The WM Parenting Connection

By Stacey Celaya - Single Parenting



After a total of 9 years with my ex-husband, 6 of which were spent married, I found myself 25 years old and divorced with three kids all under the age of 5. Besides being miserably married to someone who no longer wanted to be married and the need to free myself from that, the hope that someday I would again fall in love, hopefully the next time with a happy ending, is what got me through that hard time.

And while I was in no hurry to start dating again after my divorce, eventually a time came when I was ready to start dating. But where would I start? And what would I do with my kids? Would anyone even WANT to date a single Mom with three kids? Did I even want to date someone that was okay with me having three kids - because even though I was ready to start dating I was in no way ready to have a relationship and even with everything that I didn't know, one thing I did know was that my kids were not going to be around any men that weren't important enough for me to have a real relationship with!

Unfortunately, I was pretty sure that I was going to be happy to serial date for the rest of my life, enjoy my friends and have fun. But if you have read my previous posts then you know that plan didn't work out so well for me once I met my now husband 5 years after my divorce...my no relationship idea basically went down the toilet - but even then, it wasn't until we had been dating almost a year that he finally met my kids in person.

So exactly where do you start if you are a single parent and have decided you are ready to start dating? Here are some things that may help ease you into the dating world.

• Take your time - don't rush things. Sometimes getting over the loss of a marriage either from divorce or death takes longer than you think it will. Don't let well meaning family and friends push you into dating if you are not ready - that will just set you up for an experience that you will be in no hurry to repeat.


• It's okay to be scared - Sharing those feelings and insecurities with your best friend or someone you trust - sometimes just talking out your fears can help you work through them.


• Keep the lines of communication open with your children - If your children are old enough to understand then keep them in the loop. Honesty goes a long way and reassuring them that you are just getting to know new people can help them deal with fears they may be feeling.


• Set boundaries and guidelines for your dating life - Remember that you decide how and when dating happens. You decide who you want to date and who you don't want to date so you can also decide where and when you go. If you feel more comfortable meeting in a public place for lunch or coffee then do that.


• Meeting people - these days many people meet online at dating websites. Make sure that if your going to use one of these sites that the sites screen their participants.


• Don't talk about your children to your dates unless you feel comfortable - it is ok to keep that part of your life to yourself until you feel comfortable with sharing. Your kids are precious and details about your children should be shared with someone you trust.


• Don't feel bad about your role as single Mom or Dad - Anyone worth dating casually or seriously needs to understand that you are a parent first - if not, then they are not worth your time anyway. I found that having three young kids was a wonderful loser detector. How a guy reacted when I told him I had three kids was priceless in terms of determining what kind of person they were. If they had no desire to date a single Mom and were honest about that from the get-go I had a great amount of respect for him but if he suddenly disappeared without a word or pretended he hadn't heard the part about my kids, well he didn't get a second more of my time.


• Above all - enjoy your time dating - that is what it is all about; getting to know other people and discovering what you want in a potential partner or in some ways more importantly, what you DON'T want in a potential partner.

By the way, eventually I did find Mr. Right and he didn't mind my three kids...in fact we are now married and together have created number four...proof that it can and does happen.

Single Parenting and Dating - Where Do You Start?