The WM Parenting Connection

By Daniel Lee- Single Parenting Expert

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a friendship with your children. Well, stop that way of thinking now. As a parent you cannot have a friendship with your children. You are the parent they are the children, and that will always be the scope of your relationship.

Now while it may seem I came off a bit harsh in the previous paragraph, I did.This of course is for good reason. I have seen lately many parents that try to be cool, hip, down, and all the other slang with their kids. This seems to lead to many problems, one being the child does not know they are the minor and you are theauthoritative figure in their lives.

A child needs boundaries set in their lives, and while this may at times seem to be a very trying feat, it is a necessity. As a single parent this can be a more than difficult process. When two parents separate they seem to vie for the child's love, and affections. Children soak this sort of behavior up between parents, and will always play two ends against the middle. This sort of behavior with the parents often leaves them in this mode of trying to be friends with the children.

Here are a few things that maybe will help you in your quest to take up the parent role, and not the friend role.

1. Be fair, but be firm.
Children need you to set their boundaries, you are the parent, and ultimately in charge of their well being and personal safety.

2. Explain that respect is a two way street.
Children want respect especially when they hit those teen years. However you must explain to them respect is earned not given.

3. Set ground rules, and stick by them.
A household without rules and constraints just leads to anarchy. Remember they will have to abide by rules all their lives, and you are just laying the foundation to learn how to deal with that.

4. You are not their friend.
If you try to be their friend they will lose respect for you. This will make it much more difficult for you in the end when you do try to parent them.

Most of all just remember to love your children, and by all means show them that you do. Also remember you are the one mostly responsible for who they will be as adults. Good Luck and remember also that you are not alone.

Parenting vs. Friendship

 By Angela Atkinson

I don't know about you, but my kids say the funniest things. For example, my daughter Sophie, age two, calls every part of her body "pretty." So, she'll say "I hurt my pretty finger!" Always makes me smile. And my middle son, Noah, age 6, always tells me that he'll "never take me off his heart." Recently, he also told me that he loves me more than video games.

Today, The WM Freelance Connection is hosting our first ever giveaway contest. The winner will receive a $40.00 store credit to AllChildrensFurniture.com, which sells kids furniture, toys, decor and so much more. 

Second and third place winners will receive a free copy of Kerrie McLoughlin's hilarious ebook, The Laid Back Mom's Parenting Guidebook.

The Contest

All you have to do to win is to comment on this post with the funniest things one of your kids (or a kid you know) has ever said. Then, head over to our sidebar and become a follower.

The WM bloggers will choose the funniest comments and we'll announce the winners here a week from today, Monday, April 5. Winners will also be notified by email.

The Prizes

First Prize: $40 credit to AllChildrensFurniture.com
Second & Third Prize: The Laid-Back Mom's Parenting Guidebook

The winners will be announced a week from today, Monday, April 5.

Some Inspiration

Need a little inspiration? I asked my Facebook friends to tell me what funny things their kids said, and here are some of the funniest things they had to say:

"A kid I babysit told me he would be mad at me if I broke his slap chop cause he likes to help mommy cook. He picked it up and moved it to where he thought I couldnt reach, in case I couldnt help myself." ~Rachel B.

"Ashley once told a group of parents that her daddy was teaching her how to get high.I jumped in and yelled 'ON THE SWING! He's teaching her to pump her legs to go higher on the swing!' And from my oldest, she went to school and proudly told every one that her daddy is a brown man! I had to explain to her that her daddy is white, he just tans very well!" ~Jennifer F.

"I accidently let the word "shit" out of my mouth infront of my friends' son, so the little boy said to my David, 'Oooooh, David, your mommy said a bad word!' To which my wonderful and very proud son said, "that's NOTHING, my mommy says bad words all the time!" ~Johanna N.

"You're breaking my feelings." Emily, age 4.~Shari D.

"Husband asks for a drink of our daughter's soda. Just before he takes a drink he says 'Don't worry, I won't backwash very much.' To which she says 'That's okay, I do it all the time.' Emily, age 6." ~Shari D.

"When my daughter was young, she always put her shoes on the wrong feet (left on right and right on left). One day, my mother proceeded to tell her 'Madi, ur shoes r on the wrong feet.' Madi replies, 'But nana, they is the only feets I got.'" ~Jennifer W.

"When my nephew was about 4 he was driving in the car with me. We were headed to my mom's house and they were doing construction on her road. He noticed when we drove past his nanny's house and asked where we were going, I told him we had to go up the street to make a U turn, he replied 'You're going to make a ME turn?'" ~Jennifer F.

"My first had a hard time making certain sounds when he started talking. T's were coming out more like F's. So we're standing it line at the store and my toddler gets all excited about a monster truck show poster/display so he points to it and at the top of his tiny little lungs screams 'TRUCK' but it sounded like f*ck!!!" ~Denise B.

So let's hear it, Moms & Dads. What are the funniest things your kids have said? There just might be a prize in it for you!

Kids Say the Darndest Things Contest

Please help us welcome our newest blogger, Shari Downhill, to The WM Parenting Connection.Downhill has been an active professional writer and photojournalist for over 25 years. The majority of that time she spent in the world of newspaper journalism in a wide variety of beats.

Downhill found her niche in human interest feature writing and photo layout. Her writing earned several  awards from the Idaho Press Club for her regular column, “From the Heart.” Downhill focuses on non-fiction writing genres because, she says, life is just too interesting to spend time making things up - particularly when it comes to parenting.


Shari Downhill will be our new Teens & Tweens Expert. Please enjoy her first post, below.

Facing off with Ophelia
By Shari Downhill

Who said teenagers don’t communicate? (Okay, it was me.) However, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve found a way in.

While my 15-year-old may show me the poker face passing in the hall, I am allowed to see a fabulous other person when she turns her back to me in our home office and fires up Facebook on her laptop. Emily meets me in the ether on level ground where we have become “Facebook Buddies.” Granted, she only begrudgingly consented to be my “Friend” because it meant she had one more Farmville neighbor alliance. Fine. I’ll pay my dues. Being a video game farmer is a small price to hand over for hanging out with my daughter and hearing her giggle behind my back.

It makes me “lol” to realize what I’d been missing. Now, I don’t miss a thing.

I enjoy the bite size banter that weaves into the occasional extended dialog. Sometimes it takes a bit of chiding to get her to blow a fuse and throw down some chat. Even when direct dialog lags, I have other road signs that give me hints about what she’s up to – the phenomenon of strangely named Facebook fan groups.

