCann, a little girl abducted in Portugal the year my son was born kept coming to mind.

We rushed on across the road, and sat outside a restaurant. The woman was still with us. She went into the toilets of the facility and didn’t come out for ages. She had been with us for over two hours at this stage. When she finally did come out, she kept watching us from behind a tree, speaking on her mobile phone. I was petrified that she was onto an accomplice who would then tail us to our hotel and try to kidnap my son. My father in law said we were watching too many detective movies and that considering her age and the interest she was taking in my son, it was likely she was a little unstable. Being a forty something myself, I asked him to explain what he meant about her age. He said she was probably a poor creature who had either lost a child or was longing for a child and our boy had caught her eye.

He called her over and asked her in English if there was something she wanted. She replied in Spanish and kept repeating what sounded like ‘baby’ and looking into the pram. In truth, up close she did look a little deranged. My mother in law who is normally a quiet and reserved person shouted at her to go away and leave us alone and pushed her arm. I think she finally got the message and retreated and we didn’t see her again.

It was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences I have ever had and I still think about it. In saying that, if she truly was a hormonal forty something, I do have some pity for her as I have had the experience of longing for a child myself. However, I don’t think I would ever have gone to these lengths. I am thankful that I am a vigilant forty something first time mum and not the sad creature it may be possible to be.

An Unnerving Experience

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Mom Expert

Summer vacation for stay at home moms can really drain your piggy bank if you’re not careful. If you have school age kids who are suddenly home 24-7, it can be tempting to treat them to all the (expensive) activities that you miss out on during the school year. Trips to the amusement park, children’s museum and the zoo can quickly get expensive.

But there’s really no need to waste all your cash taking to kids to expensive places that don’t make lasting memories. Maybe your kids are whining to go to a pizza arcade, but will they remember it at the end of the summer, or even next week? Probably not.

The trick is to find memorable, yet cheap activities that keep the kids busy and having so much fun that they don’t notice it was thrifty.

Here’s a few ideas: 
Picnic in the park: pack a real traditional picnic, complete with picnic blanket, fancy sandwiches, deviled eggs, paper plates and fresh fruit. This isn’t a time for McD’s eaten off a paper bag on a park bench. Go for the works! Choose an awesome park—maybe one that’s a little too far away to visit regularly, or a state park with trails to explore. (For St. Louis readers, this is a great idea for a day trip to Elephant Rocks!) If you can’t think of a park, try visiting Kaboom, a playground finder with a national database.

Pool party: Don’t have a pool? Go down your list of friends (or your kids friends)—you might know someone who does. Offer to host the kids at your house for an afternoon of dry fun in exchange for swim time at their house. If you’re not close friends with the other mom, make sure you offer to watch the kids first—you don’t want to come off as a pool moocher.

Slumber party: kids don’t need to wait for a birthday to have a sleep over. Let your child invite one or two of his or her best buds for an evening of movies, games and snacks. A “no reason” slumber party can be inexpensive to host, since all you need are kid friendly movies, a pizza and box of chocolate donuts in the morning.

Simple Summer Fun

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert


I love to read - that is one of my favorite things to do. I have always read to my children since they were little babies. So far, my oldest daughter has been the only one to fall in love with reading also. My two middle children haven't found their "genre" yet, but I have not lost hope. My youngest hasn't made up his mind yet but it seems like he might be leaning of the side of a reader.

• So what are the benefits to reading with your kids?
  Reading to your children provides bonding time; when it is just you, your child and a book.


• Reading aloud to your children helps build their language skills, helps build their vocabulary.


• Reading helps to build a connection between the printed and the spoken word.


• Reading aloud to your children helps build their listening skills.


• Reading to your child enhances their imagination; it helps bring children into an exciting, adventurous world. They can go anywhere, be anything, do anything in a book.
  

On a personal level, reading allows me an escape route. When I feel stressed from life in general or need a "mental break" reading gives this to me. I can be someone else for a while and take a break from my own life.

Encourage your children to read different types of books. I am absolutely sure that when my two middle children happen upon the genre that "hooks" them into reading they will come to love reading as much as I do -- well maybe not that much -- but enough for it to be an enjoyable experience instead of something that they do because Mom insists.

For more information on the benefits of reading aloud to your children and how to encourage them to learn to read on their own check out http://www.blogger.com/www.brainy_child.com.

Once Upon A Time....

