The WM Parenting Connection

As the adult, don't go in and try to take over. Your way may not be the best way. It's time to build a new system. A new family system. Remember that the kids are used to things being a certain way. Change isn't easy for anyone and of that there will be plenty. So keep some things the same. Even the smallest things can make the transition easier. Expect to change your life to fit theirs as much as they are having to change their own. They will end up following your lead without the drama when they see it isn't all about them doing all the adjusting.

Djuanna and Tyler had "Fast Food Fridays". So even when we dated the three of us went to grab some Mexican food or Chinese takeout. Since there was only the two of them in the house they most often ate in front of the TV. Now when I cook a meal we sit at the dining room table. That was a change for them. But if fast food comes in the door we eat it while watching the tube. I want to make sure they get good meals, so I cook. But I also had to learn that cooking on Fridays wasn't necessary. We changed some of the routine yet kept another piece intact.

Tyler likes her alone time. She likes her space. We take away plenty of that, but mostly we let her decide how much "family time" she needs when we're at home. This may sound like she runs things, but I put myself in her shoes. She just spent all day Saturday following her mom and I around in Target, then in Lowe's or Home Depot, and finally running errands. B-O-R-I-N-G. So why would I make her sit in the den and watch some movie with us that she really doesn't want to see? I want the time we spend together to be enjoyed and not become the dreaded "family time". Heck, we were all together all day. So if she wants to go to her room and watch her own shows or read a book that's cool with me.

If I think she has had enough isolating I will suggest we do what she wants to do or maybe something we both like. Recently I watched the movie "Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging". Ugh. But she loved it. And she loved having us watch it with her. One day she was bored so I pulled out some paper and wrote a basic music progression for her to play on her guitar and then I played an entirely different part on mine. Nothing that you will be buying on iTunes anytime soon but she thought it was cool.

These are just a couple examples of how we have worked at adapting to each other. Of course things will get more complicated if both adults bring a child or children into the new family. All the more reason to make sure every child gets to keep a part of their own individuality while having to accept the changes as they learn new fit into the new family dynamics.

Changes are to be expected when families combine. Everyone is going to need to adjust. Keep in mind that each child will want to keep a part of how they were used to living while having to accept the changes that the new family brings as they join together.