It’s not clear if those that join these Facebook fan groups ever talk about anything significant in the groups’ chat area. The primary goal seems to be to have the name of the ridiculous Facebook fan group show up on your main Facebook wall space – the platform for shared dialog and the way all of us Facebook fanatics talk to our world. After all, it’s all about informing our Friends because, you know, we’re sort of a big deal.

“Shari became a fan ‘Ooooooooh, That sounds a bit harsh, I better put "lol" on the end of it.’”

Occasionally, Facebook gives me timely information about Emily that almost seems too perfect. For example, the morning after “Emily became a fan of I hate when my parents rush me to get ready and then when I am, they're not”… I ended up waiting for five minutes in the car after being told she was ready to go to school. Need I say more?

Well, yes…I do…

The Facebook venue is more than a place to meet my daughter. It’s turned into an extended family gathering spot. All three of Emily’s grown siblings are Facebook users and all of them belong to our “Friends” network. So, while Emily may miss her California-based brother and sisters , she benefits via Facebook from daily ribbings and cajoling. They remind her to do her chores, behave, be nice, study, be respectful…and overall let her know often and how much they love her. In a time BFB (Before Facebook) interaction between Emily and her older siblings was infrequent and only during holiday visits was there much depth to their discussions. Facebook has changed that.

Facebook may not be the only way to get through to Emily, but in my opinion it’s currently one of the best. As long as her cell phone is operational I occasionally manage to get texts to her (her preferred method of receiving communiqués from her mother unit). However, the cell phone issue remains a tenuous link:

“Emily became a fan of 5% battery left and you run like a ninja to get your charger !”

At least I THOUGHT texts were her preference until:

“Emily became a fan of Oh I got a text!! I hope its from........ oh my god leave me alone!”

Ah, well, at least I can keep trying to pay attention to her signals, and do my best to meet her pressing needs:

“Emily became a fan of Open fridge, nothing. Freezer? nothing. Might as well try the fridge again.”

And pick up early warning signs of fatigue:

“Emily became a fan of "I’ll just sleep 5 more minutes....."30 minutes later "OH CRAP!"

And one day maybe…

“Emily became a fan of ‘I redo high fives if they weren't good enough the first time.’”

New WM Parenting Connection Blogger: Shari Downhill

By Denise Bertacchi

There’s been a lot of buzz lately about what we feed our kids. First Lady Michelle Obama wants to help us battle childhood obesity though better nutrition and a more active lifestyle, a county official in California wants to ban evil, fat addicting toys in fast food meals, and the U.S. Senate is overhauling the Child Nutrition Act which regulates school lunches.

Speaking of school lunches, have you checked out the anonymous blogger who is eating a school lunch every day this year? If you’ve never dropped in on your child’s school to see exactly what being served up, you might want to check out this blog. Her school’s lunches may not be exactly what your kid is eating, but it’s probably close. Eewww.

So what are you feeding your kids? If you’re staying home with little ones, are you raiding a bag of frozen chicken nuggets every other day? Stocking up on boxes of mac and cheese? Do you pack your school kid’s lunch or just let them buy it?

I find myself caught between what’s easy and what’s right when it comes to my kid’s meals. I have a toddler who currently won’t eat anything other than Poptarts or crackers (with cream cheese on a good day), and a 5th grader who’s been trained to “try anything once.”

Cafeteria lunches have always bothered me--I wasn’t fond of them as a kid--so I’ve made a point of packing my older boy’s lunch. Part of this is to make sure he’s offered something he might actually want to eat, and partially to make sure he has time to eat it. Ask your school kid how much time he or she has for lunch and just how much of that time is spent standing in line. A sack lunch is like a speed pass to the lunch table. My kid’s lunch box is a balance of good for you and plain good. I offset the salty chips with a tube of frozen yogurt, fruit and "white" whole wheat bread.

My toddler needs work in the lunch department. He’s so willful it’s impossible to make him do anything, especially try a new food. I’m hoping that as he gets older I might be able to reason with him more. On the other hand, if I don’t start expanding his food horizons soon I might end up with a picky eater for life.

In a rut and need some new ideas on packing a school kid's lunch? Check out LapTop Lunches, a California company that makes a reusable lunch container system based on the Japanese Bento box. Their site is full of great healthy lunch ideas that you'll want to try.

Need advice on a younger picky eater? Check out what Dr. Sears, a pediatric expert, has to say about feeding toddlers.

Photo credit: Wellspring Community

What's in your kid's lunch?

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert


As a nation we watched the Kennedy family suffer the tragic loss of their husband and father. We cried as John Jr. saluted his father's grave and watched the family mourn their loss. But what about behind closed doors? How were those kids helped to mourn?

Dealing with death and grief is hard. There is no rule book on how to deal with the subject. There are steps and stages that we all go through while enduring the process and as adults we understand that it's necessary to heal. But what about our children? What do they understand and how can we help them to cope?


Like adults, kids deal with death differently. It is important to realize that there is no right or wrong way to deal with loss, but there are some general guidelines that can help.

Be honest with your children. Answer their questions making sure that you speak to them at a level that they can understand. Because children younger that 5 or 6 years old live in a very literal world you should not explain the death of a loved on as "going to sleep" or that you "lost" them. In a young person's mind that is exactly what happened and that can create fear that they will also go to sleep and never wake up or that they too can be "lost".

Be open to talking about their feelings when they are ready - don't force the issue. If they are not ready to talk be okay with that. When they are ready and they have questions they will come to you if you have made it clear that you are available.

Answer questions honestly but don't over complicate things. Ask them what they think happened and find out what they know. Kids are smart - they are often more aware of what is going on than we think...

Be aware that children may not understand that death is permanent. Very often they will ask you the same questions over and over in their quest to understand. You need to display patience and answer those questions - no matter how many times they ask.

Leave it up to your child to how they want to remember and honor their loved one. If they want to go to the funeral or memorial service let them go and if they don't then that needs to be OK too.

Keep the memory alive. Talk about that person, look at pictures or video and remember their life. By doing this you are keeping that loved one alive.

Be spiritual. If you are a spiritual person and your faith is what you lean on to get you through tough times, share that with your child. Religion and faith often give meaning to life and a bigger purpose to our lives here on earth. This can create hope in your child that things happen for a reason and that alone can be reassuring.

Be prepared for a variety of emotions and reactions to the death of a loved one. He/she may display anger and acting out, problems in school, sadness and crying even physical ailment such as headaches and stomach aches.

Find a counselor or support group. Having your child talk to a grief counselor can help them deal with the death of someone close to them. Working through the grief process is what will help them heal.

Above all - love your children. Death can make even the most grown-up of us question our security in life -- imagine how a child must feel. They will need the reassurance and security of your love.