By Michael Horvath, Pseudo-Dad

I knew what I was in for when I started dating a woman with a child. Well, at least I thought I knew. Ok, you may be chuckling at this statement but let me continue. To be honest, it’s not the things you are probably thinking I would be naïve about. It’s about what I never guessed would happen.

Did I expect that I would have to be extremely flexible? Absolutely. I knew that even if we planned on going out that a date, it might have to be canceled or rescheduled due to “child issues”. I knew that going out on a date most of the time meant we would be chaperoned by an 11 year old. Anything could come up within a moment’s notice. Nothing changes as a stepparent.

Did I expect that I would need to be very patient? Certainly. I could arrive at their house for the evening and walk into a “parenting issue” in the middle of it being addressed. Or an emotional Mom who could be very happy (yay for me), sad (time to be a listener) or angry (ok, it’s not going to be an enjoyable, kick back evening). I might have to wait for not just one woman to finish getting ready to go out, but two. Nothing changes as a stepparent.

I knew that being with Djuanna meant that our time together might include anything, from picking out training bras to waiting outside of the school for Tyler to get out of an extracurricular activity. It meant that in the middle of an adult conversation daughter might come into the room to tell us all about the teen girl TV show she was watching. It meant that sitting on the couch just when we were kissing might be interrupted by a teenager flying into the room and plopping herself between the two of us. The phone might ring in the middle of anything with ex-husband on the line needing to talk about daughter’s school grades. Nothing changes as a stepparent.

Did I know that I would have to be very aware of my actions being a positive role model, while still being myself? No doubt. And there were times I had to step in with one or the other and be the peacemaker/de-escalator, communicating with each in a manner that would not put the other down, but to provide reasoning. Nothing changes as a stepparent.

And I knew all of this and much much more would go on!

What I didn’t realize were how my emotions would blow themselves out of the water for these two women. How I would wish I had come into their lives so much earlier and be the husband and father figure for them. How I would dream that I was there for them both as part of the family. I didn’t know how I was going to look back at my life and see the missed opportunity of having my own child. I had no idea there would be times I would get tears in my eyes thinking about these things.

I didn’t know I was going to love this girl with such intensity of emotion and that I was going to miss her so much during the school year once she went off to live with her dad. Or how the bond between the three of us would grow as it did.

I didn’t know. Now I do and as a Pseudo Dad Stepparent nothing has changed.

Expect The Unexpected

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Contributor

Summer's here and things may have gotten a bit more complicated. I know that trying to get my child to unplug from the video games or to just go play outside is a chore some days. I work at home. The fact that he is now home all day kind of puts a crimp in the schedule. So what do I do so that he can enjoy his summer, I can get some work done and we can still have some fun? I get creative, that's what!

For one thing, I'm not real keen on my son devoting too much time to the television. Not only is it a waste of time, but studies have shown that television can lead to depression. Not to mention the fact that my son is overly concerned about his weight (yea, he's in that stage). I want us to be healthy and have fun, but I can't afford to always go out and do things that cost money. Since his number one priority is to spend time with his mom, I need to find things to do that fit into our schedule. I'm making this work to my advantage. I schedule my work day so that I have an obligation to do something with him. Hence, I have to get my stuff done on time! Below is an overview of some things that can be done with children during the summer that cost very little money and are enjoyable for parents as well as children.

Go out to eat. You think I must be joking, right? Wrong. There are plenty of places where kids can eat for free or very cheap. In fact, the USDA made it a point to create a system that makes sure children are getting proper nutrition over the summer. Kids eat free through this program and adults can eat very cheaply (like $1 for breakfast and $2.50 for lunch). Another option is to just go have a picnic.

Bike rides. Seriously folks, my waste just isn't what it used to be. I love riding bikes and so does my son. So, we try to take a ride every evening. It costs us nothing but effort and we get to do it together. The added bonus is that it's great exercise!

Plant a garden. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure the economy isn't going to improve in any substantial way by winter. So, we planted a garden. I'm not even sure if we will can anything or just share with neighbors. Either way my son learns some valuable lessons and again, we get to get some exercise and fresh air together. Besides, if someone asks my son where corn comes from, I want his to say "the garden" instead of "Krogers".

