The WM Parenting Connection

By Christal Cooper

I am about to go insane, but I know this is normal. I’m sure all Moms have struggles with their sons and daughters to do their homework. For my eight-year-old son this is not just a battle between us but World War III. Whenever it is time for homework he’s easily distracted. He tells me, “I’m having a heart attack. I’m bored.” Sometimes he tells me, “No! I’m not doing my homework!" That's when he is sent upstairs to his room and not allowed out of his room until he completes his homework.

Out of a sense of desperation and a sense of what is best for our son, my husband and I have come up with quite a few tricks. And the trick about these tricks is that you can’t force your child to do homework to the best of his ability. It’s difficult to force a child to think a particular thought or for his brain to do a particular action.

Nicholas is in the second grade, loves school, loves his teacher, but when it’s with Mommy at home, that’s where his love for school seems to stop.

Here are my 12 steps on how to “trick” your child into doing his or her homework:

STEP 1

Nicholas has to do his homework first thing. I do give him a snack and juice when he gets home. But no television, no radio, no playing, no nothing until his homework is complete for that day. For every page of homework he completes (both sides) he gets 50 cents, so its 25 cents per side. And we give him the money as he goes along. This will encourage your child to do his homework and he’ll think of it as a rewarding experience both financially and the fact that he is learning.

STEP 2

I have a special chair near my door called the “Green Reading Chair”. It’s so comfortable and cuddly. This is where we do all of our reading. Nicholas and I will cuddle (he’ll have his blanket with him) and we’ll read a book together. He has a reading book from school he has to read from as well as other books. Normally, I’ll read a paragraph and then he’ll read a paragraph until we finish the page. Then I’ll ask him questions (with the book against my chest so he can’t cheat) to make sure he’s paying attention. If he doesn’t answer a question correctly, I find it in the reading material and make him read the answer again.


STEP 3

He has five word problems due. One for every day of the week. If he’s on a roll and does Monday’s word problem, I try to encourage him to go along – until he finishes the entire weeks worth of problems which is normally $1.00. We give him 25 cents per problem but he has to not only answer the problem correctly, but also show how he came to that answer – which is normally showing the mathematical equation needed to answer that specific problem.

STEP 4

He has to have good penmanship. My precious 8-year-old is very hyper, sensitive, and gets in too much of a hurry. I have three samples of his handwriting, taped to the white board. The first is a paragraph he wrote in school that is “sloppy”. The next one is “a little bit better” and then the third is “perfect penmanship”. If something is sloppy or if he’s writing in too much of a hurry I have him erase it, look at the writing samples, and then rewrite it.

STEP 5

Nicholas also has books on the computer he has to read. At the end of each book the computer asks him a variety of questions. Nicholas has to get every single question correct (which is normally a yes or a no). If not, he has to reread the same book over again until he gets the questions correct.

STEP 6

I try to do his flash cards on addition and subtraction every single day. I also will intermix the cards and present him the cards that way.

STEP 7

He has spelling words each Monday that he must copy in his Agenda Book. I give him a spelling test every single day, except Friday of course, which is the day of the test. I’m so proud to say that his average is actually 100. He does so well in that.

STEP 8

Before Nicholas started preschool, I had him tested to see what his limitations, if any, were. I suspected he’d have limitations becauseof my history. I was diagnosed with a disability, which my mom said was dyslexia. I had to have speech therapy, tutors, failed first grade, was only able to get a “vocational school high school diploma” and not the “real” deal. In high school, I made many Cs, Ds, and an F. I also got a couple of As and a couple of Bs. To say the least, school was absolutely miserable to me. I hated it. I didn’t feel accepted. I didn’t feel understood. And when it came to my son, I’d be damned if I’d let him endure the same things. So I had him tested. When I had Nicholas tested, he needed speech therapy, was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder, and sensory integration. Sensory Integration is the same as Sensory Perception Disorder. It is where the five senses are not fully developed in the brain. To combat this problem, he has special earphones and CDs he has to listen to 30 minutes per day that target different areas of his brain. He also sees a sensory integration/physical therapist once a week in St. Louis.