Helping Our Children Deal with Death and Grief

By Michael Horvath, Pseudo-Dad Step Parenting

What Did You Call Me?

By Daniel Lee- Single Parenting

When I had children I always said, "I will be sure my children have all the
things I never had”. Boy this was a big mistake, and unfortunately, I didn't realize it till too late. When my children were younger, and I am talking from the age of 0 to 12, I spoiled them like crazy. I gave them everything a child could possibly want from a parent with a decent income. Christmas and birthdays were heaven, each receiving about $1,000 worth of stuff. Of course this stuff was merely garbage as they quickly moved onto other things, and didn’t care for the stuff they received any more than as if it were dirt on the floor.

Why do I write about this in this blog? That is a good question, and here is the answer. I recently purchased a new cell phone plan to save money from a previous rip off plan. This new plan came with new phones, and I figured at the price my kids could have a phone, and they would be in seventh heaven. Now this current plan has everything a teen could want from unlimited text, unlimited IM, unlimited voice, and many other options. So I figure “Ok great job right, WRONG!” My daughter called me yesterday on our lovely new phones asking me the ever so priceless question that prompted this topic. Here it is, “Dad I know you just got this cell phone plan and the phones, BUT,I don’t like the phone. Can I have a new one that is better than this one”? Upon receiving this question, I tried to ever so gently make her aware of contracts,
and the fact my income has changed and cannot afford to change it.

Ok, so you say “well that doesn’t seem too bad”. That is only until you hear some more, trust me. Later that afternoon after explaining I do not have money, because of this terrible economy, she asked for something else. Here is the newest call, “Hi dad, I know you said you don’t have any money, BUT,I decided I would like to have an early birthday present”. So I asked the all important, and yet dumb question, “What is that baby”? Her reply floored me, “Can you buy me an Xbox 360”? My jaw just about hit the floor needless to say.

So here it is parents, my advice to you is simply this. Do not spoil your children; it is good for a parent to provide, and at times to give the little extras. However that being said they learn no lessons about money, financial responsibility, or saving for what you want. I fear I caused my children harm when I was a new parent, spoiling them as I did. I am trying hard to make up for it now, but it is an up-hill battle. Remember to let your children know from an early age money does not grow on trees, and that hard work and saving is the best way to get what you want. As parents none of us are perfect, and at times are prone to make mistakes. I think in as much as I have suffered from mine, you may gleam some knowledge with this article, and not make the same one I did.

Money Doesn't Grow On Trees

By Angela Atkinson

In today's highly connected world, nearly everyone has access to a cell phone. And, while they've made life easier in many ways, making us available to our loved ones when they need us, they've also presented a whole new set of problems.

If you ever watch Oprah Winfrey, you're probably aware of her No Phone Zone Campaign, which she plugs at the end of each show. Winfrey asks her viewers to completely avoid using the phone--both text and talk--while driving.

"If you think you have the cell phone, texting and driving thing down...you do not," says Winfrey's website, Oprah.com. "Sign our pledge to make your car a No Phone Zone and pass it on. You could save a life—maybe even yours."

While Oprah feels that there should be absolutely no phone use while you drive, many people (me included) feel that using a hands-free phone or bluetooth helps to keep drivers safe if they need to talk on the phone.

So, though I'm totally with Oprah on the no texting and driving thing--I really get the sentiment--I can't sign her pledge because I am ok with hands-free or bluetooth talking and driving, at least when it comes to responsible and experienced adults. (Teens, on the other hand, I'm not sure about. When I was a teen, very few people had cell phones. Some "grown ups" had the old bag phones...yeah, I realize I'm dating myself here.)

Anyway, the whole texting and driving thing never made much sense to me, but the many of the newly licensed teens (and young adults) who haven't experienced life without cell phones (unlike us old folks) apparently don't feel the same way.

Every time I turn around, there are stories like this and this, talking about teens who are killed because they tried to text and drive. Of course, it's not just teens who are guilty of texting and driving. There are just as many incidences of adults who are killed the same way--like this story about a 51 year old woman who lost control of her car and this one about a 25 year old woman who killed a teenager on a bicycle because she couldn't wait to answer a text message while she drove.

While I completely feel for the families of those who lost their loved ones in these tragic accidents, I have to stop and wonder: If adults are texting and driving, what kind of example are they setting for the kids in their lives?

And if that's not enough for you, think about these scary statistics. According to a report published by Edgar Snyder & Associates, 21 percent of fatal car accidents involving teenage drivers involve cell phones, and 34 percent of teens admit to texting and driving. Scarier yet, nearly 60 percent of kids say that they've been in a moving car while the driver was texting.

As the mom of three kids--one of whom will be driving in a mere three years (two and a half, if you count the permit!), I am calling my fellow parents to action. Don't text and drive, please. And don't let your teens do it either. Take serious action if you find out that your kids are texting and driving. Don't be a softie--warn them once, and if you find out it happens again, take the car keys for a week or two. You may just save their lives--or someone else's.

Don't think us parents are alone in this deal, though. Nineteen states (and counting) have already made texting and driving illegal. And, communications giant AT&T has joined the fight against texting and driving with its new campaign called It Can Wait.

Along with CITA-The Wireless Association, The National Safety Council and other organizations, AT&T is encouraging drivers to wait until the car is stopped to read or respond to text messages.

"Our message is simple, yet vital: When it comes to texting and driving, it can wait," says AT&T.

AT&T has even created an "It Can Wait" pledge on Facebook. I am signing it, and I encourage you and your teens to do the same. (And, even better, the company is contributing $250K to one or more non-profit organizations dedicated to youth safety in honor of all those who sign the pledge.)

Here's the thing folks. There is absolutely NO text message that is important enough to risk your (or someone else's) life. Like the good people at AT&T say: IT CAN WAIT! Tell your kids, tell your parents, and tell everyone else that you know. It can wait.

Still not convinced?

Check out this super short video--it's very simple and just 16 seconds long, but it may just change your mind about texting and driving.

No text message is worth dying over, and no parent deserves to lose their child over something so small. Take action today, my friends, and let's help make the roads a safer place for ourselves and our children.

Text Messages and Driving: So Not Worth Dying Over

Tips for Dealing with Sibling Rivalry

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Moms

Loneliness is one of the worse problems you will need to conquer as a stay at home mom. You might not realize that loneliness is the problem that’s nagging at you, because…you’re never actually alone. Moms are constantly surrounded by these tiny sub-humans otherwise known as “children.”