Go to the library. Unless you're someone like me who repeatedly forgets to return books and videos, the library is full of free fun. I can still have fun there and even check out items as long as I pay my late fees. I know, shame on me. Never the less, the library is not only free, but it is a great way to get children interested in reading. I know my son is so fond of it that he checked out some books he had ordered from Scholastic just because he just couldn't wait for them to come in. He has developed a love of fiction books for preteen boys and as long as he's interested, I'll encourage him to keep going to the library.

Go fishing. This is one of the most inexpensive hobbies you can have if you just keep it simple. Children who fish learn to appreciate the things they eat as well as the habitats of those things. When my son gets tired of fishing, he simply starts looking for frogs or crickets. Here we go again with getting outside and getting active-together!

There really are lots of free family activities to do if you just look around you. Really, sometimes I find that my son and I are happier when we have to find free things to do because we appreciate the things we do just a bit more. To me, gratitude is the very birthing ground of happiness, so I like to share it with my son. Taking the time to do things as a family, even a broken one, is so important because we are building the memories that are the foundation for the future of our children. So, don't forget to take some time out this summer to do some fun family activities.

Free Family Activities

By Claire Hegarty

I'm a late bloomer. Being a late bloomer is a problem when you decide at 40 you want to have children. Daphne Zuniga

The above quote came to mind as I got chatting to someone in the doctors waiting room recently. My little boy who is two and a half was happily sitting beside me. The lady commented that my grandchild seemed to be really close to me and asked if I was taking care of him because my daughter or son had to work?

I proceeded to explain to her that I was actually his mother and not his grandmother. The poor woman expressed shock and surprise at this revelation having had her own children at a much younger age. She made some sympathetic comments about how I must have had problems conceiving. When I expressed that it was actually my choice to have children later in life, although not quite as late as it subsequently came about, the disapproval was evident in her face. I felt momentarily annoyed but let the feeling pass.  After all, this woman would definitely have thought that once a woman hit forty, having a child was a strange thing.

I wish I could have told her that  if I had known that having my son would be such a blessing, I would have done it much sooner! I couldn't say that to her though as I had staunchly defended being an older mother. I wish I could have told her that somehow it wasn't really a choice as I said it was. I wish I could have told her that I had spent most of my life equating having children with being trapped. It was what had happened to my mother and her mother before her and some of my peers that had babies young. That was my reference point and that's what turned me against the idea.  I am not blaming anyone.  It was just how I saw things as a young child and woman. When I eventually did feel that I wanted a child and it didn't happen until I was forty one, I too felt it was too late. I wish I could have told her that.

It was a combination of the fear of being trapped and lack of self worth  that led me to being a late bloomer.  Not only did I become a late bloomer in motherhood but in most things in my life. I learned to drive and swim in my late thirties and overcame dental phobia and crippling depressive periods. 

Having a child in my forties was the latest 'blooming' thing I ever did and I am so glad I got the chance.  If you check out my first blog post at you will get an idea of what I mean!  Incidentally, I am a late bloomer when it comes to blogging and writing too.  I do have a compelling urge to do it though so what better to talk about than the circumstance I find myself in now.



Learn more about Claire Hegarty on her blog, FortySomething FirstTime Mum.

Guest Post: Late Bloomers: FortySomething FirstTime Mum

Would you like a little lead with that? Lead Found in Children and Infant Juice and Baby Products

There’s been a lot of internet buzz about the “crazy” parents of Abby Sunderland, a 16-year old who tried (and failed) to sail solo around the world. Just last month, Jessica Watson accomplished a similar trip and people also called her parents crazy, even though that girl was successful.

Abby’s trip hasn’t ended well—she needed to be rescued after a storm damaged her ship in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

But I don’t think her parents are terrible people for letting her sail solo so far from home and civilization. I don’t know her personally, so I’m not going to judge. I would like to assume that having made it as far as she did, she was a good sailor and a responsible girl—but cursed with horrible luck.

The real issue isn’t whether Abby’s parents are crazy for letting her have this adventure. The real issue is in how the story of her adventure has been received by the public. Modern parents have become so over protective of their kids that the thought of letting a minor set so much as a toe outside her own door scares the bejesus out of us. So naturally the story of a teenager sailing solo sounds so horrific that it must be no less than child endangerment or downright abuse!

Parental smothering has become known as “helicopter parenting,” and it’s what prompted Lenore Skenazy to write Free Range Kids. You may have heard of her--she too was accused of being a terrible and irresponsible mom for letting her then 9 year old take the lesser adventure of a solo New York subway trip. Lenore has become a champion of parents who want to let their kids think for themselves, learn problem solving skills and generally have a happy, healthy independent childhood.