Homework Madness

Crafts for the Clueless

• Hug it out. When children are having to bounce back and forth between parents it is easy to forget to give them the physical reassurance of love. Hug them every chance you get - that alone goes a long way in terms of comfort.
  
  


• Encourage honesty. Children of all ages need to know that how they feel is not only important to their parents but also that those feelings will be taken seriously. Encourage your children to talk about their feelings and help them to put a name to them. It is important that you don't try to explain away how your kid feels.
  
  


• Be a good listener. Listen to what your children have to say no matter how difficult it might be for you to hear. Validate their feelings. Acknowledging their feelings by saying things like "I know you are sad right now" or "I know it is hard for you to not have Daddy here at night" lets your child know that it is ok to feel like they do and that those feelings are real.
  


• Be supportive. Ask your kid what they think would make them feel better. Sometimes a phone call to the absent parent may be just the ticket to help them understand that even if that parent is not physically there anymore, they are still there emotionally for them.
  
  


• Don't talk smack. No matter how hard it might be to avoid rolling your eyes at the mention of your ex or how tempting it is to point out to your children exactly why they are a crappy example of a parent - don't do it. Your kids don't see it the same you do and it puts them in an uncomfortable place of trying to decide who's side they are on - and they shouldn't have to pick sides. Besides, every kid deserves to adore their Mom and Dad, regardless of the ill feelings the adults might share and it's not fair to take that away from them.
  
  


• Get help. There is no shame in asking for help to emotionally support you and your children from professionals. Getting counseling for yourself and your children is a great way to sort through the confusing emotions that divorce can create. There are plenty of constructive and positive ways to work through overwhelming feelings and a counselor can teach those things to you and your children.
  
  


• Maintain a routine. Having consistency and routine can provide comfort to children. Knowing what they can count on and what is going to happen can help them to feel secure. Try to keep schedules predictable and minimize transitions and abrupt separations.
  
  


• Create one-on-one time. Kids can benefit from one-on-one time with both parents. No matter how busy you might be juggling the stressful life of a single parent, try to make time to spend alone with your kids. In addition, no matter how irritating or inconvenient try to work with your ex to create a visitation schedule that you both can live with so that your kids get the benefit of having both of you in their daily lives.
  
  


• Don't argue in front of the kids. Your kids love you and they love their other parent. Loyalty issues will come into play if the two of you fight in front of them. The kids will be put into a position where they feel like they have to choose sides and that is not fair to them. Anger and hostility witnessed between a child's parents can lead to emotional and behavioral issues for the child long beyond their childhood.
  
  


• Above all love them and let them know it. All a kids wants is to know is that they are loved by his or her parents no matter what. Love them more than you hate your ex and you will all not only survive divorce, but chances are you will thrive.

Divorce is tough on everyone - period. Sticking together and supporting each other is what is going to get your family through it - and maybe even be better for it.

Helping Kids Cope With Divorce

Time Is A Gift

Boys and Puberty

• Your child is withdrawn.  Often you'll notice that your child is irritable or cries more frequently than normal (for your child).
• Your child doesn't want to go to school and tries hard to avoid school and school events.
• Avoidance behaviors are often psychosomatic - these are illnesses that result from emotions and stress - and can include stomachaches, headaches, fatigue and chronic pain.
• There is a noticeable drop in your child's academic performance.
• Your child views school as a very unhappy place to be.
• In extreme cases, your child may display suicidal behaviors.

How to Identify School Bullies and Their Victims

• Slow or unusual language and vocabulary development that's generally appropriate for that age group.


• Reading below grade level.


• Difficulty with word pronunciation (such as busgetti for spaghetti), difficulty rhyming words, and difficulty pronouncing letter sounds.


• Letter reversal (such as mawn lower for lawn mower or saw for was).


• Difficulty verbally expressing themselves (such as not finding the words to use).


• Difficulty remembering sequences (such as alphabet, numbers, stories, time, dates, or colors).


• Confuses left and right.


• Difficulty with time.


