The WM Parenting Connection

By Denise Bertacchi, Stay at Home Moms

Loneliness is one of the worse problems you will need to conquer as a stay at home mom. You might not realize that loneliness is the problem that’s nagging at you, because…you’re never actually alone. Moms are constantly surrounded by these tiny sub-humans otherwise known as “children.”

Take me, for example. During the day I have a talkative toddler as my constant companion. All day long he babbles about this and that, narrating his life as if he’s afraid that if he doesn’t announce his every move, he’ll cease to exists. I also have a 5th grader, who spends as little time as possible with me when he's not at school. He’s either in his room, on the computer, with friends, at practice or at a Boy Scout meeting. He stayed home with me for about two years (from 3-5) before heading off to school, so I’m thinking he did all the socializing he needed with me back then. Now I’m just the chauffer and chef.

When I first began staying home I joined a mother’s club, which kept me sane by introducing me to a few mommy friends. We planned outings once or twice a week, where we would turn the kids loose on some play area then hang back and chat while supervising from a far. I used to worry that we were somehow neglecting our mothering duties, but I didn’t realize just how much moms needed that time to socialize. I was new to the stay at home gig then, having freshly escaped from the grown up nine to five grind.

So what’s the problem now? We moved a few years ago. Not very far, just to a “better” school district the next county over. My mom friends said I should keep hanging out with them—after all, they were only 20 minutes away. But we drifted apart and I severed the last connections when gas prices skyrocketed and I could no longer justify wasting precious gas on something as silly as mommy dates and Mary Kay parties.

I tried to make new friends with the moms of my son’s classmates. Unfortunately, it seems that most moms start working again once their kids start school. When I had my second child I kicked around the idea of joining another mom’s club, but I had doubts. For one thing, there aren’t any groups really close to this new neighborhood. For another: I’m much older now. My second kid made his appearance shortly after my 37th birthday. Most moms my age seem to be done with child birth and the thought of trying to make friends with a bunch of twenty-something’s just starting the mommy track makes me cringe.

I’ve got one good friend who works at home, but I always feel bad about dragging my toddler along to lunch. We try to work out together, which is good for both us, and easy to do since our gym has a built in daycare. But too often I end up missing her after my toddler has made me late, while she was able to arrive unencumbered once the school bus whisked away her school aged kid.

I also tried to fill my friend void by helping out with Cub Scouts, which at least put me in close proximity to other moms my age. But now I’m those friends because my kid crossed over to Boy Scouts—an organization that is notoriously unfriendly to moms.

I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with myself yet. Guess I’ll write more—it seems to help.

Mom Needs a Few Friends