Maybe we don’t need to send our kids out to literally explore the world on their own, but we could start by letting them out the front door.

Photo: tiarescott

Who's the Crazy Parent Now?

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

Don't Forget Your Vitamin D

Michael Horvath, Pseudo-Dad Stepparenting

What Will I Be When You Grow Up?

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Contributor

I felt it necessary to mention why I chose to focus on college for single parents in the past couple of weeks. There are a multitude of reasons, but the main one at this moment is that I want to help single parents to get ready for the upcoming semester. Summer is the easiest time to do this since it's the largest time gap between semesters. My goal is to help single parents go back to school so that by the time the fall semester comes around they have all the loose ends neatly tied up. I just wanted to share that.

One of the biggest and hardest steps involved in going to school as a single parent is picking the right college for you and your family. There are quite a few elements involved. Time, money and abilities are the main factors. I urge you to sit down and make a list of what you need in your life and how college can make that happen. In other words, what do you require from a school that will make obtaining an education and maintaining your sanity capable of happening at the same time. Review colleges and see which one meets those needs.

I personally need a school that is affordable, allows me to work at my own pace and allows me to do my classes at home. I actually found a school that is completely online, accredited by all the right places,lets me set the pace and charges by the term instead of the class. That means I can complete as many courses as I want to in a 6 month term. All I can say is that I hope my professors are ready because I don't plan to waste any time. I hope you can find one that works well for you.

Once you pick your school, you need to pick the classes that are right for you as well. Advisors have really upset me with this one. They want to push students to take 4 classes their first semester. Unless you are fresh out of high school, I urge you to take only 2 classes to begin with. This gives you a chance to see what the school is like, learn their expectations and all the finer details of being in class. All of that is above and beyond actually learning the material. To date, almost every single parent that I know who has enrolled in 4 classes their first semester has regretted it. Here's a tip: Most financial aid programs only require that you take 2 classes, so you aren't losing anything at all by doing this.

Here we go. Pick your school, enroll and sign up for classes. It's really pretty simple and I'll even give you another money saving tip. Many schools have application fees. The majority of those schools will wave the fees if you can prove financial need. Anyone who receives benefits such as food stamps will generally qualify for having their fee waved. This isn't something that the school will tell you either. Call the admissions department and ask them about waving the fee. If they balk, call the financial aid department.

Don't hesitate for a minute to ask questions and make requests. This is not the time to be shy. Not only is this your education you're talking about, it is also your future and the creation of the role model you are giving your children to look up to.

This pretty much wraps up the series on single parents going back to school. Please feel free to leave questions in the comments section on the blog concerning this matter and I will be happy to help you in any way I can.

Picking Colleges and Classes

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

Alright my friends - summer is indeed upon us. In celebration of that we are doing a fabulous summer give-away! If you have an iPhone, iTouch or iPad you definitely want to check this cool app out! addition to having the fabulous experience of reading this amazing blog you also have a chance to win this fun summertime app - The Snow Globe Maker Beach app!
Snow Globe Maker Beach 1.2
Beach-loving photographers, crafters, scrap bookers, and creative kids can express their creativity and have fun turning favorite photos into unique snow globe souvenirs, e-greetings, Facebook posts, and custom crafts with the Snow Globe Maker Beach iPhone app.
Express your creativity and have fun turning favorite photos into unique beach souvenirs, email greetings, Facebook posts, and custom crafts with the Snow Globe Maker Beach iPhone app.

SnowGlobeMaker.com offers infinite ways to create and share photo snow globes with the Snow Globe Maker Beach app for iPhone, iPod touch, and iPad, available now on the iTunes App Store for only $.99. Photographers, scrapbookers, crafters, and creative kids can express their artistry and have fun designing and sharing unique, personalized snow globes souvenirs that combine their own photos with professional art. The integrated email, Facebook, and photo menus make sharing easy.

Kids can express their creativity and have fun turning favorite photos into beach snow globe souvenirs that combine digital pictures with professional art. An integrated sharing menu makes it easy to send custom snow globes in email, post them to Facebook or save them for use in print and online crafts.

However; as we all know NOTHING in this life is truly for free...so what's the catch? Well you have to comment on this post with your most embarrassing summer moment. Two of the funniest moments will be chosen and those lucky folks will win the Snow Globe Maker Beach app in exchange for their bravery in sharing!