Take me, for example. During the day I have a talkative toddler as my constant companion. All day long he babbles about this and that, narrating his life as if he’s afraid that if he doesn’t announce his every move, he’ll cease to exists. I also have a 5th grader, who spends as little time as possible with me when he's not at school. He’s either in his room, on the computer, with friends, at practice or at a Boy Scout meeting. He stayed home with me for about two years (from 3-5) before heading off to school, so I’m thinking he did all the socializing he needed with me back then. Now I’m just the chauffer and chef.

When I first began staying home I joined a mother’s club, which kept me sane by introducing me to a few mommy friends. We planned outings once or twice a week, where we would turn the kids loose on some play area then hang back and chat while supervising from a far. I used to worry that we were somehow neglecting our mothering duties, but I didn’t realize just how much moms needed that time to socialize. I was new to the stay at home gig then, having freshly escaped from the grown up nine to five grind.

So what’s the problem now? We moved a few years ago. Not very far, just to a “better” school district the next county over. My mom friends said I should keep hanging out with them—after all, they were only 20 minutes away. But we drifted apart and I severed the last connections when gas prices skyrocketed and I could no longer justify wasting precious gas on something as silly as mommy dates and Mary Kay parties.

I tried to make new friends with the moms of my son’s classmates. Unfortunately, it seems that most moms start working again once their kids start school. When I had my second child I kicked around the idea of joining another mom’s club, but I had doubts. For one thing, there aren’t any groups really close to this new neighborhood. For another: I’m much older now. My second kid made his appearance shortly after my 37th birthday. Most moms my age seem to be done with child birth and the thought of trying to make friends with a bunch of twenty-something’s just starting the mommy track makes me cringe.

I’ve got one good friend who works at home, but I always feel bad about dragging my toddler along to lunch. We try to work out together, which is good for both us, and easy to do since our gym has a built in daycare. But too often I end up missing her after my toddler has made me late, while she was able to arrive unencumbered once the school bus whisked away her school aged kid.

I also tried to fill my friend void by helping out with Cub Scouts, which at least put me in close proximity to other moms my age. But now I’m those friends because my kid crossed over to Boy Scouts—an organization that is notoriously unfriendly to moms.

I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with myself yet. Guess I’ll write more—it seems to help.

Mom Needs a Few Friends

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

I am a glass if half full kinda gal. Always have been. Part of my problem is that I am emotionally lazy and it takes way too much work to be anything but positive. Don't get me wrong - I don't always have my happy hat on! But those moments aren't very often and they certainly don't last long because they make me tired! But for most people it is not that easy. ESPECIALLY when most of our time is spent taking care of other people and putting ourselves last. Not to mention all the stresses in our everyday lives - bills, kids, work, school (theirs and ours), just to name a few.

What does having a positive attitude do for your health?

• can increase your life span
• can lower rates of depression
• can help lower levels of stress
• help increase resistance to illness
• helps create better psychological and physical well-being
• can help reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
• can help create better coping skills during hardships and times of stress
  

So what can you do to turn your frown upside down?

• Set aside some time for yourself. It doesn't have to be a large amount of time. Take a bath, read a book, go for a run. Do something that makes you happy. If locking yourself in your closet with your iPod blasting Snoop Doggy-Dog's latest jam is what makes you happy then do it!


• Do something for someone else. Making someone else's day can go a long way in making your day. How can you feel bad when you are making someone else feel good? You think you got it rough? There is always someone out there that has it worse then you do - take time out to ease their suffering and I bet it makes you look at your life in a different light.


• Count your blessings. It's easy to get caught up in the things we don't have or can't do. Take a moment to think about the things in your life you are grateful for. Yes, your kids drive you bonkers and your hubby forgets to put the seat down. Quiet is over-rated and we all need a bath anyway right?
  
  Exercise. Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins - feel good chemicals. Give your body a little nudge in the feel good department and burn some calories at the same time.
  

• Take action. Make a plan. Something isn't going quite right or encountering hurdles that prevent completing your goals? Make a plan of attack to get over those hurdles. I always feel better when I have a plan and I can SEE what needs to be done and cross off the things I accomplish. In fact, I make it a habit to put every little minute thing I want to do on my list. The more things I can cross off the more I can convince myself I got something done after all.

• Laugh, laugh, laugh. Laughing is good for your soul and good for your attitude too! Don't take life so seriously - learn to laugh at yourself. I would be one bored individual if I didn't crack myself up all the time. The bonus plan is making other people laugh...but my main concern is entertaining myself!


• Change the chatter in your head. What we say to ourselves greatly influences how we live our lives. If we are constantly thinking about the negative things in our lives then they overshadow the positive things and cause us to dwell on negativity. Besides I rock and I tell myself as much all the time. And admit it - you rock too - now say it out loud. Go ahead - do it - now just keep saying it! If you don't feel like you rock that's OK. If you tell yourself enough that you are the best thing since white bread then eventually you will BE the best thing since white bread.

Listen, we all have craziness in our lives. I don't know about you, but in my house chaos is the norm. Today's society thrives on cramming 28 hours worth of activity into a 24 hour day. Do yourself a favor and change your negative frown upside down and start thinking in a more positive light.

Soon you too can be like me, practicing emotional laziness and seeing negativity as too much work!

Half Full Or Half Empty? You Decide.

By Michael Horvath, Pseudo-Dad Step Parenting

Being a step parent has it's own unique challenges. There is a line that must be acknowledged when it comes time to know when to step up or step back. This is especially true when both biological parents are in the picture.

There are laws which define exactly what a step parent can and cannot do. Basically the step parent has no rights unless the biological parent has lost or relinquished their rights. Some laws are different state to state and there are some that even have rights assigned to all three "parents". Laws can take the gray area out of many decisions but even then all will not be black and white.

When it comes to decisions made for the child(ren) a step parent should remain as neutral as possible. They need to try to keep their head down and stay out of the way. This does not mean that they don't have a voice. Realize that your voice is a combination of your personal thoughts and feelings and may not have any bearing on the outcome of any choices being made by the biological parents. Here is a personal example:

Djuanna and her ex had long been talking about Tyler moving to Virginia to live with her biological dad for her high school years. He wanted his "turn" at parenting her and he was in no way a "deadbeat dad" over the years. I had been around awhile already and although it is my opinion that he blew it with some of the choices he made in his marriage to Djuanna, he is a good man and loves his daughter in a huge way. For myself, I too came to love his daughter in a huge way, but pay attention to two key words here - "his daughter". I told Djuanna that I wanted Ty to stay with us. I never breathed a word of it to Tyler other than to let her know she was welcomed and loved by me. Speaking my mind to her would have been detrimental and possibly confusing for her. I never had a conversation with the ex either. When it comes down to the decision making, those conversations are for the biological parents to have between the two of them. In the end Tyler moved in with her dad and his new wife and her kids. Tyler is now getting life experiences in their home, experiences she wouldn't otherwise have had. She is in a great school and loves it. We will have her for holidays and summers and in the end I am okay with it. Why? Because I spoke my heart and didn't hold back which may have caused me to build resentments. But the most important thing is doing what is best for Tyler and that is what everybody wants.