• Difficulty completing multi step tasks.


• Difficult spelling even when copying directly.


• Bad hand writing.
  

What Does a Diagnosis Mean?

Although there's no cure or treatment for this condition, the early it's diagnosed the better. There are skills and techniques that can be used to learn to cope with the condition. This will promote the educational outlook of a dyslexic child. For young children playing memory games, vocabulary games, or other language games will help them learn to live with the condition. Flash cards are great to use.

When doing homework or learning, wipe boards with dry erase markers are perfect to use. Dyslexic children can often become frustrated with the mistakes they make. Wipe boards allow they to easily erase their mistakes and start over. The bright colors of the markers also help them learn.

Reading stories with your child is one of the best things you can do. Point to the words as you read so the child and see how to read correctly. Simple steps can make a huge improvement in their education.

What's Threatening Our Children's Education?

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Moms


Knowing how to do crafts with kids is an important part of being a mom, and especially so for us SAHMs! When you’re staying home with a little one you dang well better know your way around a crayon box or you’ll be sick to death of Barney reruns, games of Candyland, and endless repetitions of the same book over and over and over again. Crafts are especially important during these chilly winter months when a cheap outing to the park is simply out of the question. Besides, art projects are just good for a child's development.

SAHM: Crafting with Kids Makes Memories and Fun

• Head lice infect 6 to 12 MILLION children each year mostly between the ages of 3 and 12
• Head lice do not spread disease
• Head lice cannot hop or fly
• Most commonly transmitted by head-to-head contact
• Transmission by shared clothing or other personal items (including combs, brushes and towels) is uncommon
• Dogs, cats, and animals CANNOT become infected by lice
• Lice are most active in the dark
• Lice prefer clean hair – they “glue” their eggs to the shafts of the hair and clean hair is more conducive to this
• Lice prefer round shafted hair so African Americans are less likely to have head lice because their hair is usually oval shaped which results in curly, course hair
• Head lice is the number one reason for absenteeism from schools across the country
  

• They tell you they have a tickling feeling in their hair
• Their head itches – this is an allergic reaction to the saliva of the louse
• Your child may be irritable and have difficulty sleeping – remember they are most active in the dark
• There may be sores on their head from scratching

• If you’re not sure if they have lice you should check with someone familiar with them – your family doctor, the local health department or the school nurse are all trained in identifying head lice
• Treat with an over-the-counter or prescription medication for lice
  o RID, Pronto, R&C – should not be used on persons allergic to chrysanthemums
  o NIX – kills only the live lice but not unhatched eggs; retreatment may be necessary
• After applying medication according to directions, it is important to comb through the hair with a nit comb removing the nits and lice from the hair
• You should comb through the hair every 2-3 days for the next 2-3 weeks
• Retreatment is recommended 7-10 days after initial treatment to kill any surviving hatched lice before they produce any more eggs
• You should wash and dry all bedding and clothing that could be infected with water at least 130 degrees Fahrenheit or seal items that cannot be washed in a plastic bag and store for 2 weeks
• Soak combs and brushes in hot water (at least 130 degrees Fahrenheit) for 5-10 minutes
• Vacuum the floor and furniture that may be infected (don’t forget to toss the vacuum bag or washout the canister)
  

Who's That Knocking On My Door??

Advantage, Pseudo-Dad

• Throw away the beauty magazines; they are full of false garbage!
• Most eyes are actually enlarged through Photoshop. 
• Studies show that the wide-eyed innocent look is most aesthetically pleasing, thereby enticing more buyers.
• Most eyelashes are false, even in mascara ads.
• Most skin and hair is airbrushed for a perfectly polished look, something that is unachievable in real life.
• Makeup can be applied with perfect precision and color thanks again to Photoshop.
• Eye and hair color can also be tweaked to perfection.
• Some tricks you may not realize about magazine photos are:

