The WM Parenting Connection

I do teach my boys how to say please, thank you, yes ma’am, no ma’am, and yes sir, no sir. I teach them to brush their teeth, brush their hair, and eat their meals. I think sometimes I get so busy teaching my boys all of these things that I forget the most important thing I can teach them: compassion.

February is a special time for our family: it is Valentine’s Day and our younger son’s birthday: Caleb will turn 4 this February 17.

One of the things I want for my boys is to love and to respect other people, no matter how different he or she may be regardless of race, religion, gender, age, economic class or sexual orientation.

I’ve been taking both of my boys to the nursing homes since they were babies. But the real visiting didn’t start until Nicholas was three, when I’d take him to the nursing home on Mondays. He would get his red wagon, load it up with his “show and tell” stuff and then we’d go to the Nursing Home. I’d put him in the wagon and then we’d stop at every door. There were a total of four hallways with 25 rooms per hallway.

I had some rules: Nicholas was not to disturb the individual if he or she were sleeping; he was not to enter if the door was closed; and he was not to visit if the patient was in the process of physical therapy.

My other rule was he had to “communicate” with the elderly on his own, by himself. This meant him approaching the individual on his own and in his own way. Sometimes he’d just stop at the doorway and yell hi, and then leave. I make sure that I am out of the corner of his eyes and the patient’s eyes and still be able to observe him interacting with these precious human beings.

Soon he started entering the rooms on his own. He’d run in and show the individual his batman action figure, and then he’d turn and run back to me, into the wagon and on to the next room.

After a few weeks he’d progress and go into the room and start conversation with these precious people. “Hi, My Name is Nicholas. What’s yours?” Some would laugh, some would hug him; some would try to add to the conversation; and some would tell him to go away.

And there were a few that scared Nicholas. Am example of this was when we were in the lunchroom he noticed this elderly gentleman in a wheelchair missing a leg. He walked up to the gentleman and said, “Hi, my name is Nicholas. What happened to your leg?” The elderly man leaned a bit forward and with a mean and loud voice said, “They cut it off!” Nicholas’s mouth fell open. I told him that the doctor had to cut it off because the leg was sick and was making the man sick.

Nicholas looked so forward to going to the nursing home. He loved to pull his wagon and go in there and talk to people. And he wasn’t hurt when someone told him to go away. I told him, “Hey, this is the person’s room so it’s okay for them to tell you to go away.”

Nicholas is in school now. He’s in the 2^nd grade. So the torch has been passed from him to my younger son Caleb, 4. Instead of Mondays, Caleb and I got to the nursing home on Fridays.

I’ve always done nursing home visits. I think I inherited it from my mother, who is now in Heaven. In fact, every place I lived (my husband is in the military so we move a lot) I always pick out a nursing home to go to and visit. Below are the 12 steps of visiting nursing homes.

1. Speak with the Volunteer Coordinator and discuss with her or him what you’d like to do and take her recommendations.

2. Talk to your little one about the nursing home and the people who live there. If the nursing home scares the child; perhaps, bring your child in to visit the Volunteer Coordinator or just do a walk through. This is also a time to hold your child’s hand so they feel safe. If they are still scared go home. Children must feel safe. This might just be a sign that he or she is not ready for nursing home visits.

3. Give the child the power to bring something from home that will help him visit each room. This will also make the child feel safe. Nicholas chose a red wagon. Caleb thus far has chosen the red wagon, but he might change his mind and use his tricycle. This will also give the child the impression that “we are going on a trip.” Children love going on trips!

4. Have your child wash his or her hands with soap and water right before he/she visits the patients. This way he will not give “germs” to any of the patients. The patients are fragile and could easily get colds or flu. It is vital that he wash his hands with soap and water after he is finished visiting all of the patients.

5. Allow your child to communicate with the individual in his or her own way. This means if they want to stand in the hallway and yell, “Hi, my name is Nicholas! What’s yours?” Let them. If the child wants to run in, show the patient his or her toy, and then leave – let them. Nicholas would do all of these things and then, after a few weeks, he’d start walking into the room and having conversations with the patient. Sometimes he’d walk in and they would say hi to one another and then he’d sit by him or her and they’d watch a few minutes of Wheel of Fortune or the news.

6. Be sure that you can observe your child during the visit. And do not interfere unless your child is pushing buttons on the wheelchair or the patient wants him to leave. There were a few times that the patient told Nicholas, “I don’t want you here. Leave.” And then one time an elderly woman told him, “It’s not a good time – I’m watching my show.”

7. Teach your child to be gentle. Nicholas loved Ms Alice (she’s in Heaven now). He loved to run up to her and hug her but it was something I could not let him do. Mrs. Alice was very weak and could only take baby steps.

8. I love taking photographs of my son interacting with his friends, but I always get the friend’s permission before I take a photo. It’s common courtesy, and usually they don’t mind at all. In fact, they seemed flattered by it.

9. Do not give any food or flowers to the patients unless you have the permission of the Volunteer Coordinator. A lot of the patients have allergies, heart problems, diabetes, high cholesterol, and are on special diets. The safest thing that you can give to all the patients is a slice of banana bread.

10. Before passing out any written material, such as the family Christmas Letter (written by my husband) and our family Christmas poem (written by me), get permission from the Volunteer Coordinator first. There could be patients who are Jewish, Muslim, Hindi, Buddhist, or atheist.

11. There were times the elderly asked Nicholas for something or to do something. One time a lady asked me to help her out of her wheelchair into the bathroom. I am not a nurse; I am not qualified; and there are legal issues involved. Do NOT do anything and instead go get a nurse. And especially do not physically remove them from the home. That is a form of kidnapping and very dangerous.

12. Always remember there is nothing greater than love!

P.S. The photos are of Caleb!