Setting rules for the house are a whole different ball game. With summer around the corner Tyler is going to have new guidelines when it comes to living with me. She learned what was expected of her when it was just her mom and herself. Over the past months she has learned a new set of rules for her dad's and stepmom's household. Next comes the rules that her mom and I will have for her in our house. Making kids happy isn't always the primary goal of parenting although having happy kids is what we all want. She will adjust. I am sure there will be things she enjoys about living with us as the expectations of her dad's house won't apply. Then she will probably not like some of the new rules either. But rules aren't any teen's favorite thing in the first place now are they? Children also have the ability to adapt to two different parenting styles as well. So having two sets of house rules shouldn't be made into a big deal. Of course it will be easier if they are similar.

But what about discipline? Certainly with the discussion of rules comes discipline. To me this is a no-brainer. The discipline is up to the biological parents. Once again this doesn't mean that step parents don't have a say, but we must be careful to maintain healthy and respectful boundaries. If there is a disagreement about what may be done in certain situations, then that is between the parent and the step parent to come to an agreement. As in all families, parents (and step parents) must show a united front.

Just because a step parent may not have the "rights" of a biological parent, they should do their best to guide and care for their stepchild, being an active part of the child's life. It is about stepping up and also knowing when to step back.

Stepping Up and Stepping Back

By Daniel Lee

When you become a single parent maybe one of the biggest questions is: When can I date, and if I am gonna date what is best for the kids?

I think one of the most trying and difficult times for a child who is the product of a divorce is, "the dating senario" with the parents.

To help out, here are some dating dos and don'ts:

1. Meet your dates away from home in the beginning of a new relationship.

2. Introduce dates as friends if your child resents your dating, explaining that parents need adult friends, too. Add a tag such as "so-and-so is my tennis partner," or "a co-worker from the office."

3. Try not to have a slew of different dates running through your home and
your child's life. This lifestyle might be fun for you, but it's confusing for and
hard on the children.

4. Enjoy the benefits of shared physical custody, if you have it. You can perhaps
confine your dating to the times the children are not with you. If you only have
access to your children on weekends, there will come a point when they have to
share in your dating life. Just remember that the longer this takes, the easier it
will be for your children.

5. Begin locking a bedroom door for privacy before you have someone spending
the night so that option is available to you.

6. Choose with care those significant others whom you let get close to your
family. Children get attached to people you date over a long period of time, and
these breakups are often harder on them than on the adults involved.

7. Letting your ex know your whereabouts when going out of town is a
responsible act, but is not always done. If your ex will not give you a
phone number, suggest that he or she let you know who does know how
to reach them should an emergency arise. (This is not the same as keeping
tabs on your former spouse's social life --consciously or unconsciously.)

Sticking to these simple guidelines should make dating much easier on you,
and most of all on the children. We have had an article on this before, and
rather recently to boot. However, I feel maybe reading one from a mans
perspective will allow for people to see that men and women, when it comes
to this subject do think unilaterally.

Dating For the Single Parent

By Dawn Bininger

Read Part One of Dawn's Story: The Mom She Should Have Been

My research on the web told me: NO I was NOT a freak. That it was more common than people think. But why then, amongst my friends and family, was I the ONLY one unable to have a child?

And here is a very dark confession dear reader….When a friend or family member DID struggle getting pregnant, there was a part of me that was relieved. Yes. I know. I am not proud of it, but its true. I felt like FINALLY I would have company on the “other side”. But inevitably every single one of them that wanted to get pregnant did.

I became more than a tad bitter.

I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t get my answers. So I did the only thing I could. I cried myself to sleep for many nights wondering what I must have done to be punished this way. Surely I must have been a very bad person in a past life to have to deal with this in this life.

At some point in my journey I sat down with the husband and told him straight up that he could leave me if he wanted to. That I would understand. That if he wanted to have children, then he was free to go. I did NOT want to be the reason this man did not have a child. That guilt was eating me up.

To those of you who have never had to have this conversation, consider yourself lucky. For I was more than sincere. I wanted to give him his free pass to have the life I could not give him. If he stayed with me his only chance to have his own child would also come to pass.

To my relief, he declined my offer.

Years went by. Nieces and nephews came. Every birth announcement and baby shower invite was torture to me. Holidays were a nightmare. Simple things like trips to the mall were painful. Not because I was a mean spirited person. Quite the opposite really. It was because my heart was breaking, healing, and re-breaking almost monthly it seemed.

Let me go on record as saying it‘s difficult. It’s hard to be happy for people when you are feeling so very sorry for yourself. You start pulling away from everyone because you feel that no one understands. And sadly, many don’t. I had mother after mother offering me advice and comfort. When all I wanted to do was yell and scream “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

And how could they really?

I was so jealous that it happened so effortlessly for them. But I plastered on my smile and did my best to hide the pain in my heart. Remarkably, this was probably when Steve and I were at our closest. What could have easily torn us apart, actually made our friendship and bond grow. We were in this together. For better or worse. I had no idea than what “worse” would be.

At my final breaking point, I had just come home from another visit to my fertility specialist. I was just about to move on to the next step in Infertility Drugs. The intramuscular injections to get my body ready for Invitro Fertilization.

I was armed with a huge amount of reading material, an appointment at the drug store to learn how to give myself the shots in my thigh, and a huge book of stats that my office had given me. You know, their success rates. The percentages of twins. Triplets. Quads…The risk of multiple births was high. The cost was astronomical. And the saddest stat? It usually took at least two, or three rounds to fertilize.

I sat there one morning reading it all. Taking it all in. When I had a huge giant meltdown.

How were we ever going to be able to afford this? I am talking approximately 12-13,000 total per round at the time. With NO coverage with my insurance.

It was an overwhelming, gut wrenching decision. While we never want to think money plays into decisions like these, it does.

I think I had information overload to be quite honest.

A three day depression followed. I didn’t go to work. I didn’t get out of bed. I laid there on the couch watching endless episodes of TLC’s A Baby Story and crying.

On day three the husband and I had “the talk”. I think he truly was fearful I would never leave that couch!
Although I was not, and am not, a religious person I knew, without a doubt in my heart, that this was NOT the route for me.

I just knew this was NOT the way I wanted to have a baby. I wanted a baby. Not a litter of children. I couldn’t, in good conscious, abort any of the embryos should more than one fertilize. I couldn’t fathom leaving work every day for weeks on end to go get shots. I couldn’t fathom putting my body through all that pain. I couldn’t fathom making the natural process of having a child into some sort of strange, surreal, science experiment.

