The WM Parenting Connection

By Stacey Celaya - Family Health Expert

Salt N' Pepa made it a hit in 1991 and parents have been struggling with the concept since Adam and Eve. Talking to our kids about sex is not an easy thing. For decades it was thought that the only way to keep kids from having sex was to pretend that it didn't exist. These days we know the opposite is true. Kids armed with the reliable information and an open line of communication with their parents are less likely to experiment and try to figure it out on their own.

I remember the day that my Mom sat me down to "have the talk"...it had to have been one of the worst moments of my life. Mostly because I was uncomfortable and my Mom was uncomfortable. My Mom was raised in a European home where sex was not discussed. It was an uncomfortable topic for her growing up and so when it came to talking to my sister and myself she wanted to do better then my Oma (my Grandma) did with her and that meant that she sat us down and attempted to tell us all about the birds and the bees. Because we were both uncomfortable with the topic and because it wasn't really talked about until that moment when I was 13 years old I never felt that I could ask questions or talk about things that teenagers go through with my Mom even though I had great parents.

When I had my oldest daughter I made up my mind almost from the day I found out I was pregnant that I was going to talk to my kids - about EVERYTHING. I wanted to make sure that they knew that they could talk to me about anything and everything without feeling embarrassed or like they would be judged.

I started talking to my girls about sex when they were about 7 and 8 years old and they came home talking about Britney Spears and something they heard on the playground. I knew then that the only real and true information about sex and sexuality they would hear would come from me. I was not going to let them learn about all the wrong things from other kids during recess.

The way I see things is that I cannot be with my children every moment of every day their whole entire lives. There are going to be times when they have to make choices and decisions that are difficult. We raise our kids with morals and values but we all know that sometimes teenagers momentarily forget those things when confronted with peer pressure and hormones.

While I cannot control every thing my kids do I can make sure that they armed with the best information possible to help them make smart, safe choices.

I know how hard it can be to talk about these things particularly if you have not been raised in an environment that spoke freely about sex, love, intimacy and sexuality. Here are some tips that might make it easier:

• Speak to your children in a developmentally appropriate way. Answer their questions in a way that they can understand. 
• Keep your sense of humor. I used to drop words like "penis, vagina, sex" randomly during conversations with my daughter Sarah. She was so embarrassed by those words that I wanted to make them commonplace for her. It became a game and we would both end up laughing. She learned to get over her embarrassment; her mother is a nursing student so I guess she figured it wasn't going to stop any time soon!
• Kids need to understand that they have to take responsibility for their actions and their decisions and that actions have consequences - break those down for them as well. I actually pulled out one of my nursing textbooks and showed them what sexually transmitted infections look like. 
• Encourage your kids to talk to you and to ask questions. And no matter the question don't act appalled that they have asked you. Don't give them reason to think twice the next time they have a question. 
• Recognize teachable situations. These can be great opportunities to start a conversation about a topic that may feel difficult. 
• LISTEN to your children and their reactions. Ask them if you have answered there questions or if they have any more questions. This lets them know that your door is always open. 
• Don't forget your children that are the opposite sex from you. Gone are the days when it was up to Dad to give "the talk" to the boys and Mom to the girls. As a single Mom I couldn't wait for my son's Dad to talk to him hoping that he would get to it in time. I had to grab the bull by the horns and do it myself. And you know what? My 13 year old has no problem talking to me about anything girl related and it is a great feeling.

The key to overcoming the feeling of being uncomfortable discussing sex, love and sexuality with your kids is simply by being open and available to your kids. The more you talk about it the easier it will get. Maybe dropping the word "vagina" into random conversation or pulling out pictures of a herpes infected genitalia is not your idea of open communication and that is fine. Do whatever feels comfortable to you - just do it. Your kids will thank you for it . Not to mention that they will be smarter, more prepared for the assault of false information out there all the while armed with the truth.

"Let's Talk About Sex Baby, Let's Talk About You and Me..."