• The longer a full face of makeup is put off, the longer skin will stay soft and fresh.
• Great skin begins with a great skin care routine and the less complicated the better. The face should be washed at night, especially if makeup is worn, with an appropriate cleanser. The type of cleanser used will depend on several factors. It really is worth the money for a consultation with an esthetician who can recommend the right products, and don’t be afraid to ask which products you can find at Wal-Mart that will work. Almost every one of us understands that times are tight and if he or she is really good then he or she will know what non-professional products are out there. I will tell you however that the hands down best acne treatment out there is still good old Sea Breeze!
• Do NOT over-cleanse! Too much of a good thing is a bad thing! More acne can actually be caused by over doing it. At bedtime do a full cleanse, upon rising if the face is oily, splash with lukewarm water, not hot and not cold, then pat dry, that’s it, that’s all that is needed for a cleansing routine.
• Everyone needs a moisturizer even if they have oily skin, again find the right product per skin type.
• Acne has many more causes than just clogged pores. Anything more than an occasional blackhead or whitehead should be looked at by a professional. Acne is often an outward sign of an internal issue.

When it comes to hair, I believe in giving my children full control, after all it is just hair and it really gives them a sense of self. As long as it is not totally inappropriate or forbidden by their school, they can do what they want, and yes all three of my children have sported Mohawks and Faux-hawks.

Teens and Beauty Treatments

WM: Can you explain the “text4baby” program?

MG: Sure, text4baby is a program that was founded by National Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies Coalition, Voxiva, and CTIA – The Wireless Foundation. AT&T is one of the supporters.

WM: How does it work? How can it help parents?

MG: Here’s how it works: expectant moms just text BABY to 511411, then share details on the due date.  All they need is a wireless device that can receive a text message. For Spanish-language tips, just text BEBE to the same number. Participating moms-to-be will receive a few free texts per week, covering a range of health and medical issues that they may face through pregnancy.

   

WM: What kinds of topics are covered?

MG: Messages will contain health and medical guidance timed for the mom’s specific week of the pregnancy, and tips will cover both the health of the mother and the baby. They might include advice such as, “Keep your prenatal appointments. If you miss one, make another right away. Don’t wait until next month. They’re essential for you and your baby's health.” Or “Butt out! Ask people not to smoke around you. The smoke reaches your baby, and can cause serious problems.” The text tips apply to all stages of pregnancy and early childhood, from 4 weeks through the first twelve months of a child’s life.

WM: As a participating provider, how does AT&T help to support the program?

MG: We are one of a number of wireless industry supporters of the program. We’re supporting the initiative by:
1.    Ensuring that the text tips are free for our wireless customers.
2.    Supporting the program with additional outreach and advocacy through Mother’s Day 2010.

WM:   Can any family member opt-in the program (such as grandparents and older siblings) or just parents?

MG: Yes.  AT&T customers who have text-capable phones can receive the text4baby tips for free. 

WM: AT&T’s senior vice president Cindy Brinkley said, "At AT&T, we're glad to support text4baby and the many families who will benefit from it. We are proud of our long-standing support of women in the workplace – including working mothers – and the various initiatives we have in place to provide them with advancement opportunities. The long-term impact of offering tips and tools to help keep moms and pregnancies healthy – and to lead to beautiful, healthy babies for our world -- is large and lasting for us all." We LOVE that. What other ways does AT&T support parents?

MG: That’s a good question. We support parents by offering our customers ways to help keep their kids safe and a watchful eye out when they can’t be with them. We know that when you give a child a cell phone for the first time, it’s giving your child a bit of independence. To put parents’ minds at ease though, we have several Web sites and services that help parents use their child’s cell phone as a safety tool. For instance, have you heard for AT&T’s Smart Limits for Wireless? This service allows parents to set limits for their child’s cell phone use, such as the number of text and instant messages a child can send, or the time of day the phone can be used for web browsing, messaging and outbound calling. We also have Smart Limits for Internet and TV, as well.

Another service that is quite helpful to parents is AT&T FamilyMap, which helps families stay up to speed on each other’s whereabouts by locating wireless devices with a shared family account. In fact, last week we just expanded the popular FamilyMap app to the iPhone.