Please. Do not get me wrong. I have NOTHING against people who choose to go that route. On the contrary, what I learned that day is that this is a very personal decision. One that needs to be agreed upon by BOTH partners. As for me, it simply wasn’t going to happen.

After three very long, very emotional days, I made the gut wrenching choice to stop all means of infertility treatments.

I was 27 years old when I realized that I was walking away from my only chance to have my very own child.

Guest Post: Coming to Terms With Infertility, Part 2

By Dawn Bininger

So this past Thanksgiving I decided to do something I had NEVER done. Host Thanksgiving dinner. I know. I know. Shocking, isn’t it? In all my 37 years I had never done this.

My attendees were an eclectic mix of family and friends. Just the way I like it! A motley crew of folks which included my ex-husband AND my current boyfriend. Yeah. No joke! I am cutting edge on the divorce frontier, people.

Dinner was devoured in true Viking style, and a nice, leisurely conversation started up. Also in attendance was my beautiful 15 year old niece and her new boyfriend Chad. A very sweet kid I had met a few times before.

Suddenly, out of the blue, it happened.

Chad looks across at me and very innocently asks “Dawn, why don’t you have any kids?”
Immediately a flurry of activity followed…

My niece fiercely whispering “Shhhhhhhhhhhh”…My sister reaching over to flick his arm…The whispered “ She doesn’t like to talk about it“…All followed by a stunned looking me and an embarrassed looking Chad.
Poor kid…Never had a chance…

I don’t get it and never have. Note to the world…It’s OKAY to ask me. No, really!!
I have ALWAYS been an open book regarding this aspect of my life. Oh, heck, who am I kidding? I am an open book about everything in my life…Pick your question, ask it, and I am sure to answer it.

Trust me. You are much more uncomfortable than I am about it.

So why don’t I have any children?

Well. I certainly didn’t PLAN on not having any…As I like to say…It just wasn’t in the stars for me…
Much like every other young lady I always assumed it would eventually happen. You know. Marriage. Two point five kids. House in the burbs. Dog. Cat. Bird. That’s what happens, right?

I didn’t dwell on it. Just assumed, in time, that plan would materialize. I was on birth control from the age of 16 because of irregular menstrual cycles. (Clue #1)

I met my now ex-husband Steve at the age of 21. After 6 months of dating I found myself pregnant for the very first time. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I was on the pill. I was in a new, pretty serious relationship. And I don’t think we had really discussed children at that point.

I was a cleaning houses. He worked in a warehouse. We were ill prepared to have a child. (I know, as if having a child is ever truly convenient, right?)

So there I was pregnant, scared, and uninsured.

But after a brief freak out, I did what I have always done when troubles arise. I tackled it head on. To Steve’s credit, he handled it quite well, and immediately had me move in. He proposed and we started planning a wedding…But fate always has her own plans.

Four weeks later while working I started bleeding and cramping. I called into the clinic where I had gone to be seen (no insurance meant I was treated like a second class citizen) I was told repeatedly that it was common. To go home. Put my feet up. Everything would be fine. I was 21 years old. I trusted them.
I was scared. I was in pain. I had no idea what was going on in my body.

The following week I arrived for my first sonogram only to discover there was nothing there but an empty sac. I was devastated.

Miscarriage number one.

To this day I sill think about that first pregnancy from time to time. Say things like “Well, she would have been 10 this year” or “He would be driving now”.

I rebounded pretty well, and although there was no longer an immediate need, we went ahead and planned a wedding. We both knew it would have happened with or without the pregnancy.

We were married in October of 1994. I was so busy planning a wedding that I failed to notice I had once again missed a period. During our honeymoon I found out I was pregnant for the second time. We were slightly surprised. AGAIN. I know. I know. I had stopped taking the pill of course after the first pregnancy and kind of forgot to go back on it.

This time we felt a little bit more prepared. I wanted this one. A lot. I had just married my very best friend, and nothing would have made me happier than to have his child.

I made it almost to my third month when I felt the familiar cramps and the bleeding one day while working. A call to my doctor in the early morning hours confirmed my fears and I was told to come in immediately. This time there was no doubt. I was miscarrying. This time it was bad and I was sent to the ER for a D and C. I don’t remember much about it. I just remember lots of blood. And lots of pain. And Steve. Steve was there, as always, by my side.

Miscarriage number two.

Life went on and I settled into my role as wife. We talked about wanting children. And maybe actually trying for some in a year or two. That time came and I went off the pill. And absolutely nothing happened…Month after month after month my period would arrive and disappointment would set it.

Thus began the endless trips to Doctors, Physicians and Reproductive Endocrinologist. Some good. Some quacks. I estimate I saw at least 10 different doctors in about a five year period. I visited a psychic. I was prayed over. Anything to help the cause, right???

And still my womb remained empty.

Steve was tested first, of course, and passed with flying colors. Then began my tests. Round after round of being poked, prodded, x-rayed, and clipped. Charts and thermometers and calendars’ became my constant companions. Sex became a chore and a bore!

I felt like a giant science experiment. I felt like a failure. I felt like a freak of nature.

This really couldn’t be that hard, could it? Having a baby is a natural process, right?

After about two years of this the diagnosis was unspecified Infertility…Most likely cause was I ovulated late or not at all.

I went on my first round of fertility drugs. I devoured every book and website I could find on the subject. I joined infertility websites, support groups, and spent an enormous amount of time in the forums trying to find answers.

I was obsessed with fixing myself. Making myself “normal”.

See, I couldn’t get it through my head. I had been pregnant. TWICE. So I was ridiculously hopeful. I felt for sure it would happen again. Eventually.

No one saw my tears. No one saw my anger. My guilt. My jealousy. I pushed ALL my emotions, doubts and fears deep down inside. I had to in an effort to wake up every day.

No one on the outside knows the range of feelings that being infertile brings. You can listen. You can empathize, but you have no idea until you have traveled the same path.

I was a big giant FAILURE. This is what I honestly told myself.

I could not do the one thing that women are MADE to do. What was WRONG with me?

Did God hate me? 

I was certain he did.What did I do? We were good people I thought…

Bad parents are a dime a dozen! Surely Steve and I could do better? Heck, some girls appear to get pregnant just by breathing it seemed. How could I not do this one very simple thing?


Tomorrow: Part Two of Dawn's Story

Image Credit: Hannah.org

Guest Post: The Mom She Should Have Been, Part One

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Moms

I believe it was Dave Barry that once said that raising kids is easy so long as you don’t try to do anything else at the same time. At least I think it was him. See, I tried to look up the quote, but I kept getting interrupted by my toddler. I want chocolate milk!