And since I am a firm believer in not asking others to do something I wouldn't do I am sharing one of my most embarrassing summer moments!

When I was a kid my family and I lived in the Central Coast of California. During the summers we would spend at least one or two weekends a month and our one week vacation at San Antonio Lake. Some of my most amazing memories as a kid happened during these family outings.

One of my more embarrassing moments happened when I was about 13 or so. I was just going through puberty and my body was beginning "the change". My sister and I were on the shore of the lake in front of our campsite fishing while our Mom and Dad sat relaxing in a pair of lounge chairs watching us.

I will never forget - I was wearing a red and white striped one piece bathing suit and I raised my right arm behind my head holding the fishing pole so that I could cast my line. While preparing to swing the pole forward sending the line and hook out into the deep part of the water my barely there boobie popped out of my swim suit unbeknownst to me.

Until....my wonderful father says "Stacey, your pimple on the path of progress popped out!"

Talk about embarrassing! Of course the entire family was hysterical and I very quickly abandoned my attempt at fishing and opted for a t-shirt as opposed to the bathing suit.

That story has provided many a laugh for our family in the years since then...and of course, I am now able to laugh along with everyone.

Ok my friends - tag your it! Your turn to share some humiliating story in exchange for a really great free app!

App Info page: http://www.snowglobemaker.com/apps/snow-globe-maker-beach
Web site: SnowGlobeMaker.com
Download from iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/snow-globe-maker-beach/id314066823?mt=8
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Twitter: http://twitter.com/SnowGlobeMaker

SnowGlobeMaker.com is created by Hawk Ridge Consulting, which develops family-friendly iPhone and iPod touch apps that encourage creativity and fun, and offers custom iPhone app services. Company founder, Julie McCool, has over 20 years experience leading products at major software companies including AOL, Symantec, and Lotus.

Share Your Most Embarrassing Summer Moment and Win a Cool iTunes App!!

The Benefits of Play Dates

Yesterday I dropped my oldest son, a first year Boy Scout, off at Forest Park to spend the weekend camping with about 10,000 or so other St. Louis area scouts. They're celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Boy Scouts of America. It's gonna be hot, sunny (hopefully) and perhaps even buggy. I'm thinking my son will do OK, because I've taught him all about using his sunblock, wearing his hat, carrying a water bottle, and have armed him with a compact bottle of bug spray to carry in his pocket.

These items (hat, sunblock, water bottle, bug spray) aren't just for Scouts--they are necessary survival gear for taking your kids outside to play in the summer heat. If you're a stay-at-home mom like me, you might find yourself outside a lot more during summer vacation. Getting your kids outside to play is not only healthy, it's cheap. Bike rides through the neighborhood, strolls through the zoo, hikes in the park are all great fun as long as you're prepared.

Wear a Hat: Hats are great to have in the summertime. They keep the sun off your face and cover up messy hair that's overdue for a haircut or a bath. Baseball caps are good for protecting the face and eyes, but leave the ears and neck wide open for sunburn. A wide brimmed hat is better for all around protection, but if you can't get your boy into one, just back it up with sunblock on the ears and neck. Remember, a hat is no good if you child won't wear it, so take him or her shopping to select a hat they like. My oldest wore a Hot Wheels hat for years, but his current favorite is a Boy Scout hat with a flashlight in the brim. Sure, the flashlight cost extra, but it's worth it to get a hat he loves to wear.

Use Sunblock: Sunblock is a must for daytime adventures in the sun. Remember to apply it even if you're just in the backyard--you never know when a quick romp in the sand box turns into all day in the yard! I keep an extra bottle of sunblock in the car and a stick of sunblock in my baby bag so I'm never caught without. Sunblock sticks work great for applying to ears, necks and faces (I still do everyone's nose and cheeks even if they're wearing hats) and you can also apply it to arms and legs in an emergency. I like the spray on block for days at the pool when there's a lot of skin to cover--just remember to reapply if the kids get sweaty or wet. There's no such thing as fully waterproof sunblock.

Water Bottles: It's a good idea to carry water with you during the summer to stay hydrated. Kids can get cranky in the heat and not realize that they're just thirsty. (Tip: by the time you're thirsty you're getting dehydrated.) Water is not only the best thirst quencher but it's also pretty cheap. Refillable water bottles are the best best to save money AND the environment, plus your kids can pick out bottles in their favorite colors. Make your kids want to use them by letting them personalize the bottles with paint, permanent markers or stickers. Load them up with ice water before leaving the house and refill as needed at water fountains along the way. You can even bring more water in a cooler kept in the car if you plan on being outside for a long time.