You can learn more about AT&T Smart Limits, AT&T FamilyMap and other safety tips for parents at www.att.com/safety.

WM: Tell us about AT&T’s new mom blog, Calm, Cool, Connected.

MG: Calm, Cool, Connected is a blog written for moms by seven real AT&T moms (and dads), along with the occasional guest blogger. It focuses on how parents can use technology to stay calm, cool, and connected in their busy lives. I also wanted to point out that one of our Dad bloggers, Cory, lives right here in St. Louis. We’ll be working with mom blogger, Heather Spohr in the coming weeks, and later this month, we’ll be hosting a Twitter Party to help promote the cause.

WM: How many kids do you have, including the one you’re expecting? How far along are you now?

NC: I am expecting my first child and am 7 months along.
   
WM: Can you tell us about your experience using the text4baby service? What do you like about it?

NC: Of course as an expectant mom, I’ve been doing a ton of reading and research. What I really like about the service is that all of the tips and information are really in line with what my doctor has told me and what I have read about. It also provides good reminders on important things – like remembering to take my prenatal vitamin! I also liked that it provided reminders about getting your flu vaccine and contact info that expectant moms can call if they questions about the flu shot.
  
WM: What kinds of messages do you receive?

NC: I have received everything from alerts on high blood pressure symptoms to watch out for to tips on how to sleep most comfortably and safely.

WM:  Has there been a certain tip that came at a perfect time or that helped you to understand something you didn’t know before?

NC: While I haven’t had to worry about high blood pressure, the symptoms/warning signs hadn’t really been a topic that I had thought about much through my pregnancy. So the text reminder really provided a good guide on what to keep an eye out for – just in case.

WM:  Do you feel that this service is helping you to be healthier during your pregnancy? Will you use it if you become pregnant again in the future?

NC: Of course.  As an expectant mom, my child’s health and growth has become my first priority, so anything that can provide convenient reminders of and help me understand how to live healthfully is most welcome.

WM: Would you or do you recommend this service to friends or family who are new or expectant parents?

NC: I would recommend this service to both friends and family. It’s been a great tool, plus it’s fun anticipating when the next text message will come and what it will say.

WM Insider: Here's the Scoop on the New Free text4baby Program

Has the Cause of SIDS Actually Been Discovered?

I do teach my boys how to say please, thank you, yes ma’am, no ma’am, and yes sir, no sir. I teach them to brush their teeth, brush their hair, and eat their meals. I think sometimes I get so busy teaching my boys all of these things that I forget the most important thing I can teach them: compassion.

February is a special time for our family: it is Valentine’s Day and our younger son’s birthday: Caleb will turn 4 this February 17.

One of the things I want for my boys is to love and to respect other people, no matter how different he or she may be regardless of race, religion, gender, age, economic class or sexual orientation.

I’ve been taking both of my boys to the nursing homes since they were babies. But the real visiting didn’t start until Nicholas was three, when I’d take him to the nursing home on Mondays. He would get his red wagon, load it up with his “show and tell” stuff and then we’d go to the Nursing Home. I’d put him in the wagon and then we’d stop at every door. There were a total of four hallways with 25 rooms per hallway.

I had some rules: Nicholas was not to disturb the individual if he or she were sleeping; he was not to enter if the door was closed; and he was not to visit if the patient was in the process of physical therapy.

My other rule was he had to “communicate” with the elderly on his own, by himself. This meant him approaching the individual on his own and in his own way. Sometimes he’d just stop at the doorway and yell hi, and then leave. I make sure that I am out of the corner of his eyes and the patient’s eyes and still be able to observe him interacting with these precious human beings.

Soon he started entering the rooms on his own. He’d run in and show the individual his batman action figure, and then he’d turn and run back to me, into the wagon and on to the next room.

After a few weeks he’d progress and go into the room and start conversation with these precious people. “Hi, My Name is Nicholas. What’s yours?” Some would laugh, some would hug him; some would try to add to the conversation; and some would tell him to go away.

