The WM Parenting Connection

by Jennifer Fulks

After reading Alyssa’s article last week, “Oh No You Didn’t”, I was reminded of the many things my kids have done that I had done when I was their age. The first one that sprang to my mind was the time my youngest daughter snuck out of the house.


When Ashley was about 14 years old, I got a call from a woman who had said, I just thought you might like to know you daughter was at a party at my house in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago. Of course my first thought was NO WAY, not MY daughter!

Ashley had been sitting with me when I got the call. I looked her straight I the eye and asked her point blank “Did you sneak out of the house Friday night?” She looked me straight in the eye and said “No!” This had never happened before that I was aware of so I had no reason not to believe her. The woman insisted it was her and wanted to meet with me and the other parents. Ashley and I got into the car and headed over to the woman’s house.

When we arrived the only people there were the mother of the boy who had the party, and the father of two other boys, the other girls and their parents were not there. The mother explained that while she was working an overnight shift her son decided to have a party and a mirror in her house was broken during the party. At this point I asked my daughter again, “Were you at this party?” Again she told me “no,” even though all the boys there were saying she had been and that she was also making out with one of the two brothers.

I thanked the two parents that were there and got up to leave. The father of the two boys stood up and asked me what I was going to do. I replied “what do you mean?” He says, “What are you going to do about your daughter sneaking out?” I said “I believe that is between me and my husband and daughter.” The man kept blocking my way out and asking me what I was going to do. I pushed past him and we left. I’m not really sure why he felt the need to know how I was going to punish my daughter, all I know is the parents of these boys were acting as though it was my daughter’s fault that one of the boys had a party.

On the drive back to our house I told my daughter all these people are placing her at this party and she needed to fess up and be honest with me. She ended up telling me that yes she had snuck out and yes she went to this party and yes she made out with one of the boys. My response to her was to give her a high five! I know what you are thinking “WHAT WAS SHE THINKING!!!”

I gave my daughter a high five because I knew at some point she was going to try this stunt. I myself had snuck out as a teen more times than I can count. Now her actions did not go unpunished, but I wanted her to know that I remembered what it was like to be a teenager and how easy it is to give into peer pressure. It happens.

As punishment her father and I removed the door to her bedroom. You would not believe what an effective form of punishment this is. The message to her: If you are going to betray our trust, if you are going to lie about things, you do not deserve privacy. Privacy means we trust you, no trust=no privacy. We also took her cell phone from her and “cancelled” the rest of her summer which was about three weeks. When school was back in session we did return her door to its place.

Here’s the thing, our kids need to know that we mean business when it comes to discipline and punishment, but they also need to know that we are not out of touch with reality. We really do understand what it’s like to be in their shoes. So many parents make the mistake of acting as though they are above the things teenagers do. We have to remember that this is a time of learning; it’s a time of testing the waters and testing the limits. While we, as parents, are still the enforcers, we should also be compassionate and fair in how we handle difficult situations with our teens. They are not dumb; they know we are not perfect and that we made mistakes as teenagers too, but when we act as though we never did it really brings down the level of respect our children have for us. There is nothing wrong with letting our children known we are human too.

Keep it Real!