As stay at home mom with a toddler I can really relate to the Dave Barry quote, or whoever it was that managed to say it for the first time. I claim to be a freelance writer, but at the end of the day I am always dismayed by the lack of work I’ve actually done.  As I write this, my toddler is handing me corn flakes to eat. He will be mortally offended if I do not share his snack.


I consider it a good day if by the time my husband gets home both the toddler and myself have had a bath, are in clean clothes and not pjs, the kitchen sink is clean, dinner is at least thawed if not in the oven, and I’ve written one good article. I’ve set the bar pretty low, I’ll admit, but I used to get this much done before lunch, not 6pm. But that was before I had a toddler. Where’s my big train? No, not that. The BIG TRAIN MOMMY!!

I’ve heard it said that parents should put their babies on a schedule in order to get in all the naps and feedings they require. I think it’s way more important for stay-at-home moms to put themselves on a schedule in order to save their sanity. I’m still working out the details, but I know my days run much smoother when I have an appointment to keep or a deadline to meet. Mommy, look the corn flakes are driving the train!


Tips to stick to your mommy schedule:

• Put a shower and getting fully dressed at the top of your schedule. You'll feel ready for action if you're not still in your pj's. Get up before everyone else or take your shower the night before--whatever it takes.
• Factor in your child's nap time when setting up the schedule. Otherwise, you'll be tempted to do something stupid, like grocery shopping 30 minutes before nap time. (Been there, done that, it's not pretty.)
• Put something super easy into the schedule so you'll have the satisfaction of getting something (anything!) done. Schedule lunch, schedule play time, or schedule reading books.
• Post your schedule where you'll see it often: on the kitchen bulletin board, the frig, stuck to the side of your monitor...if you don't see it, you might forget about it or worse, lose track of time!

Moms Need a Schedule

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

Can someone please explain to me why when children reach the age of puberty they suddenly decide that eating breakfast is inconvenient and that it is ok to do away with it? I have always made sure my kids eat breakfast before they go anywhere - I always eat breakfast myself. When I was 25 years old I had my gall bladder removed. Since that time, if I don't eat something shortly after I wake up my stomach is angry at me all day!

This is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves! My middle daughter Sarah is 16 and when that girl is hungry or tired the world had better watch out! So why on earth would the girl NOT want to eat breakfast before tackling her very busy day? Beats me! But it has taken many, many arguments and lecture after lecture to get her to eat breakfast without a fight - and even then if she is running late, breakfast is the first short cut she makes to save time. I have made a point to buy easy, on-the-go type of foods for breakfast in addition to sit-down breakfast foods to help make it easier for her to comply with my breakfast requirement. Sometimes this works and sometimes not.

Undoubtedly we have all heard the notion that "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." But why is that? What makes it so important? What are the benefits to eating breakfast?

There have been many studies throughout the years that have proven that eating breakfast is beneficial in several ways.

• Improves overall health and nutrition. Eating breakfast improves nutritional intake. Cereal and milk often have the biggest amounts of calcium, folate, Vit. B and iron. Eating breakfast helps to control hunger allowing for better food choices throughout the day, improving overall nutrition.
• Improves ability to control weight. Studies have shown that children that skip breakfast are almost twice as likely to be overweight as children who eat breakfast. Children live what they learn and many adults skip breakfast because they are trying to lose weight or keep from gaining weight. This is counterproductive because skipping breakfast actually creates an extreme hunger pattern that extends throughout the day so you end up overeating throughout the day as a result.
• Improves ability to concentrate and performance in school. According to The American Dietetic Association children that eat breakfast perform better in the classroom as well as on the playground. They have better concentration, problem-solving skills and hand-eye coordination.
• Think of your body and metabolism as a furnace. Breakfast is the first chance your furnace has had to replenish its fuel - glucose. Glucose is your furnaces main energy source. It is what feeds your muscles throughout the day. Skipping breakfast can cause a decrease in physical activity throughout the day. Glucose also feeds your brain - without it your brain feels foggy and you lose the ability to concentrate.
• Help ward off type II Diabetes and heart disease. According to a study of 3000 people by Harvard Medical School obesity and rates of insulin resistance were up to 50% lower for people who ate breakfast everyday. Breakfast eaters were also less like to develop heart disease, actually cutting their risk of having a heart attack.

So what are some ways that you can help get breakfast in even when life is crazy?

• Wake up 10 minutes earlier than usual. This is plenty of time to throw some cereal and milk into a bowl or toast some bread and slap some peanut butter on it. Follow that with a glass of milk and an apple and you are ready to rock and roll.
• Buy things that you can grab and go. Granola bars, breakfast bars, bagel with cream cheese, fruit and nuts, yogurt or hard boiled eggs. Try putting some cereal into a coffee mug with milk, drink your cereal and then the milk.
• Try making breakfast the night before. Bake some whole grain muffins you can grab on the way out the door in the morning or cut up some fruit that you can throw into a bowl of yogurt.
  

Breakfast needs to be a priority on everyones list. The benefits far out weigh whatever reasons we might come up with to convince ourselves otherwise. Our bodies and our brains need fuel to get through the day.

For more information on ways and reasons to get your family to eat healthier check out The American Dietetic Association's website. There are some really great resources and tips here!
http://www.eatright.org/Public/

Are You a Member of The Breakfast Club??

By Michael Horvath

So you have entered the world of step-parenting. It's a big change. But as the adult you have experienced change in your life before. You have learned to deal with it for the most part. It definitely can be a big deal to a child. For them, they have a new parental figure in their life. They may have a new home, a new room, a new school, new neighborhood. Their life as they see it has come to an end and now they have to adjust whether they want to or not. Whether they like it or not. We need to be cognizant to what we are putting them through in their young lives. They need to know that although there will be change, there are things that they can count on that will remain the same, or at the very least, similar to what they are used to.

As the adult, don't go in and try to take over. Your way may not be the best way. It's time to build a new system. A new family system. Remember that the kids are used to things being a certain way. Change isn't easy for anyone and of that there will be plenty. So keep some things the same. Even the smallest things can make the transition easier. Expect to change your life to fit theirs as much as they are having to change their own. They will end up following your lead without the drama when they see it isn't all about them doing all the adjusting.

Djuanna and Tyler had "Fast Food Fridays". So even when we dated the three of us went to grab some Mexican food or Chinese takeout. Since there was only the two of them in the house they most often ate in front of the TV. Now when I cook a meal we sit at the dining room table. That was a change for them. But if fast food comes in the door we eat it while watching the tube. I want to make sure they get good meals, so I cook. But I also had to learn that cooking on Fridays wasn't necessary. We changed some of the routine yet kept another piece intact.

