The WM Parenting Connection

By Michael Horvath, Stepparenting

As the Stepparenting "expert" I want to share with all of you something I have gotten from the "Step Parents Handbook". WHAT? Do you really think there was guide for this when biological parents don't even get one? (Disclaimer: I'm sure there are some books out there but if they had the answers we wouldn't have these problems would we now?)

So “the girl” is now 15 years old and is finishing up her first year of high school. She has spent the first year of her life away from her mom and living with her dad and his new family including his new wife and her three kids. She has been exposed to a new house, new rules, new daily environment(s), all kinds of new.

I know for certain that Tyler has gone through a lot of “growing pains” in these past months. Her life as she knew it, living alone with her mom for well over a decade, changed into one where she went to living in a full blown family. I have heard the conversations and gotten the updates about her transition. I know the bumps in the road. I watched Djuanna go through her own, now dealing with her kid’s issues from afar, sometimes missing Ty and at other times feeling relief that Tyler’s dad has had to deal with her. Soon she will be coming back to us for the summer.

Throughout the year I’ve pretty much just sat back and been the observer. Sure I’ve had thoughts and opinions but I have mostly kept them to myself. I can’t see that any input from me would have helped much more. You know the old saying, “too many cooks spoil the broth“. I do feel heard but I also know that I am not the parent.

Soon Tyler will be back “home” with Djuanna and I, and I wonder what that will bring. I “watched” the things Ty’s new stepmom had to go through with her. It was quite an adjustment. Ty’s dad dealt with her in his own way and I’m sure he got a few gray hairs. After all, in the past he was always the “fun” parent, getting Tyler for the holidays and summer vacations while Djuanna dealt with her during the rest of the year. And this went on for over a decade.

When Tyler left she had all of 3 weeks of experience living under one roof with Djuanna and I in our new home. (They moved into my house, I didn’t move into theirs since I had more room) Now she will have to adjust again. What that means for all of us I don’t know. I certainly don’t know what that means for me either. After all, they don’t have handbooks for stepparents either.