Bug Spray: you may not need bug spray if you're outside during daylight hours, but if your adventures keep you outside at dusk you're going to want it. Use bug spray with DEET for the best protection. Spray on exposed skin and clothes, but do NOT spray on kids hands or faces. You don't want them licking bug spray after all.

Summer Survivial Tips: Playing in the Great Outdoors

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

• I carry antibacterial wipes with me and I wipe down the seat trays and the windows as well as the arms of the chair and the buttons on them.


• Try not to get stressed out before you trip. Stress lowers your immune system and leaves you more susceptible to illness.


• WASH YOUR HANDS!! Washing your hands is the single most effective way to prevent the transmission of illness. Use antibacterial gel if you aren't anywhere that you can wash your hands.


• Start taking extra Vitamin C before your flight - help boost that immune system. Some people swear by immune boosting products like Airborne or Cold-Eeze.


• Avoid using the blankets and pillows provided by the airline. Think about all the people that have laid on them, slept on them, drooled and who knows what else. They are supposed to be clean but why risk it? Dress in layers so that you can adjust to the temperature in the airplane accordingly.


• Stay hydrated. The air in the plane can cause your mucous membranes to dry out. Mucous is what traps germs in our nasal passages and prevents them from getting into our system.


• Rinse your nasal passages with saline solution. Also you can take a q-tip and carefully swab the inside of the nasal passages with Vaseline. This will keep the passages moist and help in trapping nasty germs.

Vacation is supposed to be fun and relaxing. You or your kids getting sick can get in the way of that big time. By following these simple steps you can reduce the chance that postcards aren't the only souvenirs your bring home.

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

As the Stepparenting "expert" I want to share with all of you something I have gotten from the "Step Parents Handbook". WHAT? Do you really think there was guide for this when biological parents don't even get one? (Disclaimer: I'm sure there are some books out there but if they had the answers we wouldn't have these problems would we now?)

So “the girl” is now 15 years old and is finishing up her first year of high school. She has spent the first year of her life away from her mom and living with her dad and his new family including his new wife and her three kids. She has been exposed to a new house, new rules, new daily environment(s), all kinds of new.

I know for certain that Tyler has gone through a lot of “growing pains” in these past months. Her life as she knew it, living alone with her mom for well over a decade, changed into one where she went to living in a full blown family. I have heard the conversations and gotten the updates about her transition. I know the bumps in the road. I watched Djuanna go through her own, now dealing with her kid’s issues from afar, sometimes missing Ty and at other times feeling relief that Tyler’s dad has had to deal with her. Soon she will be coming back to us for the summer.

Throughout the year I’ve pretty much just sat back and been the observer. Sure I’ve had thoughts and opinions but I have mostly kept them to myself. I can’t see that any input from me would have helped much more. You know the old saying, “too many cooks spoil the broth“. I do feel heard but I also know that I am not the parent.

Soon Tyler will be back “home” with Djuanna and I, and I wonder what that will bring. I “watched” the things Ty’s new stepmom had to go through with her. It was quite an adjustment. Ty’s dad dealt with her in his own way and I’m sure he got a few gray hairs. After all, in the past he was always the “fun” parent, getting Tyler for the holidays and summer vacations while Djuanna dealt with her during the rest of the year. And this went on for over a decade.

When Tyler left she had all of 3 weeks of experience living under one roof with Djuanna and I in our new home. (They moved into my house, I didn’t move into theirs since I had more room) Now she will have to adjust again. What that means for all of us I don’t know. I certainly don’t know what that means for me either. After all, they don’t have handbooks for stepparents either.

Step Parenting Handbook

by Kat Foust: Single Parenting Contributor

By now, hopefully you've filled out the FAFSA for going back to school. Maybe you're nervous or maybe you've been tossing the idea around with some family members or friends. That's all good and it needs to be done. Let's take a look at some of the options and issues you need to think about when thinking about picking your college. Don't worry, you're not deciding your life in one sitting, just reviewing some options.

There are traditional schools, online schools, distance learning and within those types of schools are ones that combine methods. Confused yet? Well, for instance, I went to a traditional school that offered a mix of types of classes. Though it was a traditional school, I only had to actually go there for 2 classes out of my entire degree. The rest were online.

