The WM Parenting Connection

I knew what I was in for when I started dating a woman with a child. Well, at least I thought I knew. Ok, you may be chuckling at this statement but let me continue. To be honest, it’s not the things you are probably thinking I would be naïve about. It’s about what I never guessed would happen.

Did I expect that I would have to be extremely flexible? Absolutely. I knew that even if we planned on going out that a date, it might have to be canceled or rescheduled due to “child issues”. I knew that going out on a date most of the time meant we would be chaperoned by an 11 year old. Anything could come up within a moment’s notice. Nothing changes as a stepparent.

Did I expect that I would need to be very patient? Certainly. I could arrive at their house for the evening and walk into a “parenting issue” in the middle of it being addressed. Or an emotional Mom who could be very happy (yay for me), sad (time to be a listener) or angry (ok, it’s not going to be an enjoyable, kick back evening). I might have to wait for not just one woman to finish getting ready to go out, but two. Nothing changes as a stepparent.

I knew that being with Djuanna meant that our time together might include anything, from picking out training bras to waiting outside of the school for Tyler to get out of an extracurricular activity. It meant that in the middle of an adult conversation daughter might come into the room to tell us all about the teen girl TV show she was watching. It meant that sitting on the couch just when we were kissing might be interrupted by a teenager flying into the room and plopping herself between the two of us. The phone might ring in the middle of anything with ex-husband on the line needing to talk about daughter’s school grades. Nothing changes as a stepparent.

Did I know that I would have to be very aware of my actions being a positive role model, while still being myself? No doubt. And there were times I had to step in with one or the other and be the peacemaker/de-escalator, communicating with each in a manner that would not put the other down, but to provide reasoning. Nothing changes as a stepparent.

And I knew all of this and much much more would go on!

What I didn’t realize were how my emotions would blow themselves out of the water for these two women. How I would wish I had come into their lives so much earlier and be the husband and father figure for them. How I would dream that I was there for them both as part of the family. I didn’t know how I was going to look back at my life and see the missed opportunity of having my own child. I had no idea there would be times I would get tears in my eyes thinking about these things.

I didn’t know I was going to love this girl with such intensity of emotion and that I was going to miss her so much during the school year once she went off to live with her dad. Or how the bond between the three of us would grow as it did.

I didn’t know. Now I do and as a Pseudo Dad Stepparent nothing has changed.