Tyler likes her alone time. She likes her space. We take away plenty of that, but mostly we let her decide how much "family time" she needs when we're at home. This may sound like she runs things, but I put myself in her shoes. She just spent all day Saturday following her mom and I around in Target, then in Lowe's or Home Depot, and finally running errands. B-O-R-I-N-G. So why would I make her sit in the den and watch some movie with us that she really doesn't want to see? I want the time we spend together to be enjoyed and not become the dreaded "family time". Heck, we were all together all day. So if she wants to go to her room and watch her own shows or read a book that's cool with me.

If I think she has had enough isolating I will suggest we do what she wants to do or maybe something we both like. Recently I watched the movie "Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging". Ugh. But she loved it. And she loved having us watch it with her. One day she was bored so I pulled out some paper and wrote a basic music progression for her to play on her guitar and then I played an entirely different part on mine. Nothing that you will be buying on iTunes anytime soon but she thought it was cool.

These are just a couple examples of how we have worked at adapting to each other. Of course things will get more complicated if both adults bring a child or children into the new family. All the more reason to make sure every child gets to keep a part of their own individuality while having to accept the changes as they learn new fit into the new family dynamics.

Changes are to be expected when families combine. Everyone is going to need to adjust. Keep in mind that each child will want to keep a part of how they were used to living while having to accept the changes that the new family brings as they join together.

Changes For Everyone

Introducing Our Newest Blogger: Daniel Lee

By Angela Atkinson

Maggie Fuller's mom, Heidi Fuller, wrote me a letter recently, asking me to help tell Maggie's story. Maggie's 21 and a college student who loves to travel--but she's no ordinary student. Maggie was recently diagnosed with Crohn's disease after suffering for ten years undiagnosed. Crohn's disease is a typically painful inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).

Symptoms of Crohn's disease include serious belly pain, fever, fatigue, loss of appetite, pain with bowel movements, constant diarrhea and unintentional weight loss. other possible symptoms are constipation, eye and liver problems, fistulas, joint pain, ulcers in the mouth, and other painful and unpleasant conditions.

Heidi hopes that our readers can help Maggie to fulfill her lifelong dream of traveling around the world. And, it won't cost you a thing. All you have to do is click.

"Maggie endured undiagnosed Crohn's disease for 10 years and suffered her worst year without pain medication or health care or her parents' comfort last year while studying abroad," Heidi said. "Back home, diagnosed and following surgery, her hearty, feisty spirit has her on the move again. She's vying for a world-travel internship."

Maggie's story is an inspiring one, and once you read it, I hope you'll share it with everyone you know.

Meet Maggie

Driven since earliest memory to travel the world, a senior development studies major at UC Berkeley is embarking on the improbable task of gathering thousands of votes in one week for her video application for a world-travel internship this summer. But compared to battling severe symptoms of an undiagnosed auto-immune disease while alone on an internship in an impoverished region of Central America last summer, the 21-year-old considers the task relatively achievable.

Maggie Fuller needs votes and, with an attitude that got her through her ordeal, she believes she’ll get them.

Fuller, who grew up in Corte Madera, CA, earned top honors at Redwood High School, and maintains a 3.7 GPA at Cal, is vying for one of 50 top spots in the STA Travel 2010 World Travel Internship competition. With the endorsement of enough votes, Fuller will enter the next level of the application process, in which a panel of judges from STA Travel, mtvU and other partners will select 50 videos based on creativity, uniqueness, likeability, video skills, and personality. The top 50 will submit a full application complete with resume, past travel experience and references. The top 20 applicants will be announced on March 23.

Fuller just recently learned of the internship opportunity. She put together her application and video in two days to meet a deadline, which later was extended another week. The top vote getter has more than 29,000 votes. Fuller has just under 400 votes with only a week to go, but the feisty 5’4," 110-pound redhead whose travels have brought her face-to-face with "cockroaches the size of my hand," bomb scares, and machete-wielding farm labor – not to mention debilitating Crohn’s flare-ups unaided by pain medication and health services - remains undaunted.

"I have to believe I have a chance; this has my future written all over it," said Fuller.

Fuller opted for surgery during last December’s semester break to repair the wreckage of Crohn’s disease, which had crept into her intestines for 10 years and sent doctors down numerous diagnoses dead-ends.

Before diagnosis, Fuller had left for a year-long study abroad program first in Ireland and then in Costa Rica. She stayed in Costa Rica to work an internship on an organic farm cooperative that supports the livelihoods of single mothers in Cariari, a remote village in Costa Rica where roads look like dry creek beds. She lived in a cement structure with an undetached roof, no kitchen, and no doors. Fuller's flare-ups increased throughout her stay in Costa Rica and reached unbearable levels during her internship.

There were no health clinics nearby; Fuller ran out of Ibuprophen early in her stay and had no other pain medication. When asked how she managed, she said she just curled up on her mattress and waited the six or eight hours until it ended.

She said "I got used to it; I knew eventually it would end."

When Fuller returned to health services in the United States, her fortitude was made even clearer when neither Vicoden nor Bella Donna would subdue her pain. Following confirmed Crohn’s diagnosis, Fuller’s doctor would not release her for a scheduled trip to support a Panama youth hostel without surgery. She recovered from a laparscopy in time to make the trip and returned to full-time studies to finish her senior year.

Crohn’s disease is an auto-immune condition that often takes years to diagnose. Like other auto-immune diseases, it attacks healthy tissues, causing inflammation and scarring that, in turn, attracts an immune response to continue to battle tissues that technically are not diseased. The condition will challenge Fuller’s career plans to service developing economies in countries where her needs for diet restrictions and minimal stress will pale in comparison to the problems of impoverished populations she will serve.

Fuller is majoring in development studies in the International and Area Studies Teaching Program (IASTP) at the University of California at Berkeley. Her concentration is Latin America and the Caribbean. To vote for her, go to http://www.worldtravelerintern.com/member/maggie-fuller/. Fuller also has two Facebook pages: Let’s Go Viral and Vote for Maggie.

On behalf of everyone at The WM Parenting Connection: Maggie, you're an inspiration, and we're pulling for you!

To our readers, please become fans of Maggie's Facebook pages and suggest them to your friends! And don't forget to vote for Maggie today! Let's work together to help this mother help her daughter's dream come true!

Watch Maggie's Video Application!

Vote a Girl Around the World: Maggie's Story

Photo: "Best Friends" By TVVoodoo

Toddler and Cartoon Facts: How are Cartoons Affecting Your Kids?