And there were a few that scared Nicholas. Am example of this was when we were in the lunchroom he noticed this elderly gentleman in a wheelchair missing a leg. He walked up to the gentleman and said, “Hi, my name is Nicholas. What happened to your leg?” The elderly man leaned a bit forward and with a mean and loud voice said, “They cut it off!” Nicholas’s mouth fell open. I told him that the doctor had to cut it off because the leg was sick and was making the man sick.

Nicholas looked so forward to going to the nursing home. He loved to pull his wagon and go in there and talk to people. And he wasn’t hurt when someone told him to go away. I told him, “Hey, this is the person’s room so it’s okay for them to tell you to go away.”

Nicholas is in school now. He’s in the 2^nd grade. So the torch has been passed from him to my younger son Caleb, 4. Instead of Mondays, Caleb and I got to the nursing home on Fridays.

I’ve always done nursing home visits. I think I inherited it from my mother, who is now in Heaven. In fact, every place I lived (my husband is in the military so we move a lot) I always pick out a nursing home to go to and visit. Below are the 12 steps of visiting nursing homes.

1. Speak with the Volunteer Coordinator and discuss with her or him what you’d like to do and take her recommendations.

2. Talk to your little one about the nursing home and the people who live there. If the nursing home scares the child; perhaps, bring your child in to visit the Volunteer Coordinator or just do a walk through. This is also a time to hold your child’s hand so they feel safe. If they are still scared go home. Children must feel safe. This might just be a sign that he or she is not ready for nursing home visits.

3. Give the child the power to bring something from home that will help him visit each room. This will also make the child feel safe. Nicholas chose a red wagon. Caleb thus far has chosen the red wagon, but he might change his mind and use his tricycle. This will also give the child the impression that “we are going on a trip.” Children love going on trips!

4. Have your child wash his or her hands with soap and water right before he/she visits the patients. This way he will not give “germs” to any of the patients. The patients are fragile and could easily get colds or flu. It is vital that he wash his hands with soap and water after he is finished visiting all of the patients.

5. Allow your child to communicate with the individual in his or her own way. This means if they want to stand in the hallway and yell, “Hi, my name is Nicholas! What’s yours?” Let them. If the child wants to run in, show the patient his or her toy, and then leave – let them. Nicholas would do all of these things and then, after a few weeks, he’d start walking into the room and having conversations with the patient. Sometimes he’d walk in and they would say hi to one another and then he’d sit by him or her and they’d watch a few minutes of Wheel of Fortune or the news.

6. Be sure that you can observe your child during the visit. And do not interfere unless your child is pushing buttons on the wheelchair or the patient wants him to leave. There were a few times that the patient told Nicholas, “I don’t want you here. Leave.” And then one time an elderly woman told him, “It’s not a good time – I’m watching my show.”

7. Teach your child to be gentle. Nicholas loved Ms Alice (she’s in Heaven now). He loved to run up to her and hug her but it was something I could not let him do. Mrs. Alice was very weak and could only take baby steps.

8. I love taking photographs of my son interacting with his friends, but I always get the friend’s permission before I take a photo. It’s common courtesy, and usually they don’t mind at all. In fact, they seemed flattered by it.

9. Do not give any food or flowers to the patients unless you have the permission of the Volunteer Coordinator. A lot of the patients have allergies, heart problems, diabetes, high cholesterol, and are on special diets. The safest thing that you can give to all the patients is a slice of banana bread.

10. Before passing out any written material, such as the family Christmas Letter (written by my husband) and our family Christmas poem (written by me), get permission from the Volunteer Coordinator first. There could be patients who are Jewish, Muslim, Hindi, Buddhist, or atheist.

11. There were times the elderly asked Nicholas for something or to do something. One time a lady asked me to help her out of her wheelchair into the bathroom. I am not a nurse; I am not qualified; and there are legal issues involved. Do NOT do anything and instead go get a nurse. And especially do not physically remove them from the home. That is a form of kidnapping and very dangerous.

12. Always remember there is nothing greater than love!

P.S. The photos are of Caleb!

Love: The Greatest Lesson

SAHM: DIY Valentine treats for moms on the cheap