There are alot of things to compare and take note of. Assuming that all college types held equal value in the job market, which method of learning is right for you?

I have to do mine online. I really have to. I cannot stand to have to drive up to the class all the time, then sit there and listen to someone talk. It drives me nuts and it throws my day completely off. I chose this method first because I didn't want another time during the week when I had to worry about a sitter. I couldn't afford it didn't need the stress of worrying about it.

Some parents I know have to take traditional classes. They need the absence of children and sometimes, just the socialization traditional learning provides. In some cases, they just didn't feel like they were in school unless they were literally in school.

Below is a list of things single parents need to consider. As you consider these things, imagine that each school holds the same value in a future employers' eyes. What you need to be concerned about right now is how you need to learn.

• Where will the children be when you are in school?
• How will school impact your work schedule?
• Do you work well on your own?
• Are you located close to a school you are considering attending?
• Which types of school offer the degree I seek? (Sorry, but if you plan to be a doctor, you can pretty much count on some traditional schooling.)

It's a good idea to start weighing your options and what you can handle. Maybe you don't want to have to get a sitter, but you need a traditional classroom. Talk with friends and relatives to see what your options are. You never know, maybe they will want to go to school as well and you can simply child swap for school days!

I have to say that I personally may not have gotten some of what I got out of my schooling if it wasn't for my son. We used some of my stuff for his homeschooling. His questions about what I was reading or doing sometimes gave me a whole new perspective and way to enjoy my work.

Online or Traditional Schooling for Parents

By Debbie Pecis

One of the most basic duties of being a mom is cooking, or, more generally, providing nourishment from one's children.  Among my little neighborhood cluster of fellow moms, "what's for dinner" is both a topic we discuss, as well as a question my children pose. 

It's not an easy one.  Really.

Children and food.  I've been itching to address this topic recently, an itch partially fueled by the launch of my sister-in-law's foodie blog: welcometofeast.com.  In her blog, she writes passionately about her love for food, different recipes, and issues such as gardening and eating locally.  But as eloquent as she is, I'm always aware that something is missing from her perspective.

Kids.  She doesn't have any.  (Not yet, hee hee.)

I first had a glimpse of how eating changes after children from my sister-in-law (a different sister-in-law, my husband's twin sister.)  While we were childless newlyweds, Melissa had three children, the youngest being just months old at the time and flush with a raging ear infection--just in time for her Baptism. 

I had brought a pie.  A pecan pie.  I knew Melissa liked this, and thought it would be a nice dessert offering.  She seemed happy, too.  "Mmmm, pecan pie!  I'm definitely having that!" she declared.  We plated her a slice at dessert time.

It quickly got set aside.  Katelyn, the baby, was fussing.  "Should I call the doctor?  Do you think I can get in someplace this late?"  Calls were made, bags were packed, and Melissa went off to some after-hours care.  The pie got relegated to some corner of the kitchen.  Later, Melissa, Katelyn, and a prescription of wildly pink antibiotics returned.  She settled Katelyn down; she flew about the house tucking in her other children; she fussed over some details about the next day's baptism.  Finally, at around 10 at night, she settled onto the couch.  With her pie.
  
The whole food equation seems to change with children, both in terms of eating and cooking.  As far as eating goes, Melissa's pie demonstrated it perfectly:  unless you wait until 10 at night, you might not get around to actually enjoying your food.  I commented once to a friend that meals could be so hectic, I could be shoveling cat food in my mouth and not really notice.

And if you're a gourmand, or a "foodie", or  just love to bask in appreciation as you serve up food and memories...forget it.  Oh, I'm actually not so cynical as to say abandon hope entirely--my children both prefer my homemade "weekend" macaroni and cheese over that blue boxed one--but, as my grandpa would say, "the wheel turns."  Do you remember complaining about certain meals that came to the dinner table?  I do.

And now my kids do.

I'm not sure I've given any advice in this piece; I'm not even sure I that was my intent.  I think I just want to be a dissenter to an Oprah mantra: Never eat after 8 o'clock.  Really?  'Cause that's sometimes the only time I get to appreciate food.  Again, Oprah doesn't have children, just lots of money.

As for that first sister-in-law, the one with no children--yet--I say enjoy your pie.  (You know why...and not just because you make great pie.)

Or perhaps learn to make cat food.

A Piece of the Pie